tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24627046629345807312024-03-14T00:09:15.822-07:00Simply Shanah"Speak your heart. If they don't understand, the message was never meant for them anyway."- Yasmin MogahedSimply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.comBlogger273125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-81174298489327880442024-02-05T01:35:00.000-08:002024-02-05T01:35:29.884-08:00The Disability Lane<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTOdPGRE6UobvGqTyTtWw-vlhL_jCn2O6ZqdCsay0GtzQzFvtIJ6CduHTL_Ty7-rlWc7yml7HM3FI8sBZmO8hPtJnysEoXyRhWsi9nTcj64mmXplyEyxsaaH6CNAvzk98IwNZvqgjLLequPkMoLsMHM-cwOoGttBgLQLnxx-MX_X9rIygAIc1y-b4dUHQ/s400/DLogo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTOdPGRE6UobvGqTyTtWw-vlhL_jCn2O6ZqdCsay0GtzQzFvtIJ6CduHTL_Ty7-rlWc7yml7HM3FI8sBZmO8hPtJnysEoXyRhWsi9nTcj64mmXplyEyxsaaH6CNAvzk98IwNZvqgjLLequPkMoLsMHM-cwOoGttBgLQLnxx-MX_X9rIygAIc1y-b4dUHQ/s320/DLogo.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span class="TextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span><p></p><p><span class="TextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US">Simply Shanah harbors both professional and personal milestones. In 2019; I made the decision to separate the professional and individual experiences. I wanted to have a space specifically focusing on my work as a disability rights advocate, share lessons learnt from the many spaces I am invited to, observations about disability rights in Uganda and above all documentation to act as reference for young people with disabilities. </span><span class="EOP SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW100712184 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{36424195-f965-4946-a9b8-af986db0b51e}{6}" paraid="928353898" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Cue The Disability Lane <a href="https://thedisabilitylane.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>. Initially, the idea was to have a writing space then along the way, I developed social media platforms for it that is <a href="https://twitter.com/disabilitylane" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="http://Facebook.com/thedisabilitylane">Facebook.</a> The Disability Lane solidified into a digital civic space to raise awareness of gender and disability concerns for social justice and inclusion of women and girls with disabilities. I am figuring it out as I go along. So far, I love how it is growing. I have been able to feature activists in the disability movement both domestic and outside Uganda to share their knowledge and </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">expertise</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> on topical discussions. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW100712184 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{b212d2a0-cac2-47eb-b96b-52d0118c71ef}{12}" paraid="968679870" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">It has made me realize that content creation and curation is not so easy, especially when you are doing it single-handedly. However, it has given me the opportunity to explore my creativity and expand knowledge of design tools like Canva.</span><span class="EOP SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW100712184 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{6289a376-1016-47bd-9341-51b194c1f1eb}{220}" paraid="375597918" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Since I consider myself committed to gender and disability development, I am excited to discover the level of impact it has on disability, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">gender</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW100712184 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> and representation in the digital space.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW100712184 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-18321645913265266652024-01-20T06:17:00.000-08:002024-01-20T06:17:42.158-08:00The Break and Everything Inbetween 2<p><span style="font-family: Century Gothic, Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont, Century Gothic_MSFontService, sans-serif;"><span style="font-variant-ligatures: none; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Century Gothic, Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont, Century Gothic_MSFontService, sans-serif;">A continuation from my first entry <a href="https://shanahfied.blogspot.com/2024/01/the-break-and-everything-inbetween.html" target="_blank">here</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; user-select: text;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDHSDNMpyy83M0b304MMMvAFL4mMKX57KlBfRs03_Ca5t5nmxM3WactFjtkvuTJryHOax4GyRj0UctUUXnEP8uRuVAYze9PXmQcE1ZiPhLG-eALDYFl1C4FtHtb5s432UqTj_iCX9JL_460wcEM3cR6a5XUhcpeutAEil7wMsXJAcWmIzZdo0ZwHRCh1w/s1024/PHOTO-2024-01-07-08-37-03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDHSDNMpyy83M0b304MMMvAFL4mMKX57KlBfRs03_Ca5t5nmxM3WactFjtkvuTJryHOax4GyRj0UctUUXnEP8uRuVAYze9PXmQcE1ZiPhLG-eALDYFl1C4FtHtb5s432UqTj_iCX9JL_460wcEM3cR6a5XUhcpeutAEil7wMsXJAcWmIzZdo0ZwHRCh1w/w296-h250/PHOTO-2024-01-07-08-37-03.jpg" width="296" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I practically changed my sleeping schedule to keep him ‘virtual’ company while he nursed his dad. His dad passed away without him even asking me to </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">go see</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> him. Yes, it was during the pandemic but asking is not </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">a bad thing</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. I asked him to come over while I was at a work event so I could see for myself how he was doing, in his angry moment, he made that request seem like the dirtiest thing he had ever been asked. I had yet to feel like trash as an adult until this second experience of him. If that was his intention, he </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">succeeded</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Do you know what I got out of all this? A stress injury because of texting. This guy NEVER called. Emotional and physical trauma because the onslaught of emotions was too much for me to bear. My chest ached every time I recalled this experience. Because of all this, I returned to spontaneous public and private meltdowns. My most memorable days of this were the breakdown at DFCU Bank, my </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">workplace</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">and</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> a field trip to Kasese.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div></span></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW56950394 BCX0" paraeid="{703b8919-cba3-49b4-8fe0-d210006fe158}{30}" paraid="772640905" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">One morning at work; it hit me that I should have stayed home because I was not emotionally well to function as an employee. My heart ached so much that my eyes smarted from the tears I was trying to hold back. I took a bathroom break to cry and then returned to my workstation. Then came the field trip to Kasese. While there, my colleague kept asking, ‘Shanah, what is wrong?</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">’,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> she asked this more than once for two days. On the second day, I told her not to ask me again. That night, after I returned to my room, I broke down because of the implication of his leaving the country without telling me. It felt like the worst betrayal ever. I had not done anything wrong to this person for him to act this way nor treat me this way.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW56950394 BCX0" paraeid="{703b8919-cba3-49b4-8fe0-d210006fe158}{40}" paraid="1953325176" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">After crying for over two hours, I took a sleeping </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">agent to </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">calm my nerves. The last thing I wanted was to fall sick because of the intense emotional distress and being so far from home. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW56950394 BCX0" paraeid="{703b8919-cba3-49b4-8fe0-d210006fe158}{50}" paraid="1246533999" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">You would think I was done with tears, no? I had one more flood left in me. I went to DFCU Bank, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SpellingErrorV2Themed SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlSpellingErrorV2, url('data:image/svg+xml;base64,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')); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Ntinda</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> branch to withdraw money. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I found the bank</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> closed. I had come from far. I needed the money. I did not have any other day to make the trip again. The frustration of this and everything bad I was dealing with brought on a public breakdown. I cried and sobbed like I had lost someone. The sob fest included snot, strained veins on the head and sweat. The attendants had to open the bank because I was becoming a public spectacle. They took me inside, gave me some water, asked me what was going on. Eh! I cried through all their questions and </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">attempts</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> to comfort me for over thirty minutes.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW56950394 BCX0" paraeid="{703b8919-cba3-49b4-8fe0-d210006fe158}{68}" paraid="1658132217" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Ten months in 2022 were spent feeling the ugly feelings and trying to work through it all so my depression does not worsen. The stress injury does persist when I text anyone for longer than five minutes, and I abandoned prayer. Other than that, I am doing well emotionally and mentally. I may not have published anything in this space for two years but everything that happened between then and now is in my journal. 2023 raked me over the coals, too. But I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">firmly believe</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> that all that I went through in 2022 gave me the fortitude to handle everything that I experienced last year. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW56950394 BCX0" paraeid="{703b8919-cba3-49b4-8fe0-d210006fe158}{78}" paraid="1270524397" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">We can conclusively say that he is the one who was never ready, that is, if he does not have a sadistic streak. In all consciousness</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW56950394 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">, no one deserves to be treated so shabbily especially when they are pure of heart.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW56950394 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-8896917302621370412024-01-08T02:05:00.000-08:002024-01-08T02:05:41.908-08:00The Break and Everything Inbetween...<p><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtsLQhtEssAySvHru2sgJBhtApeNzpCHRVy_uwruNpmGNKznlQTLeG1-_Kj5b4VIcJj_vwVOIIJMO_o1J0zribIo5t4zPuiSUe2PjRVsxoa2TBJkungbhaTCNcxyAxxKIc7_MckBbwVEEnj8cIomblVR3smOezETqrAPdtNXoMBihki9xG_tWw4tDdR3I/s1024/PHOTO-2024-01-07-08-37-03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtsLQhtEssAySvHru2sgJBhtApeNzpCHRVy_uwruNpmGNKznlQTLeG1-_Kj5b4VIcJj_vwVOIIJMO_o1J0zribIo5t4zPuiSUe2PjRVsxoa2TBJkungbhaTCNcxyAxxKIc7_MckBbwVEEnj8cIomblVR3smOezETqrAPdtNXoMBihki9xG_tWw4tDdR3I/w318-h320/PHOTO-2024-01-07-08-37-03.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">TWITTER: @chrislil_gh</td></tr></tbody></table><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Two years ago, I took an abrupt break from publishing in this space. It feels like a lifetime. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Reading through</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> old posts to find my footing brought back tons of mixed emotions especially with the entries of 2021. There is a lot of dirty water under the bridge to muck through while I go about acquainting myself with Simply Shanah (the blog), and the readers that leave comments. