The past week has been one of the most trying weeks on my journey to financial independence. It almost brought to mind my first month of gainful employment. Everything was such a challenge back then and I never thought I would get through if not for my brother.
It was nothing short of impossible to get through. There were days when I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to cry -for a good hour then I would suck it up and get ready after the alarm went off. Go to the one place where I literally have no friends and work with someone bent on making me throw in the towel.
I have hit a couple of rock bottoms but my worst yet is not giving a crap as to who sees me cry: when and where. Yes, tears would just flow at any moment without warning. I haven't been this unhappy in one entire week. What made it hurt the most is the lack of physical and emotional support. I could have used lots of shoulders to cry on and several emotional hugs. But, what I really need is an anchor. My brother used to be it and since he is gone, I have no one. I have to get used to the idea of being my own super woman . Much as I needed a physical shoulder to cry on ; the virtual ones were more than enough. I appreciate each and everyone of my friends for listening to me. It is so uncanny how most of them shared the thought: I have toned down my personality and lost my touch. I am as vocal as they come and to stand what I am going through without so much as a hiccup is not me. Well, I am trying to reign in the temper and tongue that gets the best of me sometimes. You know it's been a pretty bad week when you get involved in a little accident to top it off. Thankfully; my third leg didn't break and all I got was a busted lip and a few sore spots. Everything is so up in the air. My mood, the work issues I am trying to deal with in my own time and my good humor. I have had little to smile about the entire week and it shows. How can I have a perpetual smile on my face when deep down my heart is not happy? Even the romance novels that used to help me deal in moments like these don't seem to cut it.