Wednesday, June 22, 2011
When kindness Sucks!!
I'm not going to talk about the pros/advantages of being kind. We all know what those are. I'm going to talk about the pitfalls of being the kind and generous soul that I am.
I'm the type of person who is generous and kind to a fault, well... to the people I choose. I always have this mantra in my head, "why not help if you can?" I never think twice when someone asks for my help, I go all in or half way if I can no matter what the situation.
I'm a giver. I give away things for no reason at all sometimes. I never expect anything in return because it's who I am.
They say, "Help a man once and he'll always come to you when in trouble." This has happened to me several times that the one time I failed to help someone, he looked at me with eyes suggesting I were the worst human being he has ever laid eyes on! That hurt but there was nothing I could do about it.
There are people I used to know who I let go of because they were taking advantage of my generous soul. They always expected me to bail them out of whatever situation they found themselves in which I couldn't take any more. It's not a crime to be kind because I don't do what I do to win brownie points, but don't let me find out that you're using me or are friends with me because you know you can get something out of me! That's not right at all!
I have been there for a few people in situations that as I look back on them, I realize that they will never be there for me if, I were the one who is going through what they went through. I have been or tried to be a good friend and a good sister. The more I grow, the more I realize that the people I've always been there for will never be there for me. And it hurts so damn much, I won't lie nor sugar coat it.
There are situations we go through that push our backs against the wall. Situations that make you have a few expectations from those you've helped to just once; step up to the plate and show you that they've got your back just as you have theirs.
I've had a few bad situations since the year begun that made me reflect on how I got to them and it's because of my generous and kind soul. These bad times made me realize that; much as I love to help or give, the people I give will never do the same for me. Some of them will never come up and do something good for me without asking questions as to why I deserve it because it's who they are. I'm not saying that I give expecting returns because I don't.
What hurts so damn much is the knowledge that whatever I go through, they'll never ever lift a finger to help, out of the goodness of their hearts. This is where being kind absolutely sucks because; as generous souls, we always have that little bit of expectation from others because we want to see a piece of ourselves in them. A piece of our kindness.
Don't you wish that sometimes, at least once in a lifetime, someone can step up to the plate and surprise you? Is it too much to ask especially with the knowledge that you've tried so much to be there for that person?
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