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" color="windowtext" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p><p><a href="https://shanahfied.blogspot.com/2021/08/are-you-ever-ready.html" style="font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Are you EVER ready?</span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></a></p><p><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That title marked my last entry in 2021. At the time; it was a cover for what I was going through. what I wanted to write about but could not. I allude to this in the last sentence of the post.</span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{09438b57-6b67-4449-b741-9b3ddf481f09}{114}" paraid="838144281" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Time has been kind to this wound. It is no longer sore; I can talk about it without breaking into tears; it no longer has the sting of a fresh wound. I will pinch the emotional scab a little. By the way; pinching at scabs is one of my nervous gestures though I do it mostly on my lips.</span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{4ec595cf-cb38-46d9-a98b-7b3d587f94c6}{181}" paraid="83068834" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Well, I have tried to love the same man twice! </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Only a handful of people knew this.</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> Both times have been mired in terrible heartbreak. This last time; after I had dealt with the hurt and the pain, I came to the realization that God </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">probably made</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> this person for the purpose of letting me know that a human, I have met in my adult life, has the potential to do away with me, if I am not careful. I wholeheartedly believe this. Nothing can explain why someone comes to another party (who is minding her single business) with declarations of love only to sustain that person in </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">m</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">onths</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">long texts and eventually ghosting the person. Not once but twice.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{db7e7814-233e-4fb8-b8a1-ad1826fd1dd9}{176}" paraid="721522414" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Initially, I was friends with this person. We vibed as friends. I never held any romantic ideation where he was concerned. But I am such a hermit. I take forever to date, and I can honestly say that I have no idea how to relate romantically. 2015 was the one year I tried this dating and being in a relationship with a son of Adam. It did not end that well because we argued a lot, conversations were strained. We drifted apart. 2018; this guy makes his first declaration in one of the worst years of my life, as an adult. It was the year I had the accident. Midway through my recuperation, he ghosted. Who does that? I was physically and emotionally broken. I do not know how I got through that year because I was convinced that I would not make it to 2019.</span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{554addd7-1be5-4adc-950f-ced46d4bf568}{63}" paraid="1956469832" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Surprisingly, I did. I have had the honor of making some good friends as an adult. One friend in particular kept checking on me, I talked it over and over with my ride or die sister and I survived this horrible experience. I should have let sleeping dogs lie, no? I have countable friends and this person is the one person who knew all the milestones of my life, outside my closest circle of friends. I reached out to him. I told him how deeply he had hurt me and that if his feelings had changed, all he had to do was tell me because I valued our friendship. </span><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Another thing I have realized since 2018 is that I value </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">friendships</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> 100 percent while some value their friendship with </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">me at</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> 1 percent.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{d283a7bb-d19a-485f-b8ff-b850a8e29192}{160}" paraid="889418562" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">He </span><span class="NormalTextRun SpellingErrorV2Themed SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlSpellingErrorV2, url('data:image/svg+xml;base64,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')); background-position: 0% 100%; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">apologised</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. We flowed once again like we had not spoken to each other in one and a half years. Outside my immediate family, he made my two weeks of </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">hospitalization</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> in 2020 a bearable experience. </span></span><span color="windowtext" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Late 2020; he kept hinting at his feelings, littering terms of endearment here and there but not being outright until early 2021. I was very shocked to receive a heartfelt hearts day text. From then on it was touch and go. My intuition kept rearing its ugly head, I would tell him my fears and he would brush them off. At the end of it all, my fears did come to life. He not only ghosted me but left the country without so much as a by your leave my way. What made this incredibly hard is the way I found out. I found out from a friend...</span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW265573824 BCX0" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{aed3757e-104d-4e33-ac9b-15b4ecc8b007}{200}" paraid="52154168" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW265573824 BCX0" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{aed3757e-104d-4e33-ac9b-15b4ecc8b007}{200}" paraid="52154168" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px 0px 10.6667px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW265573824 BCX0" data-contrast="auto" face=""Century Gothic", "Century Gothic_EmbeddedFont", "Century Gothic_MSFontService", sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 20.5042px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><i>To be continued</i></span></p></div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-76376184101554926402021-08-05T11:41:00.004-07:002021-08-05T11:45:33.871-07:00Are You Ever Ready?<div><i><br /></i></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglnUnnbz2DMNbNbc8Tvy6zeXn0f3Oh4rMJAJiJgnNuUO8uOOQMvnHExLLBExe-VWRGsnGTVrUgxjdBz67KZkAyCV2vwu194mQOdOJLPQk46kuilmZN03XN9RG-uygEe03Q8Ulc755M-xo/s2048/20200131_123224527_iOS.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglnUnnbz2DMNbNbc8Tvy6zeXn0f3Oh4rMJAJiJgnNuUO8uOOQMvnHExLLBExe-VWRGsnGTVrUgxjdBz67KZkAyCV2vwu194mQOdOJLPQk46kuilmZN03XN9RG-uygEe03Q8Ulc755M-xo/w400-h300/20200131_123224527_iOS.heic" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>‘I am not ready’. ‘You are not ready’. ‘We are not ready’.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and landed on a post a friend had commented on. A woman had written in to a radio station saying that her boyfriend of 5 years is soon turning 30 and wants a positive pregnancy 🤰 test as a birthday present. The woman is 2 years shy of 30 and is not ready. </div><div><br /></div><div>This made me think, are we ever ready for a situation? Do we know how ready we are until we are in the middle of it? No. </div><div><br /></div><div>Before I braced myself and then some to go for studies, I was a bundle of doubts. </div><div>When a friend of mine sent me the application, I fired him so many questions just to dissuade him from encouraging me to apply. He had an answer to all the questions. To get him off my case, I accepted to apply. I went to office, sat on the application for the day and sent it to him. Late in the night, he told me he had issues with sending it and I told him to leave it. But he convinced me to send it myself. I did that the following day. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wrote that off until months later when I received an email inviting me for the interview. This interview. Let me first laugh at myself. 😂 I received the date and time while I was busy packing for the African Women’s Leadership Institute program. It was for 7 days and at a hotel deep in Namugongo while the interview was to be in Ntinda at the former offices of National Council for Disability. You should have seen me try to make it work. </div><div><br /></div><div>I had already stalled with the AWLI program and to cancel at the last minute was not right. I thought of turning down the interview because I couldn’t see myself flying from Namugongo to Ntinda but my friend and my mother convinced me otherwise. I had also read for it like my life depended on it. </div><div><br /></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;">Like in all life changing situations of my life, my brother was around and had use of my sister’s car. When mum informed me that he would pick me up, I told him the time he should pick me up and to bring along the dress I had in mind to wear for the interview. At NCD, someone I know (a fellow woman with a disability) walked into the room and she told me she was interviewing for the same. I told her then that I wouldn’t mind losing the interview to her. They could only take one of us. I interviewed with the mind that she will be the one to succeed. </span><br /></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><br /></span></div><div>Months down the road, I received an acceptance email on a really bad day. I braced myself before opening it because I couldn’t take anymore bad news and was shocked. I didn’t know what to do because I wasn’t expecting to be accepted. I didn’t even celebrate. 😢 </div><div>In the period of chasing academic and travel documents plus work commitments, my sister was diagnosed with a blood clot & was admitted to the High Dependency Unit. </div><div><br /></div><div>This literally put a wrench in everything. I was just returning from a trip to Iganga when my mum explicitly told me to go stay with my nephew for the duration. <span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;">I worked and looked after my nephew until his mother was discharged. This set my mum and I back severally. I applied for our visas when the visa office was a day to breaking off for the December holiday. </span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><br /></span></div><div>January 2020 dawned. We were to travel the first week of January but because we had applied late for the visas… I still harboured doubts about leaving the job, all that was familiar to me (family, friends, weather) and having a doctor a phone call away. In the background, there was also someone’s son. He had just hinted at a tea-date and I kept thinking, ‘what if this has the potential to blossom into something and my leaving kills it?’ I was a mess! Chap wasn’t even proposing but I actually considered the repercussions of the trip. That’s how you know it’s not easy being a girl. 😂</div><div><br /></div><div>I had misgivings. I kept talking to my senior advisor about most of them and he firmly told me that losing the job should not be cause for me to turn down an opportunity to better myself. If I lost it, there would be something else. I tendered in my request for study leave 3 days to the day of travel while my mum did all the running around shopping and packing. </div><div><br /></div><div>On the day of, I had to do more shopping, lunch with my sister Anitsha and continue to pack. I’d also wanted to see my nephew one more time before I left because I was so afraid he would forget me. He’d just learnt to say my name, picked up on the fact that I used crutches and was becoming a little connoisseur of tea. