Fare Thee Well 2012.

What to say about 2012?! Gosh! First and foremost, if you made it through the so called apocalypse as purported by the Mayans, KUDOS!! I don’t understand why there was a brouhaha over it for people who are clearly NOT Mayans! The Holy books tell us that no one knows the day death will come to them so…
2012 is coming to an end! Another year going by. It’s amusing how years out of school rush at the speed of lightening unlike when were in school, those certainly passed at a snail's pace!

What can I say about this year? I learned that more than anything else; I need to become financially independent! I became a true victim of the recession and it isn’t funny. I honestly need to do something about this. Working for ones parents is NOT the business. Whilst they are reaping the rewards of free labor you are held ten steps backwards.
How can I forget how I was relieved of some of my most priced possessions this year? To date, I curse the person that robbed me. Call it sentimentality or being attached but some things have memories they bring when you hold, look or wear them. Whenever I remember what I lost, I get sad then start sending up a succession of curses to the person.
A couple of situations this year re-enforced my decision to cease and desist from chatting and all Instant Message platforms – Whatsapp, Yahoo Messenger, and Google Talk. My decision to go further and uninstall all the apps from my phone was wise as I look back on it. For some reason people who should know me better fall into the habit of misunderstanding where I am coming from when it comes to them. It’s really not nice when people seek your opinion then later act like you offended them whether intentionally or unintentionally. People actually forget that trust is like a mirror; once it is shattered, however much you fix it, you can still see through the cracks. I’ve learned to hold myself and my opinions back when it comes to certain people.
Ever realized how some of your friends know the a,b c’s of your life when you know crumbs about theirs? Is it not weird? This year made me so much aware of it that it couldn’t be ignored. Well, Imma be like that too with the stingy ones. It’s useless to share so much with someone when they only share crumbs with you.
My bff from childhood gave birth to a little baby boy whom I adore so much. He is such a darling. Seeing her with her baby makes me want to have one, a little girl to be his girlfriend when he is all grown. I guess soon, I shall be approaching all my potential baby daddies so we can get down to business! I have all the probable potentials earmarked plus baby names. The cut off point for the future baby daddies is them fathering more than one kid whilst still on my list! More than one kid gets them crossed off! A potential baby daddy who can’t keep it in his pants is a NO! NO!
This year has been a struggle both financially and emotionally. Despite all that, my friends, family and everyone I know remain constant treasures. I love each and everyone of you so much. Seen or unseen y’all are EVERYTHING!

Fare thee well 2012, Hello…2013

The Winds Of Change.

What would you expect to hear when you are in a funk of a mood? Certainly not the possibility of a pending relocation!
When this piece of news came to my attention, my heart plummeted to the floor! I was so floored and disconcerted by it that I hardly knew what to say! I actually sat down and took a hard look at all that is familiar as I wondered about the unknown.
I pride myself on a lot of things and one of them is being able to go with the flow but dang! This is something I never anticipated until my gainful employment – of course, which is yet to happen. From a business perspective, it is a sound idea but I can’t say the same from a personal one. I think it is going to suck major balls when my current office relocates!
The comfort of the familiar is oh so sweet and I don’t want to let go of it. The friends I’ve made, people I have come to know and well the camaraderie which takes ages to develop. I’m the type of person who takes long to make friends and with that in mind, being uprooted is not looking so hot from where I’m standing.
I’d like to say this is a good opportunity as far as my mood is concerned but I wouldn’t bet on it. Part of me wants to remain in the safety bubble so much so that I told my mum I wanted to stay where we were while the other part is trying to get used to the idea of change however tentative it might be at the moment.

