Social Butterfly

One of the things I neither expected nor anticipated this year was having a semi-active social life. Alas! I came out of hibernation and went with it.

Besides my work and art, it is the unexpected aspect that has brought me immense pleasure for it gave me the opportunity to meet a few good men. 

Over the weekend, I spent a few hours in the company of a man of a certain age. The kind that have the indefinable 'je ne sais quoi' about them but really it has to do with experience and how well they wear it. 

As I watched and listened to him talk; I kept thinking how we (girls) have the tendency to dwell and wallow in heartache and pain over past deeds, misdeeds and deeds undone that we invariably bolt doors- close ourselves off from socializing with good guys who come along during the healing period yet it shouldn't be so. We refuse to give these opportunities time and a chance out of self protection forgetting that the people we are suffering or suffered for never stopped practicing 'plate theory' and exploring all their options in our honor before and after the stopover in their lives.

Instead of bolting the door shut over Dick who was so full of himself he could self combust, keep it a jar at least to Harry, John or Jim who might come along and help you get over Dick.

Take the necessary time you need to heal but do not close the door entirely especially on someone you happen to make a connection with because at the end of the day, the decision to take a chance or not is yours - depending on how serious the other person is.

I think this is the reason as to why I have been on the receiving end of so many 'you have changed' remarks. It was inexplicable at the start but I'm beginning to get it. I'm glad something good came out of being a social butterfly because it took a lot of effort on my part. The best part of it all is having my social calendar come to close on such a good note. 

Alhamdulilah. 

An Illusion Of The Thing... Love!

I drew the above picture after a day of celebrating love between my cousin and her life partner of choice.

When I drew it, it was thoughtless and unintentional because it resides on the pages of my journal and ever since drawing it: I've never taken the time to question why? Did I draw it because I want to be in love? Is it a euphoric residue after seeing people celebrate love or am I just taken up by the concept of finding love than actually being in love?

I don't know. 

All these questions took my mind back to a month or so where one of my best friends said I was falling in love (with one of the hardest persons I've had the misfortune to fancy) and it woke me up! Her thoughts made me take a hard look at the situation, the person and it made me realize that if I was falling in love, I didn't want to fall freely, stupidly and settle for crumbs. No.

'Before you fall, take a hard look at where you're falling then you will know how to fall.' That quote went through my head as I mentally laid everything on the table. I knew without a doubt I am too good to settle for a person who treats me like an after thought, an ego-stroker, someone who makes me feel like I am trying to scale down the Great Wall of China with a fork in every conversation. To sum it up like a dog chasing after the elusive bone.

I've hurt more these past months than I've ever hurt for somebody, fallen into a depression I last suffered two years ago for something or someone that is really just an illusion of the thing - a concept.

Recently, I came across someone who thought that my being single is for lack of opportunity. How I laughed! For a girl to be single is not lack of opportunity, it is knowing what she wants and the decision to not settle for what's on offer especially if it doesn't give her room for growth. We may not have a say in who we fall for but we do have a say in who and what we finally settle for. That choice is up to us at the end of the day.

Whether concept, illusion or the real thing, I do know without a doubt that the next time I decide to fall for someone; it best be on my terms. Yes! I'd like to wake up to and be on the receiving end of 'good morning', 'how is your day', good night' texts that I will reply to six hours later if I feel like it and phone calls I wouldn't deign to pick nor respond to because I am busy! Busy seeing you blow up my phone while my heart is doing a jig for having an unsolicited ego-stroker who I can get back to when it suits me. That includes a fortnight. Thank you. 

On a serious note though; I may not know what I want or what being in love is like or if I am ready for it... Whatever. What I do know is I'd like it to be an easy fall. A mutual meeting of two lonely souls that appreciate one another enough to share the experience and wonderment of it all. The euphoria, nostalgia and melancholy as well as the little pinches that come with having divergent views and opinions. As long as we both know and look at each other with love at the end of a hard day. With gazes that will remind us of why we fell, settled and loved one another in the beginning.

Like I scribbled on the drawing: it ain't gotta be perfect as long as it is real and   mutual.

Fifth Anniversary!

Simply Shanah made five years! Wow!
I remember my very first post and the day I decided to put some of my life’s experiences on an open platform like it was yesterday. So many memories both good and bad, so many tear filled (but you wouldn’t know that), angry and depressive posts like life’s endless storms.