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, misgivings and doubts did not go away even while I was going through the student experience. <span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;">Nevertheless, I went. I lived. I loved. I studied. I thrived. I did it all while I was afraid and do not regret it one bit. </span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><br /></span></div><div>My point is you never know that you are ready for anything until you are either right in the middle of the situation or walking the steps. All you have to do is take that leap of faith but prepare for the consequences. Like leaving someone’s son yet all he had suggested was a tea-date. 😒 </div><div><br /></div><div>This post was also inspired by a current situation in my life...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-56036423609572012542021-04-12T11:20:00.002-07:002021-04-12T11:34:11.500-07:00Search My Feelings...<div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaiTE-d1cx1LlEJ875u50Gq82hOhiJf-pBR4Em6-kn-mHQrXT_PB4F1mYS2kdh4geXOwEhx7pMvnsO_Kk_Eq7LqeQZtw-C7nER2IGCOrfpbHIr0r_XSW7J8yXEf2OAHltBAMrATQ7WVs/s2048/TPW-151-AdobeStock_121986694.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1364" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaiTE-d1cx1LlEJ875u50Gq82hOhiJf-pBR4Em6-kn-mHQrXT_PB4F1mYS2kdh4geXOwEhx7pMvnsO_Kk_Eq7LqeQZtw-C7nER2IGCOrfpbHIr0r_XSW7J8yXEf2OAHltBAMrATQ7WVs/w400-h266/TPW-151-AdobeStock_121986694.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Do you ever sit and scrutinise your feelings? Feelings that wash over you when you least expect it? </div><div>Last night, in a dream, it occurred to me that this guy I have been texting with for the longest time ever, he and I shall not materialise into anything. When this came to me, I thought I’d hurt incredibly but I’ve spent the day searching myself, my thoughts, my feelings over the entire situation and I’m OK. </div><div>We cannot force people into being what they cannot be for us. This is something I’ve come to learn. I guess I should cry over the empty promises, the awakened feelings that invariably end in disappointment and deflation. In years I least expect someone to turn my head, make me believe in the impossible and leave me either in limbo or hanging. I should cry for letting myself dream about stuff I really have no business dreaming about but not yet. There are no tears yet. Perhaps they will come at a later date. </div><div>For now, I feel apathetic. What this person does, who he does it with is entirely up to him. All I know is I’m done. I’m tired of holding onto hope over an impossibility. I’m also tired of pandering to people’s emotions and feelings. </div><div>I wish I could give up on this. On trying to find a partner. But, I feel that I’ve given up on a lot more that I wanted in this life that to give up on this would be the ultimate let down. Dying alone is something I don’t want for myself and it’s what drives me to give it a go when someone catches my fancy. I try once opportunity arises but it seems it’s never enough. </div><div>I am not hurt that you’ll never grace me with your physical presence, that you really have no desire to see me or see you live up to your promises, no. I’m hurt that you make me want to cease all attempts to find a partner and acquaint myself with the thought of being self-partnered for life, again!</div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-79126466750636508682021-02-01T23:58:00.000-08:002021-02-01T23:58:15.044-08:00Hang Up On A MAY BE!<p><b></b></p><blockquote><b> “You can’t be any more available to a person that doesn’t want to be available to you.”- Shanah</b></blockquote><p></p><p>I am no expert on relationships because the longest I’ve been in one is fit enough to pass as a 7 - day trial in app purchases world. The period where you consider whether it’s good enough for you to spend your money on it or not worth the expenditure. That’s my love life. </p><p>Over the eyes I’ve been in the longest textship known to woman with one person. This textship has gone through a lot, least of which is the 2 years period of silence because we weren’t on speaking terms. But, as it is wont to do, it picks up where it left off regardless of the hiccups. </p><p>It should be OK. But it’s not. At this period in my life I’m wondering if this is going anywhere at all given that the length of it shows that it’s not. This is someone I have known for over five years and seen socially three times in this period of knowing each other. He says really nice things that make me want to believe never calls or even so much as asked for a date. </p><p>Current circumstances notwithstanding, I feel that a lot more effort than endless empty promises filled with fully furnished sand castles in the air should be made. A tea date? </p><p>The possibility that this is not going anywhere except in text is glaring at me in the face but I’m caught between calling it quits because I’m being impatient or waiting it out because it just might flourish into something beautiful. I do not know. All I know is I could be hang up on a “maybe” that might never blossom into an actual thing.</p>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-14515288042772468142020-06-19T08:50:00.001-07:002020-06-19T08:50:47.835-07:00He Called Her At Midnight<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj139oyPmbXaDybxk0SDfnUTUzrvLfm1d17Pkoy52r0SmuXZsYUFFFB0XAl8TO0BGp4RIa8FIxBOsYWOMMl3GwvDB3lmxoFYAWe6JYNSf55DQ5q1vk6xrGC9IsX-VegXQp4zq8Bjb7bo0E/s1600/1572711416409923-0.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj139oyPmbXaDybxk0SDfnUTUzrvLfm1d17Pkoy52r0SmuXZsYUFFFB0XAl8TO0BGp4RIa8FIxBOsYWOMMl3GwvDB3lmxoFYAWe6JYNSf55DQ5q1vk6xrGC9IsX-VegXQp4zq8Bjb7bo0E/s1600/1572711416409923-0.png" width="400" />
</a>
</div></div><div><br /></div><div>"She looks so sad."</div><div>"That is one beautiful drawing, what inspired it?"</div><div>"Weren't you afraid to show such naked emotion in a design?"</div><div>These were some of the comments and questions raised by her visitors. The ones she deigned to let across the front door for she was a private person and valued her solitude. Her hand shook slightly as her index finger traced the lines of a heart-shaped face, big eyes full of incomprehensible sorrow and pink lips pursed in disdain. Save for the pink lips; black encompassed the piece and put forth the emotions that could never be hidden even after the passage of time. </div><div>Looking at her, so dark and laden with emotions; the events leading to her existence unfolded before her eyes. It took a great deal of effort to bring herself back from the abyss the breakup with Max had thrown her into. There had been days when her despair was too potent for her to get through, days where she turned up to work in full black because that was the only way she could explain her mood and dressing required a lot more effort than she had. Days where she would take constant bathroom breaks at work just to shed the tears in her heart. When the pain was too intense and breathing had become a chore. <br /></div><div>Time was indeed the healer of all wounds. To be able to look back on all that pain and feel a slight niggle of disappointment in the people they failed to be for each other attested to her emotional state. She was even crazier for entertaining the thought of seeing him again. </div><div>“Had he changed? Would he notice the woman she had become? Had their time apart been as hard for him as it had for her at the beginning?” All these questions rotated in her mind like a spinning wheel and almost made it impossible for her to return to the task at hand. One thing was certain, Max was hurting and needed her. That is all that mattered, for now. <br /></div><div>Alexandra gave the piece one last glance and put it back on the mantle. Looking at her work from this vantage point gave her a level of satisfaction she could never get enough of. Art has always been there for her; even in her darkest days, she could rely on it to bring her back from the depths of despair. <br /></div><div>Dawn was soon breaking and she needed to put the finishing touches to the draft she was currently working on for a close friend. He had commissioned a piece from her on a whim so she wanted to knock his socks off with her artistic interpretation of his name. A smile crossed her face as she thought of him. </div><div>Liam. He had came into her life when she least wanted to form lasting ties with anyone let alone a man yet couldn’t turn down his offer of friendship.<br /></div>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-66945932426054615292020-06-13T05:24:00.001-07:002020-06-13T05:25:50.549-07:00The Week That Was<div class="separator"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8wio4VCC0QJMi1Hhpv08teHiRKjiWZWaq0yHfX3jZLhfq8YFYlYd-lXmytsqbXU9LZ5HbeQhKS1hGL-xRBeGK3wwRwBm3rvAsRXNYJMrqoAP1gZY04bsZc0_ieuX51lre-g4-8qR62_Y/w300-h400/fdcba08a-2203-457e-91f9-d5e11e65fb0b.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Left leg under a full length cast" width="300" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Left leg under a full length cast</td></tr></tbody></table><p style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-size: 11pt; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><font face="georgia">This week started
off with a birthday celebration. During the celebration, my mood was
inexplicably low. The girls thought it was a guy disturbing me and I blamed it
on my period. I could not put a finger on it until I scrutinised the date and
its significance. The date of celebration was the same day I was in an
accident. In my own way, I was celebrating life.</font></span></p></div>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">8th June 2018 was
such a beautiful morning. I noticed it because I was giddy with what I
thought was love. <span style="font-size: 11pt;">My heart was so happy that I truly believed happiness was
not</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">the fickle feeling that I took it to
be. My memory of everything I was doing the day before shall forever remain intact. I had a yoga session, before I went to bed I was writing
a note to a man I was falling in love with. That night was so cold. It was
raining and the last thought before I drifted off to sleep was if he was next
to me, I would burrow under his t-shirt for additional warmth. Recalling this
to this day makes me think God had a huge laugh at my expense… </span>The odd thing about this particular morning was my mental recitation of a prayer for the newly departed. Inna lilahi wa inna ilaihi raj'un popped into my head on the way. I questioned it and hoped not to receive bad news on the way. Reflecting on this later, it was to confirm that sometimes we may accompany people to their deaths without knowing it. The person I was with that morning passed away while I was undergoing surgery. </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">Recovery is indeed a
process. I have unexpected bursts of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome most
especially when I'm in a car. Even with people I trust, I find myself gripped
with fear when a car shoots by the one I'm in or see one coming directly in
front of us at break-neck speed. I first noticed this last year while going on
a work trip. The driver mentioned how frightened I was whenever a car was
passing by or when he sped to overtake the other vehicles. I thought I was
hiding it well but apparently not. Also, you never know how effective an almost
fatal incident like this has on you until the shift in dreams that you thought
were of value to you. I had to give up on a dream I have held since I was a
teenager after my accident. I do not regret it except for the other dream I
chose to hold onto. I may have to give up on that as well.</font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">Two years down the
road… The left ankle that swells to the size of a potato when I have borne more
weight on it than I should is regaining colour. It no longer looks as dark as
charcoal and is slowly blending into my normal complexion. I have the worst skin
ever. All my bruises turn black and take ages to fade. </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">At the birthday
celebration, we talked about friendships and what they meant to each of us. A
topic I have been reviewing and evaluating these two years. I have perused
comments on Facebook posts scoffing at people who expect 100% from their
friends because they have been there for them and the friends in question
failed to return that show of support during their hard times. The lesson here
is that while some of us value friendships at 100%, others value them at 10%.
