“You have to be ready to be by yourself and like being by yourself.”~ Susan Sarandon
On one of my off days; I caught the ad for a forthcoming session of Oprah's Master Class with Susan Sarandon. In the ad, Susan Sarandon said the aforementioned words and they resonated with me. I am the girl who is used to keeping her own company and being by herself that it has become second nature to me. I don’t see anything wrong but my family and workmates seem to take issue with it.
My work mates think me quiet and reserved – traits I would like to agree with but I know a few people who would refute that with a lot of conviction. On several occasions, both my mother and brother have felt soundly ignored while in my presence. My mother recently claimed that I am so used to keeping my own company that even when she is around I act like she isn't. So, she has resorted to seeking me out and asking me to keep her company whenever she is around. Her reason; I spend a lot of time being on my own.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ~ Mark Twain
There was a time when this wasn't so. A time when I absolutely could not handle being by myself. I would ask my closest cousins and friends to come spend weekends with me. To my way of thinking, their presence would make for shorter weekends and then I’d go back to the school routine. I hated weekends where I’d have to be alone, they used to make me fall into an abyss of loneliness and I found them so stifling.
Looking back on those days, my feelings and attitude makes me acknowledge how much I have changed. I used to be terrified by the thought of being alone, without company and also keeping house by myself but not anymore. Now, I am no longer that person who needs the company of others to define herself. More than ever I find myself accommodating the friends who invite themselves over to my home. This is how it is now, someone just tells me, ‘I’ll come see you’, and I am OK with it. Turning up or not is their choice.
At this point in time, I am proud of being comfortable in keeping my own company and be neither terrified nor depressed. The fact that I much prefer it to being somewhere I am not interested in surprises me. However infrequent it might be, I am more appreciative of the time I spend in the company of my choice for it is time well spent. I think moments of solitude are truly the most defining moments of our lives. It’s in them when we realize what is truly important and also come into the people we are and sometimes want to become.
