He Called Her At Midnight

There it was. The invite. A chance to step into his world again. She had kept it at the back of her mind that they would cross paths, but, never thought of the manner in which it would happen. Not this way, anyway.

Alexandra took stock of her surroundings with a cursory glance at the design she was currently working on. She had done good by herself. It had been hard, but, in the five years of their separation; she had chased the career she'd desired and went on to become the most sought after graphic design artists in New York. Everything around her gave her a sense of pride and fulfilment she'd never expected to have without him by her side. It meant that much more that she had succeeded on her own.

"Alexandra?" are you still there?"

Max's voice brought her back from her little reverie. He needed an answer and she needed to see him again, if only to see how he was holding up.

"Yes. I can come over, just not tonight. I'm under a tight deadline and I can't interrupt the creative process at this moment. Can you give me two days from now?", she asked?

"It'd mean a lot to me if you could make it tonight, please. Think about it."

With that entreaty, Max hang up.

Alexandra listened to the incessant beep of the dial tone for awhile longer before she finally took the phone from her ear and looked at it in disbelief. It was so like Max to ask for something monumental and act like it wasn't a big deal. If he could be so nonchalant about it, so could she.

After hanging up, she made her way to the mantle holding all the accolades she had received in the five years. Fine things. Appreciation for jobs well done and trophies from the Women's entrepreneurial groups on which she was a Board member. Encompassing all the trophies was the wall on which hang a few pictorial prints of her work. She unerringly reached for the largest print on the wall and took it back with her to the work table.

"Beautyin Ugly". The one design that held more of a personal meaning to her than the rest of her designs. Its title and frame held secrets only she was aware of and never shared with anyone. Beauty in Ugly was a result of an onslaught of despondency and despair, on a night she never thought she'd be able to get through without him. The fateful day she broke up with Max, she had acted so cool and stoic in his presence yet her heart was breaking into pieces. Her staidness only got her far enough from his presence before the shattered pieces of her heart pricked through the facade.

He Called Her At Midnight

"Alexandra. I hope I didn't wake you", he said.
"No. I am up finalizing a design."
She heard him draw a deep albeit shaky breath. Like he was mentally bracing himself for what he was about to say. Hearing him do so put her on edge. The call itself had thrown her mind and emotions off kilter. To hear him do so before revealing his reasons for the late night phone call didn't bode well.
"Max... What's wrong?"
"Alexandra... She... I need you..."
Max was never a stutterer. If anything; he was the one person you could rest assured would find the right words, no matter the situation. His incoherent reply meant the situation was a lot worse than she could imagine.
"What is it?", she asked. "Tell it to me at once because you're scaring me."
With that; her thoughts raced over every possible situation that could get him to act this way. Try as she may; she couldn't find a plausible reason that would explain his current behavior. She was about to prod him for an explanation when his hushed words cut off her thoughts.
"Tessa died." He whispered over the phone. "She must have slipped out of the apartment while I was in the shower."
His change in tone denoted the gravity of the situation. A situation, it seemed, he couldn't bring himself to accept. Every word out of him came in slow, shaky tones that brooked no interruption.
Tears rushed to her eyes as she tried to stifle a sob while listening to the gory details. Marc- his next door neighbour, had found the little dog whimpering and covered in blood on the way back from his late night jog. He'd immediately scooped it up and rushed to Max's apartment after recognising her spotted tail.
Alexandra could only imagine what this loss would do to him. Tessa was his world. The last tangible link to a past he refused to let go of. The one thing he swore was the only good thing out of it. Knowing how much Tessa meant to him made her glad for the fact that they were able to share her last moments together - in the safe haven of his arms where she had known so much love and comfort.

Stuck In A Bottomless Pit 2.0

I forgot to mention that when you are filled with sorrow and your heart aches from it all; it doesn’t mean you have to look and sound it. No. Much as I feel sad, I can’t get myself to sound and look it because I am neither looking for pity nor sympathy. I don’t want to be that friend or person you know who always complains and whines about their life and puts a damper on your mood just by being in his/her presence. I hate people like that and I definitely don’t want to be one. We all know when you feel like crap, you put on your favorite outfit and a smile to show the world you have it together.
God probably is aware of my mood funk because I got two unexpected visits from some of my favorite men. My uncle the Attorney at law and brother on the same day. My uncle is a barrel of laughs! Whenever we’re in each others’ presence, we always laugh our heads off like a bunch of hyenas. He regales me with all his court cases and the people who seek his help. He managed to take my thoughts off of everything the time he was around.
I somewhat told my brother about my mood when he came around. So depressed to the point of uninstalling Whatsapp and deleting my twitter! He surprised me when he asked why I took my mood out on innocent Whatsapp and the twitter followers. What was I to say to that? All I know is I’ll probably return to both at the beginning of next year, if God wills. Spending those few hours with my brother lightened my mood. However stingy I were with the details pertaining my feeling of sorrow, It was nice to know he would listen without offering solutions and whatnot. At the end of it all; that is what really matters. That is what someone needs, the willingness to listen and understand not just to offer an opinion or solution otherwise known as Empathic Listening.
Of course there are times when my mood lightens but the heart ache doesn’t go away. It is like a dark cloud hanging around. For now, wallowing is a little overdue and I am gonna indulge in it until it goes away. There is too much to cry about and every thought brings tears to my eyes. Until this stops, when the thoughts stop inducing tears, then I shall be done with it.

Stuck In A Bottomless Pit!

I’ve been irritable since December knocked and I don’t know how to deal. I hate my mood- my heart aches from the sorrow, injustice and impotence of it all. Some times, I wish I wasn’t the person I am; a weakling and a burden. On top of it all I HATE knowing how I am really not the Mistress of my own ship! They say, ‘Life is what you make it.’ Well, that crap is for the birds! Half the time I wish to be by myself until my mood lifts which is quite impossible at the moment. I’m surrounded by people who NEVER understand the need  to be alone, the need for personal space and the need for solitude.
I hate feeling like this. Depression seeps the life out of me and it makes putting on a happy face for others an ordeal. How do you interact, chat and laugh with people when deep down, your soul is sad?
What’s worse is most of the people who actually get me are not within my reach at the moment. One is in Beijing, the other away at University. Talking to someone face to face is a whole lot better than texting or emailing. Emails and texts never capture feelings and expressions. Truth? I want to weep on someone’s shoulder and get it out of my system. I wish my gurl wasn’t in school.
Before all this, I thought twitter was just for celebrity rants but after having a few of them in the past couple of days myself, I stand corrected. In this vein, I have decided to delete my personal twitter account and uninstalled my whatsapp until further notice. I can’t keep on ranting like a senseless girl. As for Facebook, short of deleting my account since I have to maintain a facebook page, logging out of it on my blackberry will do the trick (I hope).
I do hope my mood lifts and everything is right as rain otherwise it would be a hell of a way to end the year.