That is why they have no expectations whatsoever out of these friendships. They
are happy with that 10% when and if it comes in. If you are like me, you should
not feel guilty about expecting more from the people you have given 100% to in
good or bad times. I was lucky to have unexpected people outside my circle of
friends and family check on me during my recuperation and it made up for the
ones that failed. </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">I last internalised
the male gaze in 2015 but I have done so much of it this year more so in the
past month that I forgot to be proud of my progress. I was happy when I noticed
the discolouration, how my bones do not ache as much when the cold gets to me
or when I am exhausted at the point of injury. Full flexibility is still a
dream for now because I stopped with the physiotherapy that seemed a lot more
torturous than should be.</font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">So far, this is the
longest I have used crutches as a pair. Initially, I was afraid but now, I have
a bit of confidence in them. I can swing on them if I wanted and no longer tire
as easily as I did the first couple of months. The most tedious thing is the
caution. I have to have to be vigilant of where I place the crutches while on
gravel and slippery floor. It takes a lot more energy having to think and walk
with care.</font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">The fact that my
mood has been all over the place this week 8th-13th June 2020 is evidence that
the mind may forget but the body never forgets what it has been through.</font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia"> </font></p>
<p style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><font face="georgia">Here's to recovery,
better friendships and courage to go through the hard times without breaking.</font></p>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0Western Region, Iceland64.770434 -21.534129448.879942905694683 -56.6903794 80.6609250943053 13.622120599999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-21655909041869088322020-03-22T10:00:00.000-07:002020-03-22T10:00:12.045-07:00The Value of Sacrifice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy2hbZYhuy9If9kBIdBm_jtH1Ux4SGNgKIBtSvWlNOf__CYlPOxvpqvZfetgoY6U1U0_FB0gOAqkMOWTqJCu27F8f4Xtj_4jcBVF1qG-dA1NRHVH-6c-cLx38arqzC_cwt_kahSvxC4LI/s1600/invest-in-yourself-board-clips-sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1069" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy2hbZYhuy9If9kBIdBm_jtH1Ux4SGNgKIBtSvWlNOf__CYlPOxvpqvZfetgoY6U1U0_FB0gOAqkMOWTqJCu27F8f4Xtj_4jcBVF1qG-dA1NRHVH-6c-cLx38arqzC_cwt_kahSvxC4LI/s400/invest-in-yourself-board-clips-sign.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
When you talk about self investment; people assume that you’re talking from a background of privilege. An assumption that could not be further from the truth.<br />
Self-investment especially in the area of work takes sacrifice. It’s a deliberate choice to forego something for the other to make your life and performance better.<br />
A couple of months ago; a colleague was moving on from our shared workplace. I remember asking her if she really was not interested in investing in herself and buying a tangible reminder of her effort at this particular workplace. She had been complaining about the lack of a personal laptop and a low-grade mobile phone that couldn’t perform work functions like sending emails, taking notes and good photos. And, the general lack of disposable equipment for each individual’s use.<br />
Many hold the sentiment that your workplace is supposed to provide the environment, and equipment for you to perform to the best of your ability in that role. But, what if your workplace cannot provide yet needs your skills? Does that mean you are incapable of performing to the best of your abilities? Should the lack of equipment limit you from putting in your best effort with personal resources?<br />
So many people depend on the provisions of the workplace and fail to see the need for self-investment. Many have moved from workplace-to-workplace without so much as a personal laptop which in today’s world is an equipment we cannot leave without.<br />
After my second stint of employment; I recall telling a workmate that I was employed because I came with a mobile office. I already had my personal laptop, tablet and smartphone therefore lessening the demands and cost of my position to the organisation. I used personal equipment for two years until the organisation amassed enough funds to provide me with a work laptop and this was due to an ethical dilemma.<br />
One can only cite “I do not have the necessary equipment to perform this task” as an excuse before it stops to wash. Recruiters are looking for problem-solvers, out of the box-thinkers and generally self-motivated individuals willing to go the distance in the performance of their duties despite the low resources. Recruiters are also aware of their shortcomings but it does not stop them from taking on skilled individuals. If anything; they are also looking at how you solve that particular problem without incurring more costs for them.<br />
As individuals; we should look further than waiting for the workplace to provide and invest in ourselves because every tangible output from our on sweat is ours to hold and proof of sacrifices made not necessarily privilege.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Image credits: googledotcom</div>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-71940786001144173652019-07-25T11:55:00.000-07:002019-07-25T11:55:26.878-07:00Champion Your Work!<div dir="ltr">
'<i>You are as good as your last project. You are as good as your last pitch. You are as good as your last review. And with every day that passes, that project pitch or review will lose its wonder.' - Ross Simmonds</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I first wrote about<a href="http://https//shanahfied.blogspot.com/2015/04/volunteer-workshop.html"> </a><b><a href="http://https//shanahfied.blogspot.com/2015/04/volunteer-workshop.html">self marketing</a></b> after a workshop held for volunteers and interns at my workplace. Back then; it was based on the background of employment and promotion. But, how about if a person is a creative? A writer or an actor? How do they go about having their work out there?<br />
Last week: I came across a tweet from a blogger saying that she had written a topical piece for a program. Unfortunately, the piece was rejected and it left her deflated. She had put a lot of effort into the composition of the piece and the bad review almost crushed her. However, she did not let it get her down. She shared the same piece on a different platform and was contacted about it a few weeks later. <br />
In the same week; the nominations for the Emmy Awards were announced. HBO, the famous home of that little show Game of Thrones had left out actress Gwendoline Christie from its list of submission for nominees. She took matters into her own hands and <a href="http://https//www.vogue.com/article/gwendoline-christie-nominated-herself-emmy-awards-game-of-thrones?mbid=social_onsite_facebook">submitted</a> her own work. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her to get recognition for the craft she loves so much and she got it. She received her letter of nomination from the Emmy Awards Committee and the rest as they say is history!<br />
Personally, I participated in a writing competition for the Uganda Feminist Forum by writing an op-ed on the theme '<b>Silencing our fears and fearing our silence'.</b> Acceptance into the convening depended on the success of one's submission and I really wanted to gain entry into that space. Topical pieces are typically not my forte as history serves. Since I know myself well and are very conversant of my not so lucky streak when it comes to these pieces; I kept it at the back of my mind to share the piece here. It was reflective of my hardwork and sweat for it to be hidden away like something I was not proud of. <br />
Surprise of all surprises? I recieved an invite to the Uganda Feminist Forum! I was so giddy with excitement and disbelief that it took awhile for it to sink in. I then took to my social networks to share the excitement! To this date; I am still happy at the thought that that op-ed scored me a invite into a space that is closed to many. I still harbour the intention of sharing the op-ed on this space for I am extremely proud of myself and the piece.<br />
With all that said: I am requesting us to become champions of our work as creatives. Let us not let the bad reviews, lack of appreciation from companies, organisations and institutions that we work for stop us from gaining the recognition that we seek. Let us take advantage of the platforms available to us and use them in our favor. <br />
You do not have to wait for people to appreciate you in order to appreciate yourself especially when it comes to your work. Be your own Champion and let the world marvel at your grit, determination and work.</div>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-46837487514713028592019-07-20T05:43:00.000-07:002019-07-20T05:43:24.872-07:00Dear Love...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUivTTWDSP0El8J1mRrIA_kgoXc_gBbf-kopSlAcMxHJ8qtY34ijA9FQ2nmvxHpTTCD6wqHzyDcZ4tsM8WJPPvUs7BptDbckpVbrUuAkS0Cq38kQAZRc9bZT5eY_tB1XgxQSSjtgpJfW8/s1600/IMG-20190720-WA0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="670" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUivTTWDSP0El8J1mRrIA_kgoXc_gBbf-kopSlAcMxHJ8qtY34ijA9FQ2nmvxHpTTCD6wqHzyDcZ4tsM8WJPPvUs7BptDbckpVbrUuAkS0Cq38kQAZRc9bZT5eY_tB1XgxQSSjtgpJfW8/s320/IMG-20190720-WA0001.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
Dear Love,<br />
<br />
You will have to forgive me for writing you this letter but I feel that it is long over due. I have waited patiently for your arrival for so long that sometimes I forget that I am actually waiting. I am slowly starting to accept the fact that I just may be that one person in the family that may never discover the beauty within you.<br />
<br />
The times that I think deeply about you make me question your existence. Are you there for me? Are you not a figment of my imagination? Are you not an illusion I entertain courtesy of the Romance novels I have poured over the years to make my soul happy? To nurture my wanning faith in your actual existence?<br />
<br />
There are a handful of instances where I felt that you were so close that not only could I believe in your true existence but could languish in the feelings that the thought of you evoked. In these instances; I have experienced nothing but snatched hope and dreams.<br />