I chanced upon the above quote several months back and it made me re-think the purpose of Simply Shanah. It made me want to give it an overhaul, a different purpose and entirely a new focus. But that would have entailed losing a lot of who I am in black and white. The experiences I have been through that are just snippets on my journals and the little odd bits that I keep sharing. It is a true depiction of my life – all over the place and I wouldn’t change any of it anytime soon.
If I had gone through with the revamp, I wouldn’t be able to look back and gauge how much I have grown as a person in thought and writing. I also wouldn’t have concrete reminders of some of the painful situations in my life and how I overcame them. I mean; there is a period where there were hardly any depressed posts, well until recently of course. This is something because I am that girl… perpetually on the brink of depression and fortunately I have learnt how to deal with it more successfully than yesteryear.
Five years of Simply Shanah! If the feedback from friends and the readers is anything to go by; I have grown in my writing and the readership is amazing at this point. It takes a lot of energy to string together two words to form a coherent thought for a blog post and I admire those who do so on a regular basis unlike I. I barely have the time anymore and because of it my other baby is performing dismally.
Right now, at this moment in time, I am trying to get back to the basics and do what needs to be done especially for the things I care about most: this, my art and other baby not forgetting my French. Something was taking up too much of my time and it wasn’t in anyway constructive at all. In fact, I let myself be caught up in it and ended up losing the person I was before it. I am wholeheartedly trying to get back to that person because that girl knew who she was.
On that note; Happy happy anniversary to my first baby Simply Shanah!!! :) Thank you for reading and sharing the odd posts now and then.

Slave To A Muse.

No Artist Likes Being A Slave To Her Muse. 

I’ve never really had a muse before. I’ve never had a person whose voice, words, thoughts and personality act as sources of inspiration for my art.To date; all my artwork has been a result of my thoughts, imagination and most of all curiosity when it comes to changing up a design. Well, this recently changed and I am torn between good or bad as regards judgement.
Don’t get me wrong, as an artist, any source of inspiration is a godsend. It is an excuse to let go of all the banal and mundane things we do on a daily basis and just be: one with the pencil, one with the mood and let the wave of inspiration lead you where it wants you to go. The process of putting together an art piece and seeing it come to life is much more exciting and breathtaking than everything I have ever known. Much, much more.
The excitement when the creative juices are flowing and seeing your thoughts come together on paper and colour is the reason as to why artists should not be slaves to their muses. Not if the muse comes in form of a living, breathing person. Nope.
I am painstakingly putting the finishing touches to the name doodle I talked of here, a name that belongs to my source of inspiration. Yes, my muse. Someone I could frankly tell you never at all expected to inspire the pieces he has inspired. My creative juices have been overflowing and the artist in me loves it though loathes the thought of being a slave to a muse. The Shakespeare in me has been wrung out in ways you could never imagine and the ever evolving artwork has played background to many a poem. I have written more poems than I could share because they reveal so much. Sharing all would remove several cats out of the bag and arouse questions I have no answers to.
When I begun the artwork, it was a release of my thoughts and feelings. Little by little this ‘Labour Of Love’ (as I call it in my head) is slowly evolving in front of my eyes. The artist in me keeps looking at it in disbelief, wonderment and appreciation of my gift. At the back of my mind, I keep working on it with the intention to give it to him as a memento because they are my memories and want them to be his as it says but now, now, I am like hell NO! I’m going to keep it as my own memento. Something to look back on in my senior years as a reminder of my misbegotten youth and moment of folly.
Recently, it was revealed that Kim Kardashian is Peter Dundas’ muse for Roberto Cavalli. I keep thinking about this while working on my artwork, wondering how he feels having Kim for a muse because I do know how I feel. That one moment when he is in the process of fitting her with his most breathtaking dress for Fashion Week only for Kim to flee? What would happen to his entire collection?
Much as I appreciate my muse for the strokes of inspiration and flexing of creative muscle, I know I do not want my art to be a slave to a muse. No. These muses have the tendency to leave when you least expect it and before you know it, your entire creative mojo is off kilter. Some artists never creatively recover from the loss of a muse. They may keep at the craft but the pieces after are never as good as the ones before the muse fled, so the critics say.

Ps: The background in the picture is a collection of the artwork in its stages of evolution.

