Walks Down Memory Lane

In the recuperation period  of a recent traumatic event I experienced, I find myself adding on a Facebook break because of my need to detach. Not only am I dealing with the reparation of broken bones but also the disappointment and sorrow that comes with matters of the heart.

Ever since 2015; which I diligently documented here when the feelings weren't so raw, I consciously took a break from dating, liking and entertaining thoughts of me on the arm of a significant other until I was both mentally and emotionally strong. The road to single girl business hasn't been all that smooth considering the fact that last year, many of society's voices were in my ear over my lack of a significant other. It has never been easy being a girl more so since our achievements are still measured by the yardstick of the fruits of our womb if not the man by our side. I took all criticism and well meaning "advice" in stride and much as it bogged me down and made me question my noteworthy accomplishments, I shook it off in a matter of months and continued with the derivative pleasure of single girl business until a two-legged human that wears pants and shorts on a permanent basis decided to interrupt.

Clearly; there is no rest for the weary because in a perfect world, someone in my current situation would be dealing with one problem, not two. Life is that funny. After two years of single girl business, being alone but not lonely, I promised myself to try but wasn't actively searching. No. I left all that to God and any man or woman kind enough to hook me up with their friends albeit at my inconvenience.

Then came the declaration I never expected to hear in my lifetime. I resolved to give the declarer a chance because I thought he knew what he wanted (he sounded it because I believed him for those two months) until I spotted emerging traits of behaviour that precipitated my depression and led to my prior decision, the decision to stay single until someone that cares enough for me and actually means it comes along.

Whichever way I look at it; I do not think I am asking for too much from someone I choose to love or vice-versa but it seems to be for the people I give chances to. I have never relished the thought of being an after thought to someone I choose to love and I do not expect them to treat me as such but alas, that is the way they want the cookie to crumble and I refuse to settle.

I was having a repeat performance of 2015 whereby I watched this person be active on social media without as much as "hello" to me in the morning or a "how was your day in the evening", at least every other day because I do not expect someone to be texting me on a daily basis. It hurt a lot back then and it still hurts. That is the behaviour I have been putting up with for close to a month and seeing it killed me every fuckin day. I spent a full weekend in tears over the disappointment in myself and knew that if I do not mitigate before I spiralled, I would lose myself along the way yet I had put a lot of work on my emotional and mental health to let myself drown into an abyss once again.  This informed my decision to deactivate my account, take time off to neutralize feelings, fully detach and leave him to concentrate on the people he cares for enough to mean it.
How am I supposed to heal broken bones with a broken spirit? I need to look out for me since I am only good enough for myself and no one else. Until I come first for the person that chooses to love me and actually shows; I am not settling, even if it means becoming the spinster aunt I find myself resigned to.

I hope to fruitfully use the time off Facebook and Twitter to build my spirit and engage in activities I let slip like reading and writing. I missed this space and the flow of words.

Sixth Anniversary

It is six years since I developed Simply Shanah. In a generation and era where everything is about commercialization and making a profit, the reasons as to why I created this space continue to hold water and are unlikely to change.
When I started Simply Shanah; I had no illusions of grandeur whatsoever of ever making a living off of it.If anything, I was after the space - somewhere I can write and let go of the myriad of thoughts that bog me down, not because writing is my passion but more of therapy to me. And as such, never was perturbed over it’s dismal performance. The knowledge that readers find it relatable now, and think me good enough to turn it into a money-making entity are all unexpected feathers in my cap.
People write for all sorts of reasons most of which is passion for the majority. All of them will say it is hard, more so for those seeking to earn a living from it. Blogging is just as hard if not harder. Setting up a blog with the intent to earn off of it soon as it is up and running is an endeavor doomed to fail. It’s success relies solely on nurturing and time  which are infinite factors.
What our generation has failed to understand is; success takes time and nurturing. In the blogsphere: you need to have good content, time to build up a readership or following and also social media reach. All of which do not happen in a day let alone months. And for those seeking to earn from it; they need to put something down twice or thrice a week to maintain their reach which makes the output of good content and spread extra hard because tastes and opinions differ when it comes to topical issues.
I always encourage friends of mine who are better writers than I, to go into blogging just to nurture and grow their writing skills while at the same time build an audience because they go hand-in-hand. You need to have a solid audience before you can seek to earn from blogging for it is this audience that will pay to read your material and recommend to friends thus spreading your readership. When that happens; your writing skills would have vastly improved. It is the same piece of advice I am extending to all budding bloggers and writers along with; write because you need to and not have to.