<br />
Rejection, disappointment and ghosting at your expense have brought me unimaginable pain. Pain I did not think I would ever experience time and time again coupled with my other lot in life. Physical pain heals but emotional pain, there is no permanent relief for that except time, endurance and acceptance.<br />
<br />
If there is anything this life has shown me; it is that to accept to hurt interminably for an unknown period of time takes sheer will power many do not have and neither do I. I almost came close to throwing in the towel this time last year because it was heartwrenchingly tough for me to withstand being emotionally and physically broken at the same time.<br />
<br />
Would you believe it if I told you that I have rivulets of tears streaming down my face while penning you this letter? I would like to believe that it is cathartic but that would be lying. I have been crying on and off since July begun for no good reason. No. There is a good reason. I tend to lose people that I actually care for and presumably care for me in this month. And last year, well... I gathered my self--respect and lost again.<br />
<br />
I look back on the times I was led on because of you. The times I have had my hopes crushed out of empty promises. The times I have believed in the words of humans that have never so much as paid for my data subscription and worst of it all; having to share my most prized dream - little Shanah's existence and mapped out life like she was a useless piece of gossip to share with everyone.<br />
<br />
I hate you for that, you know. I hate you for having the ability to let people bait others with their most cherished dreams for entertainment: hoping that it comes true with them. Some things should be no-go areas and this is one of them.<br />
<br />
Do you exist? I believe you do. I see hints of you in a lovers' embrace, the lingering glances and touches, beautifully written words in text and the intimate gestures that breathe nothing but familiarity between couples that make me sigh out of pleasure for being privvy to them from the sidelines.<br />
<br />
Do you exist for me? I do not know. Would I like to find out? Maybe. I remain uncertain of this because of past experiences. I find myself shying away from flirtations and deeper conversations with the opposite sex because I do not wish to hurt any more. I no longer have the desire for meaningless conversations with people that do not excite me intellectually, humorously and emotionally. Most of all; I have come to loathe being used as a vessel to alleviate people's boredom, faux separation and silent treatments in their relationships.<br />
<br />
People are under the impression that I am seeking perfection. They could not be more wrong. I am seeking emotional availability, consistency, honesty and action. Nothing more than that. But, it kind of seems too much to ask especially during this wait for you. I do not even know what to ask for anymore. The endless waiting period has filled me with a lot of doubt regarding your existence for me.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
If you do exist for me, If you eventually arrive, may you be everything and more than I could ever dream of. May you show me your glorious beauty and imbue my soul with all the contentment it can take. And most of all; give me the simple pleasure of basking in the splendor of your reflection in a lover's eyes and warmth of his embrace.<br />
<br />
Yours,<br />
Shanah<br />
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-37442013999283228882019-05-12T05:09:00.001-07:002019-05-12T05:13:01.218-07:00When Loneliness Speaks<p dir="ltr">I couldn't help looking at you.<br>
Cute face, cuter smile,<br>
It lingered on my brain.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Made me wish we had crossed paths earlier,<br>
Before the band on your finger.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I kept looking in your direction,<br>
Entertaining thoughts I had no reason to,<br>
But couldn'tbe denied.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You had my loneliness speak louder than before.</p>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-31118961807189960462019-04-19T00:07:00.002-07:002019-05-12T05:18:34.490-07:00Could We Start Over?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPP1C6IFCzjAkf-NnNqasdURSQQsssOal27OPmI6zFJQztm2MymgmJ5XW1sa1p_LaAEuBoqxMZQK3DhUhVq2g9HpoRmCVpzlshdG5Nizu0GXjI5mXdztGAJQIH_gA7mYvAo7wmwwzrQXU/s1600/1D61F0FF-EBE0-4132-8C10-179D89B1EC9B-1065-000000D792CC4B60+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPP1C6IFCzjAkf-NnNqasdURSQQsssOal27OPmI6zFJQztm2MymgmJ5XW1sa1p_LaAEuBoqxMZQK3DhUhVq2g9HpoRmCVpzlshdG5Nizu0GXjI5mXdztGAJQIH_gA7mYvAo7wmwwzrQXU/s400/1D61F0FF-EBE0-4132-8C10-179D89B1EC9B-1065-000000D792CC4B60+%25281%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Could we start over?<br />
Learn each other anew?<br />
Appreciate the quirks we missed about us?<br />
<br />
Could we start over?<br />
Let the love we held onto tightly unfurl?<br />
Blossom into the splendour we denied ourselves?<br />
<br />
Could we start over?<br />
Heal the hurts between us and build new memories?<br />
Nurture the love that can no longer be hidden?<br />
<br />
Could we start over?<br />
Our bodies are starting to betray us<br />
In recognition of the attraction between us<br />
<br />
Could we start over?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo Credits: psiloveyou.xyz</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Ps: This poem was inspired by a Bollywood series (Kum Kum Bagya) I watch now and then. Seven years has passed and the lead characters are suddenly back into each other's space although attached to different people. </span><br />
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-3180120458087338682019-04-17T22:46:00.001-07:002019-04-17T22:46:17.370-07:00Where Is Your Boyfriend?!<br />
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
As I grow
older, I find myself weary of answering the 'where is your boyfriend?' question
from interested and idly disinterested but nosy parties. </div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Before; I
would take it on nonchalantly and either respond with a joke or honesty to
those that hold genuine interest in my life and wish me well but now, I am
exhausted.</div>
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
The question
has become an endless reminder of my failure as a female despite my many
accomplishments and successes career-wise. There are so many things I should be
grateful and proud of at the moment but they are encapsulated by sorrow over my
incapacity to be attached to someone for society's validation.</div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Whenever a person asks me, 'where is your boyfriend?', I am reminded of the many futile
attempts made to hold on to people that don't want to be held on to, the boys I had
hopes in but never measured up and the number of times I have been led towards
dead end roads and each memory cuts like a sharp knife. The memories still
sting like they happened yesterday yet enough time has passed for the pain to
lessen.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
Many may not
know this but I have tried. So much so that I have let go of the dreams I held
in this regard and made peace with the fact that they shall never come to
fruition in this life. I am slowly getting used to the notion that I might be
the spinster aunt to my nephews and do not have the time nor the energy to help
everyone along. The only energy I have is for the betterment of me as a human,
to show kindness to others and be good where possible. Besides, this body is
giving up on me faster than my spirit is. I can't be fighting two
things at ago. I am enough with or without a man. </div>
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-50678051802005779192018-12-08T00:25:00.000-08:002018-12-08T00:25:34.993-08:00The Day That Was...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVXC7CWS8ap08Hsu8ao4l5nmbpY3zPutw2YA8gSrBMK323x9z4m17iIBdjuGM19Zi9bWtXQ47cVOelrNQmn4RFGok2O-BBxU4d-cmLT4MNqZUomc8X5Lok3FEiJ9RTshzWuHGKQybTL-c/s1600/DSCN0087.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1135" data-original-width="1600" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVXC7CWS8ap08Hsu8ao4l5nmbpY3zPutw2YA8gSrBMK323x9z4m17iIBdjuGM19Zi9bWtXQ47cVOelrNQmn4RFGok2O-BBxU4d-cmLT4MNqZUomc8X5Lok3FEiJ9RTshzWuHGKQybTL-c/s400/DSCN0087.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
3rd December is behind us but the memories of left with me this time round shall last a lifetime. <br />
<br />
I love watching Sign Language Interpreters at work so much so that I usually take videos of my back up man whenever he is doing his thing in my presence. As impressive as I find him to be; none has ever left me in awe like the little girl with DeafBlindness from Sense International that I happened to share the tent with. <br />
<br />
Watching tactile Sign Language in action is an experience I shall never forget.<br />
For those that don’t know, people with DeafBlindness communicate through touch and their language mimics Sign Language with the exception being the respondents or communicators touch the person with DeafBlindness to communicate with them. <br />
<br />
Whenever the little girl received visitors that knew the language; I’d stop and watch them communicate for the sheer pleasure of it. Seeing the visitors with happiness written all over their faces while communicating with her made the experience unforgettable. I’ve been in company of a few people with DeafBlindness but none as adept at communication and expression like the little girl.<br />
<br />
Sense International finally made its presence in Uganda visible and I believe that it being the wind beneath the empowerment of people with DeafBlindness, children and their parents, we shall learn a lot from people with DeafBlindness and communication between us wont be as stilted like before.<br />
<br />
Just as I was marinating in everything I’d witnessed at the Sense International tent, there zoomed in to my line of vision an exuberant and excited man with the widest grin I’ve seen in a long while. Seeing his infectious smile made me smile in return as we made eye contact. I took all of him in searching for the reason for his happiness. It’s not until I saw the film wrapping clinging to the shiny metallic ring of his wheelchair that it made sense. <br />
<br />
He had just received a new set of wheels aka wheelchair (probably his first because happiness and excitement radiated off him in waves!)