Volunteer Workshop

“You control your fate, you control your time and you control your life. Doing things changes things.” – Ross Simmonds

NUWODU Uganda recently held a small workshop for its volunteers and interns with the salient objective of boosting self confidence and esteem during the job hunting process and overcoming the challenges they face as girls with disabilities.
I found it not only educational but insightful. I love hearing about other people’s experiences. I may not necessarily like to share mine but I do love to hear what others have to say especially from girls with disabilities. This is the second time in my life where I have been given the opportunity to rub shoulders with people with disabilities. Before April 2014 and March 2015 I had never been in such environments.
Hearing from them and the challenges they faced as girls with disabilities during the job hunt was eye opening. What stood out to me most were the challenges: rigidity of thought pertaining opportunities and self marketing because they cut across both groups.
Rigidity of thought hit home because I have come into contact with several people who do not want to change their school of thought nor look at situations or opportunities differently. To them it has to be done the way it was meant to, for example, I have a Bsc. Information Technology and as such I should only look for jobs in Information Technology. If something you studied for fails to bring you that which you desire, why not find something else? Why not acquire a new skill set that will help you get where you would love to be? This is why people end up being bitter and frustrated yet opportunities are there, all you have to do is change your mindset and do self development if necessary.
Self marketing. As imparted to us in the workshop, we are now living in a generation where employment is not as clear-cut nor guaranteed as was previously done. It is about what you are offering, the skills you are bringing to the table and projects you are trying to pitch. Academic qualifications as a stand-alone are a thing of the past for the not so lucky ones. I came across an article by Ross Simmonds on Elite Daily where he said, ‘you are good as your last project. You are as good as your last pitch. You are as good as your last review. And with every day that passes that project, pitch or review will loses its wonder,’ and academic accomplishments mean nothing if you don’t create value – this can only be achieved through self development.
I personally believe in self development because I managed to land a job I never studied for academically. I spent a good year teaching myself secretarial studies specifically typing (I wanted to improve my speed on the computer which I did) and working for my mother helped me gain the interpersonal, communication and customer service skills which came in handy at my former place of employment. When the opportunity arises not necessarily out of lack of what to do, no. Out of interest. I take the time to catalogue that which I am doing here though not of late. I hate doing nothing! Sitting there and twiddling thumbs is not who I am. I have this belief that the things we teach ourselves stay with us much more than those we were taught.
The point is; do not be a stick in the mud where your thought process is concerned. Have an open mind because you are closing yourself off to so many opportunities yet you should be capitalizing on them. And do not be picky! Opportunity favours the prepared, prepare yourself, take the time to learn something new or teach yourself a new skill or subject you are very interested in. Your qualifications might not get you where you want to be but the skills you teach yourself will.
Ps: You can find Ross Simmonds article on elitedailydotcom under the title, ‘11 worthwhile pieces of advice for every ambitious young person.’ It made a good impression on me and re-enforced the thought to write about the workshop and follow nuwodu uganda on twitter @nuwoduadvocacy

Folly

Folly is the contemplation of being someone you are not for a person that cares naught for you.

smart are the circumstances that snatch you from folly's grasping hands and make you aware of how 

stupid you were for giving excessive thought to something you might regret in the long run.

Clarity is when the smog lifts and everything is left in glaring fact. It is in these moments where we fully know our true selves and the characters of people we choose to let into our lives.

What people don't know is: at a given moment; it is the littlest things that irrevocably change our perceptions and attitude toward the people we choose to let into our lives.

And when this happens, the smart thank their lucky stars for having escaped folly's grasping hands.

An April Retrospective.

The month of April brought a lot of insights and more decision making than I’ve ever done in my life. I’m a pretty decisive person but when it comes to matters of the heart, there is always that ‘maybe it will get better’ and before you know it; you are right back where you started.
It was the first weekend of April when I made this heartfelt decision to let go of someone I REALLY care about and will probably ‘like’ for the rest of my life. This is something I never thought I would do but I did because  it was time and felt right.
During then, I felt neither remorse nor sadness just a sense of finality. No going back, no digging it up, no nothing. Dead and buried. I don’t know if you all notice but once a decision is made from the heart, there is no going back unless you are a fickle person which I am not.
I liked and still do like him but he isn’t for me. I am quite laid back and easy to please but even people with my disposition reach their limit. Some people place too much importance on their time and person that a times it makes you question whether you aren’t as important or as busy and where you fit in (this is why I have few contacts in my phone) cause it is always about them.
Looking back on it now; I still stand by my decision and have no ill feelings at all not even a sense of loss. We’ve known each other for years so much so that this will never take away the bond of friendship just my heart. Now that my heart is no longer taken, it is time to go about the business of finding man candy!! I gave out my number once last year, this time I should at least top that with 2 or maybe 3. God willing.

Self - Confidence.