Stuck In A Bottomless Pit 2.0

I forgot to mention that when you are filled with sorrow and your heart aches from it all; it doesn’t mean you have to look and sound it. No. Much as I feel sad, I can’t get myself to sound and look it because I am neither looking for pity nor sympathy. I don’t want to be that friend or person you know who always complains and whines about their life and puts a damper on your mood just by being in his/her presence. I hate people like that and I definitely don’t want to be one. We all know when you feel like crap, you put on your favorite outfit and a smile to show the world you have it together.
God probably is aware of my mood funk because I got two unexpected visits from some of my favorite men. My uncle the Attorney at law and brother on the same day. My uncle is a barrel of laughs! Whenever we’re in each others’ presence, we always laugh our heads off like a bunch of hyenas. He regales me with all his court cases and the people who seek his help. He managed to take my thoughts off of everything the time he was around.
I somewhat told my brother about my mood when he came around. So depressed to the point of uninstalling Whatsapp and deleting my twitter! He surprised me when he asked why I took my mood out on innocent Whatsapp and the twitter followers. What was I to say to that? All I know is I’ll probably return to both at the beginning of next year, if God wills. Spending those few hours with my brother lightened my mood. However stingy I were with the details pertaining my feeling of sorrow, It was nice to know he would listen without offering solutions and whatnot. At the end of it all; that is what really matters. That is what someone needs, the willingness to listen and understand not just to offer an opinion or solution otherwise known as Empathic Listening.
Of course there are times when my mood lightens but the heart ache doesn’t go away. It is like a dark cloud hanging around. For now, wallowing is a little overdue and I am gonna indulge in it until it goes away. There is too much to cry about and every thought brings tears to my eyes. Until this stops, when the thoughts stop inducing tears, then I shall be done with it.

Stuck In A Bottomless Pit!

I’ve been irritable since December knocked and I don’t know how to deal. I hate my mood- my heart aches from the sorrow, injustice and impotence of it all. Some times, I wish I wasn’t the person I am; a weakling and a burden. On top of it all I HATE knowing how I am really not the Mistress of my own ship! They say, ‘Life is what you make it.’ Well, that crap is for the birds! Half the time I wish to be by myself until my mood lifts which is quite impossible at the moment. I’m surrounded by people who NEVER understand the need  to be alone, the need for personal space and the need for solitude.
I hate feeling like this. Depression seeps the life out of me and it makes putting on a happy face for others an ordeal. How do you interact, chat and laugh with people when deep down, your soul is sad?
What’s worse is most of the people who actually get me are not within my reach at the moment. One is in Beijing, the other away at University. Talking to someone face to face is a whole lot better than texting or emailing. Emails and texts never capture feelings and expressions. Truth? I want to weep on someone’s shoulder and get it out of my system. I wish my gurl wasn’t in school.
Before all this, I thought twitter was just for celebrity rants but after having a few of them in the past couple of days myself, I stand corrected. In this vein, I have decided to delete my personal twitter account and uninstalled my whatsapp until further notice. I can’t keep on ranting like a senseless girl. As for Facebook, short of deleting my account since I have to maintain a facebook page, logging out of it on my blackberry will do the trick (I hope).
I do hope my mood lifts and everything is right as rain otherwise it would be a hell of a way to end the year.

What Resolutions?!

How unbelievable is it that we’re almost coming to the end of 2012? The year has certainly rushed by so fast I can’t help but wonder where the fire it is trying to catch is at!
When you realize the year is coming to an end, it is inevitable not to think of the resolutions (or not) you made at the beginning. Whether you’ve managed to go through with them or did something that was unexpectedly better? Personally; I don’t remember making any resolutions both unconscious and consciously. In fact nothing comes to mind as I think of the year’s end. I should probably write some down the coming year and hold a review at the end, God willing.
Talking about resolutions and what not reminds me so much of One Tree Hill. I was a fan until the writers lost the plot and messed up the show- Lucas married Peyton, Lucas left etc…and eventually it all went downhill. I remember how Lucas and his bff Hayley used to write down their resolutions (separately) then hid them at the same time behind a loose brick on the wall. At the year’s end, they’d of course go to the loose brick, get out their lists and check off what they accomplished. With the exception of hiding your list behind a loose brick on the wall, don’t you think this is a good idea?
Speaking of ideas. I was browsing through someone’s tumblr and came across a good one to help you take note of the good things that happened or happen during the course of the year. It says, ‘start 2013 off with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen. On new years eve, empty it and see what awesome stuff happened that year.’
I don’t know about you but for me; when a lot of crap happens during a particular year, I tend to focus on the crap and forget about the good. Doing the jar thing will at least help focus on the good and make you be more appreciative.
So… Do you think you’ve accomplished at least half of what you resolved to at the beginning of 2012 or not?