He took off soon as the realisation dawned on me and I couldn’t be anymore excited for him because I know what it means to finally be mobile. To not have to depend on anyone when you have your own strength nor limit your journey or movement due to lack of assistive aides to help you get to your destination. <br />
<br />
That health camp from the Ministry of Health Uganda really did a good job in availing Persons with Disabilities in Nakaseke with assistive devices. So many amputees walked off with artificial limbs while children with Disabilities most especially those with severe effects from epilepsy were given table aided wheelchairs to help their postures. <br />
<br />
We take so much for granted sometimes that we forget how the littlest of things could mean to someone like communication and mobility. People with DeafBlindness are left isolated because of the lack of communication skills with the hearing and seeing world yet we all deserve the right to hear 👂🏽 and be heard regardless of the manners in which we choose to communicate.<br />
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-70240010854890427242018-09-28T01:20:00.005-07:002018-09-28T01:20:55.265-07:00Test Yourself and Your Skills!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeVOykcxvEfpZIxB346KuoUTPl4dR77bW2QlUGSJ5yzpBO1PW08OlxZD0uI7m4cguFqPkkm93S6UFaKxvIWiajcJZynP5tj5KDJ4fo9DnZKjrKS87Wn2Rfc5aqYwxERyk6J1v9vxGGGg/s1600/work.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="613" data-original-width="804" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeVOykcxvEfpZIxB346KuoUTPl4dR77bW2QlUGSJ5yzpBO1PW08OlxZD0uI7m4cguFqPkkm93S6UFaKxvIWiajcJZynP5tj5KDJ4fo9DnZKjrKS87Wn2Rfc5aqYwxERyk6J1v9vxGGGg/s400/work.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
A fortnight ago; I received the most unexpected phone call inviting me to an interview for a job I couldn't recall applying for. Aside from an E-Mail inviting me to an interview over a concept note I had come up with for an advocacy video at work, this was the second best thing to happen to me, this year.<br />
I am a firm believer in not turning down interviews unless your mental, emotional and physical state are compromised in a manner that makes it impossible for you to give it your all. I was in that kind of state and knew I would not be able to make it for the interview while the details were being given to me over the phone. I immediately declined and thanked the person for the call.<br />
You would not believe the joy I felt after that phone call. As much as I had to turn down the break of an interview, I could not help but be happy over the fact that the application I sent in on a whim got me that far. <br />
When I sent in the application: a week to the day of my accident, early June according to LinkedIn, I was not looking for a job. I was testing my skills and credentials. During our<a href="https://shanahfied.blogspot.com/2015/04/volunteer-workshop.html" target="_blank"> volunteer workshop</a> for Interns and Volunteers, a former Supervisor once said that always try for a job if you meet 3/5 requirements of the job description. I realized that LinkedIn made this so easy with its system because all a person has to do is press "apply" when a position of interest comes along. However, this piece of advice is not restricted to technology. One can take the traditional channels available to them and apply for any position as long as they meet half the requirements. You do not necessarily have to be looking for a job. Take the time out and periodically test your skills and credentials of your professional field to ascertain that you earned your position and that your current and additional skills are good enough to get you an interview elsewhere.<br />
To make up for the lack of experience in the other half of the job description requirements, take advantage of the internet and its vast resources to learn. Teach yourself some of these things. Invest in yourself and your career especially if you wish to grow. Personally, I never knew anything about creating a newsletter until I was thrust into the role without help. I watched tutorials on how to use MS Publisher, downloaded the manual and practiced until I got the hang of it. If you have free access to the Internet make it beneficial to YOU and your career growth.<br />
Another thing; once in awhile, ask a friend of yours to anonymously call up the people you list as referees on your job applications. When a friend of mine said this, I could not get over the sneaky yet cleverness of it. Sometimes, the people we do use as referees sabotage our career development because no one wants to lose a good employee but what about you when you feel that it is time for you to move on? Getting your friend to find out if your referees sell you or curtail your chances is a good way to be sure that nothing stands between you and your next place of employment.<br />
Like I mentioned earlier; I am a firm believer in not turning down interviews unless your mental, emotional and physical state are compromised. Over the course of my young career, I have had to turn down two interviews on account of my health. The first turn down in 2016 hurt me a lot because I was sick, unemployed and really needed the job. I almost asked for a postponement until I remembered that appealing to the emotions of a Messenger was not the way to go. I sadly apologized and hang up. I contemplated going for it but the memory of me taking my final exams under the grips of poor health with the cold sweats randomly popping out did not seat well with me. I would have done more harm than good. The last thing you want to display to the interview panel is you at your weakest. They might empathize but will not take pity on you for showing up in that state. Always show up when you are at your finest and can think on your feet. <br />
Truthfully; I have experienced a lot of failures in my pursuit of development programs to enhance my skills, knowledge and experience in my current field of operation but this invite to an interview even if it never materialized restored my spirit, faith in myself and capabilities.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Image Credits: googledotcom</span>Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-88227672283230237132018-09-06T09:00:00.000-07:002018-09-06T09:15:01.776-07:00Plus One<p>It has been a year since I composed this  under the influence of a sugar high and poor health. I was so chafed to see it in today's Facebook memories because I have been anxiously anticipating its revival, in a good way.</p>
<p>I still want to be someone's pain in the ass but maybe not exactly at this point in time. A later date or year or months when I am emotionally and mentally in a good place... possibly.<br></p>
<p>At this point in time:<br>
I'd love nothing better than to be someone's plus one,<br>
I want to be pampered,<br>
I want to be cosseted,<br>
I want to be a sugar-babe :(<br>
I really miss the 3 am texting,<br>
The ordained time for a soul-soul connection,<br>
When insomnia was more of a friend than enemy,<br>
I want to be someone's pain in the ass,<br>
In the name of love!</p>
<p>Shanah</p>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-65512508242593419862018-08-12T12:30:00.001-07:002018-08-16T07:23:52.737-07:00The Distance Between Us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX2M_VGWM3wy972wdjF7Ixy2a_JSAnAqVEwEk-NNiFwEv02oeSTOKb13I0uZix6gyBWY_ehqnsWY8pq7DRjVxBul4Hv3TbKSqTiwKiSWUtFXw6yvjHyi8L8oHk9o_14auHj2UutHFmPRM/s1600/love+letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="320" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX2M_VGWM3wy972wdjF7Ixy2a_JSAnAqVEwEk-NNiFwEv02oeSTOKb13I0uZix6gyBWY_ehqnsWY8pq7DRjVxBul4Hv3TbKSqTiwKiSWUtFXw6yvjHyi8L8oHk9o_14auHj2UutHFmPRM/s400/love+letter.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
To<br />
My Former Love;<br />
<br />
I still think that you're the one that understood me best. <br />
I would have given you a chance a million times over, if you had shown a modicum of the interest I thought we shared. But, you never did. Neither when I asked you nor I forced your hand. You still played your cards close to your chest and I wasn't built for it. I wasn't built for uncertainty yet you thrived, no, savoured it like it was the most delicious morsel of meat you have ever tasted. <br />
My needs and I have always played second fiddle to the needs of the people in my life and seeing myself taken as a by -the-way was something I couldn't settle for. Even though murky water runs beneath the makeshift bridge we built, it doesn't take away the handful of good memories I have left of you. <br />
You can't deny that I tried for you. I tried a lot more than you would ever know but it wasn't enough. The deal was too raw for me to settle given the uncertainty of the terms. It was either your way or not at all. <br />
Taking you from the person I shared every little detail of my life with, to someone I share a handful of memories with wasn't easy. You were my waking thought. The person my thoughts ran to when something happened in my life and my 3 am companion. You were a habit I nurtured with each opportunity that came my way until... <br />
<i>How many times did we try to mend the cracks between us? Once? Twice? Thrice?</i> I can't even remember because there were instances where you were so callous in your treatment; instances I forgave you for because I liked you a lot, until that day.<br />
<i>Do you ever wonder what happened? Do you think about what you did wrong that drove me to that point? Should I tell you: now that we have a few years worth of distance between us?</i><br />
To you; it was another empty promise you were making me yet it was a little bubble of hope for us on my side. You gave me the teenage experience I never had by making me wait for a call that never came through. Given our history; that wasn't unexpected but the bitter taste the experience left in my mouth was something I didn't relish. That day made the decision for me. <br />
I had made a lot of moves for you, given you a lot more chances than I have ever given anyone in my life, watched from the side-lines as you publicly mocked every little thing that I did for you. It was enough. I couldn't give anymore. I had nothing left. You took it all. Even the fight I should have had on reserve for your successors. <br />
<i>Am I angry? No.</i> <i>If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know what to look for in anyone I might consider sharing my life with.</i> You are the other yardstick on which I measure their worth as men especially when it comes to their treatment towards me. <br />
It took me years to give others chances. Unfortunately or fortunately, the first person I gave a chance to failed miserably. He said all the pretty and flowery words that I longed to hear from you and I was sold. <i>No. You know I do I do not fall that easily.</i> I thought the years and affection between this person and I would provide the firm foundation for this stage in our lives only to be disappointed. Like you, he failed to live up to his words. <br />
<i>Do you remember that girl? The one that fought for you?</i> She couldn't garner the energy to fight for him once he started being indifferent towards her. That girl just unfriended him so he could do it better from a far. Fighting never even crossed my mind yet it was an uncontrollable urge for your case. Mend it! Fix it! Give it one more try! I was always bridging the distance between us that to this day - I do not have the energy it takes to fight for or chase after a guy, however much I presume to like him. <br />
My life is a revolving door of comings and goings. I should be used to it but I am not. Seeing your successor go hurt a lot because I thought we had a good friendship. The years alone should have been enough to intercede and stop this outcome... <br />
I have never regretted you. I still do not regret you. You meant much more than you knew at that point in my life. What I regret are the feelings you evoked in me. They were too intense to handle. Feeling that way taught me that I never want to be that vulnerable towards another human being and I still don't.<br />
Twice this year; I have been asked on two separate occasions if I would consider us being friends? I loved our friendship. You understood me better than anyone I had encountered in my life. I would have considered it if it was at your instigation and not hearsay. They do not know how dark the murky water that runs beneath our makeshift bridge is and that there's a lot more to it than the distance between us.<br />
<br />
Yours,<br />
In love and thoughts,<br />
Shanah Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-29774556781237389632018-07-14T05:50:00.000-07:002018-07-14T05:50:21.279-07:00Past Re-collections <br />
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh55L4WV8IzIqNT1SM1hVXDkFbpy1Zo3A7ypoVTRyvl3g2uksqolm3QZ-tpMRVsa24S05CU7DA3UGb-fFaZVLosLHhpx6oGzX8m9UDwOBw5yF-AILzf0BOU_F-qEnE2Y_doPHcGWtPT04E/s1600/IMG_7441.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh55L4WV8IzIqNT1SM1hVXDkFbpy1Zo3A7ypoVTRyvl3g2uksqolm3QZ-tpMRVsa24S05CU7DA3UGb-fFaZVLosLHhpx6oGzX8m9UDwOBw5yF-AILzf0BOU_F-qEnE2Y_doPHcGWtPT04E/s400/IMG_7441.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me checking out the statue of our former President Sir Milton Obote</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I chanced
upon a post from a twitter follower about her 2018 mid-year review. Her
post reminded me of my promise to keep a gratitude journal to help me focus on
the positive and dwell not on the lemons life handed me. I admit; I lost my way
after 2015 and it has been a lot of work trying to find myself again. I derived
a lot of pleasure in keeping a gratitude journal and sharing it in that I was
driven to leaf through my collections for 2017. I spent equal measures of 2017
terrified of death and worried over the state of my health. I lost 3 people
within my immediate family and a close friend to both of my best friends. Those
surprise deaths shook me to the core and exhibited the fragility of life. To
date; the possibility of death still lingers in my thoughts. </span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Why
not 2018, you ask?" 2018 is HARD at the moment. However; this is not a
dreary post so I shan't make it as one. These were some of my thoughts and bits
of gratitude for 2017.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">January</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alhamdulilah
for the opportunity to work and earn a living.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was
involved in a documentary talking about issues affecting Women with
Disabilities at national level.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When you get
the chance to be good and do good for someone don't let it spill out of your
hands.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Story of
You - Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">February</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I received
and signed the work contract </span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Girl -
Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Artistic
inspiration struck after 3 months. Alhamdulilah for my talent</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">March</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You Don't
Know Me Enough - Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Impressed
with my "Expression of Happiness."</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Inked my
"Expression of Happiness" and the details came to me slowly but
surely</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Write
- when the words are ready to be written and flow without effort."</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">April</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We Have No
Say Over - Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">May</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Online
interview</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even In Love
- Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank God
for good company and the ability to take oneself out</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My obsession
with Korean Dramas was resurrected with the discovery of kissasian.com</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Every
girl deserves a guy who tells her that her smile blinds his sight." I wish
we had met at a different time</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Surprise
birthday cake from the sister and brother-in-law</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Spent the
day in the company of a man. May it be a better year. Ameen</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">BIRTHDAY!