Facebook Memories

Facebook memories.

Ghosts from the past that return to haunt you when you least expect it.

When the little notification pings, I brace myself in anticipation of what  might be in store. Good or bad? Morose or gay? What the post might turn out to be never matters much as long as it is not a rant!

There is nothing more cringeworthy than a rant on social media! The sole bane to the gaiety of Facebook memories.

With the daily ping of reminders, the promise I made  myself two years ago; never to rant on social media more so on Facebook lurks. I did so much of it on Twitter that ultimately, I had to delete the account and start afresh. 

However, the year of being a good girl on Twitter never portended well for Facebook.

A time or two; my inner devil has come out to play with little to no provocation. This is what I get for not being able to write as frequently as I did the years before last.

Being whoever you wish to be on social media notwithstanding, I know this is not the person I wish nor desire to be. Hence my decision to get rid of all the people that bring out this side of me.

I no longer desire to see people who bring it out on my timeline. Not anymore. Seeing them in the groups I belong to is emough. Everyone needs a respite from the bullshit at the end of the day.

As dire as the picture I am painting of these little memories may seem, there have been good ones albeit not so many. They have been enough to smile about and chuckle over. Going through the comments rears the friends lost along the way and ones gained. An honest depiction of life, cause we lose and gain some with little regret.
I had banked on Facebook memories to remind me of the good that happened last year. At this point in time; I am inclined to believe they do not exist. Which, if you look at it, may not be a bad thing for we all have that one year or two we wish to forget! 2015 was that year for me.

Smart Phone Addiction

We received new interns at my work place and being with them could not be any more disheartening.
One of my many Supervisors once said I had two strikes against me: being a girl and a three legged hussy. I shall not lie and say I grasped what he meant then, no. But I do see it now courtesy of the interns. The only difference between them and I is: I have two strikes against me while in my opinion they have three – they are girls, with disabilities and without ambition.
There is nothing as saddening as seeing educated girls with disabilities be without ambition. It is awful to witness. First of all; being a girl trying to navigate a prejudiced male dominated workforce is hard, twice as hard for a girls with disabilities and next to impossible for one lacking ambition. Instead of being alert and on the look out for opportunities this internship period could bring them, they would rather spend their every minute on the phone!
Smart phone addiction is the bane of unemployment especially for a girl. She cannot shift attention from those 140 characters, interesting WhatsApp conversations and gossip long enough to complete a task within an hour. If at all it is longer, she has to have breaks to scroll through her news feed, timeline or go like a picture on Instagram.
This marks the divide between them and I, because within two months of my voluntary work, there were talks of making me a staff member which finally happened in May. And it is official now for I got my letter of appointment last week. Would I have made staff if I kept to my Smartphone while supposedly working?
Our generation was dragged and pushed through school by parents. We all had the ‘my parents are making me go to school’ reason as to why we were in school accompanied by these dourest of facial expressions. Now, there is no such talk unless one is the child of the richest man in Uganda for them to use the ‘my parents are forcing me to work’ rejoinder. In their case, they have an inheritance to fall back on once the parents depart this life and do not see the need to work.
Regardless of the situation and inheritance. Every educated girl with or without disabilities should have an ambition and purpose beyond her Smartphone. Have a code of ethics, limit the time spent on the phone and engage with those around you. God did not make the sun shine out of these phones so do not act like it does.

PhotoCredits: Google