I hinted at my foray into being a social butterfly here without going into detail just how exhausting it is. The words were not ready then but are now.
Aside from having lunch dates with two of my oldest best friends who I hadn’t seen in years, I went on two dates as well although the last date happened after the social butterfly had hung up her wings. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing between both parties.
Anyway, the difference between these two dates is: one felt like a catch-up between old friends because we spent five hours eating and chatting while date two… Had the same overtones, yes. But, there were a little of those things that creep in when you are with someone that makes you feel some type of way (as we say nowadays). I had a good time at both but if it were up to me; date one would be the yardstick on which I’d measure a good date be it with or without feelings.
Judging from the lack of posts on dating, you can safely assume that I haven’t been in the dating field for quite sometime. The last time I dated or even made attempts at a relationship was at university. After that I have been loving my company. These attempts are to allay the fears of some of my aunts and me trying not to become a spinster without a concerted effort to mitigate the spiral.
What I have come to realize or learnt along the way is; all relationships are not only different but come with nuances that are uniquely theirs. It probably has to do with how someone makes you feel- the feelings dictate how to go about it or maybe the guy does. Every guy has his method of operation, no?
At this point in my life, I know I do not want to make investments in something that isn’t going anywhere. Not because age is catching up with me, but because it is tiring trying to make something work when you both clearly see it isn’t going anywhere. Too many feelings and memories to get rid off if it doesn’t work and too much time wasted trying get over the heartache. This is why I do not personally encourage guys who come my way when I know what they want is not on the table nor will it ever be.
Also, I’d like the boundaries of whatever it is defined. Come as a friend in my life and I’ll treat you as such. Come with not so friendly intentions and you’ll be treated as much as your intentions warrant. But do not come as a friend then try to cross over. No. It throws everything into a tailspin and once you realize you want to be friends again, it doesn’t work out. We all have a formula to friendships that don’t include one trying to crossover then seamlessly transition to again. It makes you an expendable entity.
I’ve said it before; once you friend-zone me, what makes you think I will comfortably be the friend? You will never be my friend. You are not going to loan me money if I ever need it. It takes years to cultivate a friendship full of trust, generosity, kindness and comfort unlike a relationship. People form relationships everyday unlike friendships. Friendships can stand the test of several bad relationships. The little you know about me or I you is not enough to make us friends and never will.
Decide who you want to be in my life and I shall treat you as such.
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