Alhamdulilah for another year</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">July</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I had the
most wonderful dream that gave me a little hope.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My <a href="http://shanahfied.blogspot.com/2017/07/disability-and-media.html" target="_blank">opinion</a>
made it to the news dailies.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">July never
fails to make me feel like the loneliest soul in the world </span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">August</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Work trip to
Apac and Lira where I met the most inspiring woman with a disability and paid a
trip to the home of Sir Milton Obote</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life may not
be as perfect as it should be but it is totally OK at the moment</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is a
shame that the people we care for never hold us in the same regard</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">September</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Vanity
is making feeble attempts at not looking too helpless and sick in front of your
lover." - Temptation</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had kind of hoped you would be my ocean</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I almost told you before it went awry</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I guess, I was wrong.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Busy week!
Busy Month!</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Goodbye
September. You were quite a hard month but I managed to muddle through it</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">October</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your Face On Mine - Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Its sad
having to watch everyone's ship arrive but your own. Even sadder is the fact
that it may never arrive.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm more
terrified of death as an adult than I ever was as a youth</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I miss the
innocence of youth</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">November</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have lost
so many people this year that I keep wondering who the next person to go might
be</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her Mother -
Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yoga fix got
my thighs looking smaller!</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy to
have more responsibility at work</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">December</span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Moments -
Poem</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Weddings
make me sad </span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11.5pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
innocence of youth is believing in your dreams with infinite faith that they
shall come to pass. Never knowing that life interrupts the best laid plans and
that nothing ever turns out the way we thought it would.</span></div>
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-6597777573424520212018-07-09T06:23:00.002-07:002018-07-16T05:51:34.130-07:00Walks Down Memory Lane<br />
<div style="border-width: 100%; direction: ltr;">
<div style="direction: ltr; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 0in; width: 6.109in;">
<div style="direction: ltr; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 0in; width: 6.109in;">
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4q7qB44miognFgOP3j8iadAd8owtltezCOeEqk0a-EjmeBZ1c5vTA2hULeoXANhApf6N5mpr1lc7Xv-YYVRwGjOcU6v4s9RKGNmEib1iielyVutlUHZ2wPMTS-g6dPRlbT8WVbkMrVRk/s1600/a85fc6e7b81048ed03a0603f1000b997--single-girl-quotes-single-girls.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4q7qB44miognFgOP3j8iadAd8owtltezCOeEqk0a-EjmeBZ1c5vTA2hULeoXANhApf6N5mpr1lc7Xv-YYVRwGjOcU6v4s9RKGNmEib1iielyVutlUHZ2wPMTS-g6dPRlbT8WVbkMrVRk/s200/a85fc6e7b81048ed03a0603f1000b997--single-girl-quotes-single-girls.jpeg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">In the
recuperation period of a recent
traumatic event I experienced, I find myself adding on a Facebook break because
of my need to detach. Not only am I dealing with the reparation of broken bones
but also the disappointment and sorrow that comes with matters of the heart.</span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ever
since 2015; which I diligently documented here when the feelings weren't so
raw, I consciously took a break from dating, liking and entertaining thoughts
of me on the arm of a significant other until I was both mentally and
emotionally strong. The road to single girl business hasn't been all that
smooth considering the fact that last year, many of society's voices were in my
ear over my lack of a significant other. It has never been easy being a girl
more so since our achievements are still measured by the yardstick of the
fruits of our womb if not the man by our side. I took all criticism and well
meaning "advice" in stride and much as it bogged me down and made me
question my noteworthy accomplishments, I shook it off in a matter of months
and continued with the derivative pleasure of single girl business until a
two-legged human that wears pants and shorts on a permanent basis decided to
interrupt.</span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Clearly;
there is no rest for the weary because in a perfect world, someone in my
current situation would be dealing with one problem, not two. Life is that
funny. After two years of single girl business, being alone but not lonely, I
promised myself to try but wasn't actively searching. No. I left all that to
God and any man or woman kind enough to hook me up with their friends albeit at
my inconvenience. </span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then
came the declaration I never expected to hear in my lifetime. I resolved to
give the declarer a chance because I thought he knew what he wanted (he sounded
it because I believed him for those two months) until I spotted emerging traits
of behaviour that precipitated my depression and led to my prior decision, the
decision to stay single until someone that cares enough for me and actually
means it comes along.</span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whichever
way I look at it; I do not think I am asking for too much from someone I choose
to love or vice-versa but it seems to be for the people I give chances to. I
have never relished the thought of being an after thought to someone I choose
to love and I do not expect them to treat me as such but alas, that is the way
they want the cookie to crumble and I refuse to settle. </span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was
having a repeat performance of 2015 whereby I watched this person be active on
social media without as much as "hello" to me in the morning or a
"how was your day in the evening", at least every other day because I
do not expect someone to be texting me on a daily basis. It hurt a lot back
then and it still hurts. That is the behaviour I have been putting up with for
close to a month and seeing it killed me every fuckin day. I spent a full
weekend in tears over the disappointment in myself and knew that if I do not
mitigate before I spiralled, I would lose myself along the way yet I had put a lot of work on my emotional and mental health to let myself drown into an
abyss once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This informed my
decision to deactivate my account, take time off to neutralize feelings, fully detach and leave him to concentrate on the people he cares for enough to mean it. <br />How am I supposed to heal broken bones with a broken spirit? I
need to look out for me since <span style="font-style: italic;">I am only good
enough for myself and no one else</span>. Until I come first for the person
that chooses to love me and actually shows; I am not settling, even if it means
becoming the spinster aunt I find myself resigned to.</span></div>
<div style="color: black; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope
to fruitfully use the time off Facebook and Twitter to build my spirit and
engage in activities I let slip like reading and writing. I missed this space
and the flow of words.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-89688339653419269432018-04-11T02:18:00.000-07:002018-07-14T01:18:40.265-07:00He Called Her At Midnight<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXLU2HREUa7CIA1yh4qaHzlytrCfBEFExm3E4Q2SuLm7HF1ma1OgvumpkTEPNdL1jgfJVQfs88j7Ai8qXuUX4TOeGrhDefizLQcnGnJv7UKAbU5d0hyTDP3nCqehaXWuzt4YT5BEI_o4M/s1600/story.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXLU2HREUa7CIA1yh4qaHzlytrCfBEFExm3E4Q2SuLm7HF1ma1OgvumpkTEPNdL1jgfJVQfs88j7Ai8qXuUX4TOeGrhDefizLQcnGnJv7UKAbU5d0hyTDP3nCqehaXWuzt4YT5BEI_o4M/s400/story.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There it
was. The invite. A chance to step into his world again. She had kept it at the
back of her mind that they would cross paths, but, never thought of the manner
in which it would happen. Not this way, anyway.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alexandra
took stock of her surroundings with a cursory glance at the design she was
currently working on. She had done good by herself. It had been hard, but, in
the five years of their separation; she had chased the career she'd desired and
went on to become the most sought after graphic design artists in New York.
