I’ve been irritable since December knocked and I don’t know how to deal. I hate my mood- my heart aches from the sorrow, injustice and impotence of it all. Some times, I wish I wasn’t the person I am; a weakling and a burden. On top of it all I HATE knowing how I am really not the Mistress of my own ship! They say, ‘Life is what you make it.’ Well, that crap is for the birds! Half the time I wish to be by myself until my mood lifts which is quite impossible at the moment. I’m surrounded by people who NEVER understand the need to be alone, the need for personal space and the need for solitude.
I hate feeling like this. Depression seeps the life out of me and it makes putting on a happy face for others an ordeal. How do you interact, chat and laugh with people when deep down, your soul is sad?
What’s worse is most of the people who actually get me are not within my reach at the moment. One is in Beijing, the other away at University. Talking to someone face to face is a whole lot better than texting or emailing. Emails and texts never capture feelings and expressions. Truth? I want to weep on someone’s shoulder and get it out of my system. I wish my gurl wasn’t in school.
Before all this, I thought twitter was just for celebrity rants but after having a few of them in the past couple of days myself, I stand corrected. In this vein, I have decided to delete my personal twitter account and uninstalled my whatsapp until further notice. I can’t keep on ranting like a senseless girl. As for Facebook, short of deleting my account since I have to maintain a facebook page, logging out of it on my blackberry will do the trick (I hope).
I do hope my mood lifts and everything is right as rain otherwise it would be a hell of a way to end the year.