A Year Older.

I turned a year older on the 22nd of May. Am I a little wiser? Smarter? Not in the least but a whole lot better emotionally and mentally.

Getting older last year was such a source of turmoil that to look back on it and not feel a pinch of the emotions it wrought is a blessing in itself.

I've never been filled with so much despair and impotence over my lot in life nor have I ever failed at everything I attempted to do more than I did last year.

The year itself was a full study in patience that when it came down to the crunch; there was nothing to do except bend. To the will of God and life itself. I discovered that a person can only try so much without losing themselves in the process. So I caved. I accepted the situations as they arose and left the rest to God. 

The funny thing about life is that turning points happen when you're in a different frame of mind. By then; I was firmly into acceptance of the way things were that when the turning point came; I didn't know whether to laugh or just crumble into a little heap and weep. 

I did neither of those nor did I express any form of excitement. I guess I was still caught up in disbelief that by the time it wore off and contract signed (this year), the little window of excitement had become shut. 

After 9 months of failed attempts, I became gainfully employed. Inasmuch as it was a hard year, the ending was absolutely perfect. It made me realize how nice it is to end a year with a promise. A little bit of hope to hold on and look forward to in the future. 

Alhamdulilah to another year. For the gift of life and chance to do better and be better. All I ask for this year is patience - with myself mostly.

Aside from that; my life, right now, may not be as perfect as people think it should be but it's enough.

Birthday Month!

Another year older. Alhamdulilah. I have the propensity to get afflicted with poor health right around birthday week. Could it be out of fear of getting old? I do not know.
I am usually excited when May rolls around but this time round I have been lackluster for lack of a better word. Not as excited, not as energized and most of all fatigued which I guess were symptoms to pending poor health.
AS the years go by; they leave us with something new. And this is no different. The last year was my most definitive year. Everything came together and dreams I had long forgot to dream finally came true. I learnt so much in the previous year than I probably will in another life but then again life in itself is a learning experience.
I once told my brother that my entire life is a study on patience and it couldn’t be an truer. Everything I want out of life happens through patience. Patience with myself, the people I am surrounded by and life. There is no better teacher on patience than God.
We all have that mental picture on how our lives should be wherein we are not willing to adapt ourselves to reality. Oftentimes, the picture in our minds never comes to pass because of our failure to change mindsets. I have learned that for one to have the life they picture themselves in, they have to be willing to change. Try to fit that mental image to reality and it will get you where you want to be.
That little thing called family/sibling loyalty no longer exists in this millennial generation of ours. Nope. Today’s siblings are as divided as the breasts they suckled on. This took hold after I watched the six season of Beverly Hills Housewives. Throughout the season, Kyle was trying to mend fences with Kim and her efforts went by unappreciated. It taught me that however much you may want to improve some relationships, it is better to leave things as they are.
What the heck am I sipping on to be in the reflective doldrums? Is this what it feels like to get old? Sitting on your porch with a cup of tea and looking back on your life like an old biddy in her senior years? If this is what I have to look forward to then I want none of it.
However, it is good to reflect on your life each passing year. Note your key achievements and the lessons that came with it. If you are a planner, go ahead. Plan. Although I would not encourage you putting much stock in the plans. Life never goes according to plan. It is full of sharp corners to cut across and intricate hairpins no one ever sees coming. Let everything happen as is or was meant to then you won’t be disappointed.
Happy birthday to me and all the May Babies that share this month with me. !!!!!!! :)


 Photo Credits: google