Everything around her gave her a sense of pride and fulfilment she'd never
expected to have without him by her side. It meant that much more that she had
succeeded on her own.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Alexandra?"
are you still there?"</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Max's voice
brought her back from her little reverie. He needed an answer and she needed to
see him again, if only to see how he was holding up.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Yes. I
can come over, just not tonight. I'm under a tight deadline and I can't
interrupt the creative process at this moment. Can you give me two days from
now?", she asked?</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"It'd
mean a lot to me if you could make it tonight, please. Think about it."</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">With that
entreaty, Max hang up.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alexandra
listened to the incessant beep of the dial tone for awhile longer before she
finally took the phone from her ear and looked at it in disbelief. It was so
like Max to ask for something monumental and act like it wasn't a big deal. If
he could be so nonchalant about it, so could she.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After
hanging up, she made her way to the mantle holding all the accolades she had
received in the five years. Fine things. Appreciation for jobs well done and
trophies from the Women's entrepreneurial groups on which she was a Board
member. Encompassing all the trophies was the wall on which hang a few
pictorial prints of her work. She unerringly reached for the largest print on
the wall and took it back with her to the work table.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"<a href="http://shanahfied.blogspot.com/2015/09/beauty-in-ugly.html" target="_blank">Beautyin Ugly</a>". The one design that held more of a personal meaning to her than
the rest of her designs. Its title and frame held secrets only she was aware of
and never shared with anyone. Beauty in Ugly was a result of an onslaught of despondency
and despair, on a night she never thought she'd be able to get through without
him. The fateful day she broke up with Max, she had acted so cool and stoic in
his presence yet her heart was breaking into pieces. Her staidness only got her
far enough from his presence before the shattered pieces of her heart pricked
through the facade. </span></div>
<br />Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-83867727229978032372018-04-02T03:11:00.000-07:002018-04-02T03:14:11.981-07:00Love OR Life?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Ka424-9dcwQQiH-nwxzaNujsKc9MDJy5onDkILe-A2klt7qFTTJd5vkqEoceY8rleg0J9-fTckVu7cSFRNY1WrrXZUs2U8FTvnvnr_YF_uIxhxxOBhsNJGgcsppMRNO59HO_RxjnrYA/s1600/850E94DE-BBCC-4A68-8B91-88C957383925.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Ka424-9dcwQQiH-nwxzaNujsKc9MDJy5onDkILe-A2klt7qFTTJd5vkqEoceY8rleg0J9-fTckVu7cSFRNY1WrrXZUs2U8FTvnvnr_YF_uIxhxxOBhsNJGgcsppMRNO59HO_RxjnrYA/s400/850E94DE-BBCC-4A68-8B91-88C957383925.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No filter or filter?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Four months down the road; and I am just getting the opportunity to share with you my 'happy new year' design. although, it was completed in March.<br />
<br />
<b>March.</b> Quite the despondent month for me. A lingering feeling leftover from February. Between the end of February and beginning of March, I had the strongest urge to write, to the extent that I carried my journal wit me to work for a fortnight.<br />
Two weeks of just opening and leafing through the pages without an entry. Two weeks of going through past entries in search of inspiration. Two weeks of staring at the numbers: 2018, that I had written a few weeks into January, to mark the year and subsequent entries that would follow. Two weeks of nothingness but the numbers 2018... 2018... 2018...<br />
I, then stopped carrying my journal with me to work.<br />
<br />
<b>He Called Her At Midnight.</b> Earlier in the weeks of March, I went through the last entry to the short story I was trying my hand at... He Called Her At Midnight, to gather more ideas on where I should take the story. As the ideas emerged and were quickly noted, I felt the need to transfer the noted to he pages of my Journal because that was where the story originated from.<br />
<br />
<b>2018.</b> As I was going through my Journal, I hesitated on the page with 2018 on it. I looked at the dullness of the numbers and decided to give them a bit of shading for, I had left them as an outline at the beginning. In the process of shading; I mulled over my mental resolutions and wondered if any would come to pass.<br />
'Would this look pretty if I added an <i>I</i>? How about this<i> 2</i>? Does it look like an <i>L</i>? Do I want it to be <i>Love for Life</i> or <i>Love or Life</i>? Which one is better?<i> Life</i> or <i>Love</i> first? Should I add an <i>R </i>to the <i>0 </i>or make it <i>For</i>? It seems lengthy. Better an <i>R</i> at the end to make <i>or</i>.<br />
Something is missing. Can the word <i>happy</i> fit at the top of the page? How will I draw it in? Won't I spoil the design? Let me put it next to the <i>2</i> and make sure it forms the <i>H</i> without losing the number.'<br />
As questions plagued the mind; the fingers flew over the page, in an attempt to answer them while bringing the ideas to life.<br />
In that moment; my first design for 2018 was borne and the installment to my story quietly forgotten. I blue inked the additions before settling on color. Seeing that it was my first design of the year, I went on a coloring spree and don't regret the decision for it the color added a bit of cheer to it. So much so that it leaves a smile on my face whenever I look at it.<br />
<br />
It might be a little late to wish y'all a happy new year but it's not too late to ask God to make it better, if not the best, for all of you. :) I have shared the completed design with a few touch-ups for pomp. You can follow up on my creative work and process on Instagram at <a href="http://www.instagram.com/shanahoduty" target="_blank">ShanahOduty</a> and Facebook as <a href="http://www.facebook.com/shanahoffduty" target="_blank">ShanahOffDuty</a>.Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-80253971995290867422018-01-25T02:40:00.000-08:002018-01-25T02:40:35.812-08:00Media Relations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuDyJ3B-Vd8ummLu0j1TkaeSIFvOfeHLT6lVWkJpjxwj6jQLieGD76df7n9RjJEMtRAv3z2z45ala7xaXCyCVkMo0W7ihL1S6yzs-I-si6dri5VfsyGspdJYBJnLxy55FbzU0SrjFciMg/s1600/media.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="858" data-original-width="1163" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuDyJ3B-Vd8ummLu0j1TkaeSIFvOfeHLT6lVWkJpjxwj6jQLieGD76df7n9RjJEMtRAv3z2z45ala7xaXCyCVkMo0W7ihL1S6yzs-I-si6dri5VfsyGspdJYBJnLxy55FbzU0SrjFciMg/s320/media.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disabled People’s Organizations have held a series of
trainings in media relations for both Civil Society Organizations and
Journalists, to try and fill the chasm created by the Media in its inability to
air human interest disability related stories. If aired; these stories usually
come with victimization and helplessness overtones which are rarely the case
for most Persons with Disabilities.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Civil society organizations should take interest and build
lasting relationships with both media houses and journalists. This should come
through various interactions both professionally and outside of work as they
get to acquaint themselves with each other and their work. The comfortable and
easy relationship will make it possible to give disability related stories coverage
based on facts and experience instead of assumptions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Provision of information prior to the event is very
important for maximum coverage and it can be done through a press release.
Although some may argue that a press release is devoid of flesh for a news
story, others say it acts as a cause for investigation leading to a newsworthy
story. The issuance of a press-release covers the therefore to
misrepresentation Civil Societies and Persons with Disabilities face when it
comes to print media.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Niche journalists well versed on disability and the language
will go a long way in the coverage of disability related stories. Civil
Societies working with Persons with Disabilities need to look out for editors
and journalists who are knowledgeable on disability and build their capacities
further, and involve them at disability related events so they can be the
agents of change in the media for Persons with Disabilities. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to interviews; Civil Society Organizations
need to be as open as possible with journalists albeit within limits. Giving
the journalist a lot of room for questions and conversation invariably leads to
misquotation in the media yet it was information provided by the interviewee.
Civil Society Organizations and Persons with Disabilities should try not to
deviate from the topic in an attempt to be as informative as possible during
interviews at events for better coverage and representation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Journalists believe that the real stories worthy of front
page coverage are the ones coming from the grass-roots, in the districts of
operation for Disabled People’s Organizations. They therefore wish to be
requested for coverage during field work activities so they can get firsthand
information and experience on the work done by Disabled People’s Organizations
and Persons with Disabilities towards the improvement of their livelihoods.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Use of alternative media to put across issues of Persons
with Disabilities should not be ignored. Social media has become such a
powerful tool in communication that journalists are looking to it now as a news
source. The use of social media gives the user full control over the content
and tone they wish to use when delivering stories pertaining to Disability and
Persons with Disabilities.</div>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-82293585896363818872017-12-01T10:19:00.001-08:002017-12-11T23:08:10.366-08:00MomentsThere are moments when he looks at her,<br />
Seeking the love that shone brilliantly with each gaze.<br />
Searching for the little smile that crossed her lips with each interaction between them.<br />
Aching for the acts of affection that were given so lavishly but went unappreciated.<br />
<br />
There are moments when he looks at her,<br />
With bated breath and a frightfully hopeful gaze.<br />
Looking for the love that he thought was infinitely his,<br />
From eyes clouded by his disappointments,<br />
And a heart forever broken by them.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0_Vx5XjOH6Wwq7BA9amQId8lLexF_ryBJ64Er0o37YBPJjWGb4iMrog5bFNbFKVL_4RQ6M2hVvsKjYuFwOFIFDQJ6ihKxNdsj45sioJfF7GAVw3ydw7FzekTYe8NHrFNMp8EDMxLvI-0/s1600/Heartsinsert-350x250.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0_Vx5XjOH6Wwq7BA9amQId8lLexF_ryBJ64Er0o37YBPJjWGb4iMrog5bFNbFKVL_4RQ6M2hVvsKjYuFwOFIFDQJ6ihKxNdsj45sioJfF7GAVw3ydw7FzekTYe8NHrFNMp8EDMxLvI-0/s640/Heartsinsert-350x250.jpeg" /> </a> </div>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2462704662934580731.post-31781172350991142362017-11-21T12:12:00.001-08:002017-11-21T12:12:55.561-08:00Her Mother<p>Her Mother.<br>
Her strength,<br>
Her courage,</p>
<p>The adoration she basks in with each success,<br>
The source of pride in her uncompromising values,<br>
The beacon of hope in an uncertain future,<br>
The unwavering faith behind her pursuit of happiness,<br>
The will behind her indomitable persona,</p>
<p>Her courage,<br>
Her strength,<br>
Her Mother.</p>
Simply Shanahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10415685110004969645noreply@blogger.com0