We deny our own beauty because others can't or won't recognise it. Instead of accepting ourselves as we are, we try to imitate what we see around us.
We try to be what other people think of as 'pretty' and, little by little, our soul fades, our will weakens, and all the potential we had to make the world a more beautiful place withers away.
We forget that the world is what we imagine it to be.
We stop being the moonlight and become, instead, the pool of water reflecting it. Tomorrow, the water will evaporate in the sun. And all because, one day, someone said: 'You are ugly.' Or: 'She is pretty.' With those three simple words, they stole away all our self-confidence.
And we become ugly and embittered.
Manuscript found in Accra

I downloaded this book but I am yet to find the wherewithal and energy to get lost in it. I know a few people who have read and liked it. When I finally get round to it, I shall keep y’all updated.

Choices.

I came across this quote or passage when I was reading a particularly interesting post from the Single Woman. I can’t remember right but it must have been about relationships. The Single Woman is all about them. Anyway, I have been hanging onto this quote for the longest time. It has been MONTHS to say the least. So, there it goes...

Every day, you have to make choices that ensure the thing you love continues to thrive. So if you find a way of life that is good for you, do whatever it takes to keep it. Complacency – the middle ground – is the attractive, safe choice. But fall into complacency, and that thing you love might wander off and be gone before you notice. Then what? Better to protect it in the first place. A relationship does not protect itself; it requires active work and humility. A way of life does not protect itself; it requires discipline and attention. – Chris Guillebeau

Hello, 2013.

I miss the past New Year’s Eve tradition where my family and I would go out for dinner then catch fireworks to usher in the New Year. Since I have been quietly ushering in the New Year from home for about two years, I guess I am used to it.
This time round was special in its own way despite spending it home. One of my gurls came over to spend the last few hours with me. We watched Michael Jackson’s This Is It then a bit of Rihanna’s Good Girl Gone bad concert. I wasn’t by my lonesome.
How about that, a New freaking Year!! Prior to New Year’s eve, me and my gurls talked quite a lot and I kept asking if they were anxiously anticipating the New Year and all of them gave a resounding NO! I guess we are officially grown up now that we don’t get giddy with excitement over the arrival of a new year. We are past the stage where we expect monumental changes to happen in our lives!
There’s one or two things I would love to happen (if at all they do) this year so I wouldn’t call them resolutions as such.
It would be nice to become financially independent. Yes! I am putting it all out there for God to work his magic while I do what I can too.
I’ve been told on more than one occasion the previous year to find a MAN! LOL. Is this a priority?! I don’t know. Basing on the fact that the last time I were in a tentative relationship was at University, I guess there is need for concern and it isn’t on my side. I’ve been single for too long anyway. Being in the comfort that I am currently enjoying and luxuriating in, it’s going to be hard. However thrilling the chase and flirting are, I hate putting myself out there! I guess I should use this opportunity to sharpen my extremely rusty and previously retired flirtation skills.
Seeing as I've put everything out there, I’d like to wish each and everyone of you all a Happy 2013. May God give you good health, Happiness and all that you ask. To all my friends and family, may the bonds of our friendship strengthen and tighten with each passing year. Amen!
Now that the year is a new and filled with prospects, let’s get to this idea…'start 2013 off with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen. On new years eve, empty it and see what awesome stuff happened that year.'

The Winds Of Change.

What would you expect to hear when you are in a funk of a mood? Certainly not the possibility of a pending relocation!
When this piece of news came to my attention, my heart plummeted to the floor! I was so floored and disconcerted by it that I hardly knew what to say! I actually sat down and took a hard look at all that is familiar as I wondered about the unknown.
I pride myself on a lot of things and one of them is being able to go with the flow but dang! This is something I never anticipated until my gainful employment – of course, which is yet to happen. From a business perspective, it is a sound idea but I can’t say the same from a personal one. I think it is going to suck major balls when my current office relocates!
The comfort of the familiar is oh so sweet and I don’t want to let go of it. The friends I’ve made, people I have come to know and well the camaraderie which takes ages to develop. I’m the type of person who takes long to make friends and with that in mind, being uprooted is not looking so hot from where I’m standing.
I’d like to say this is a good opportunity as far as my mood is concerned but I wouldn’t bet on it. Part of me wants to remain in the safety bubble so much so that I told my mum I wanted to stay where we were while the other part is trying to get used to the idea of change however tentative it might be at the moment.

The Power Of Association

One of my best friends sent me this quote and as I went through it; I reflected on the people I surround myself with both family and friends. There are friendships that I let go of during the course of the year and as I did that: I realized that the fewer friends you have, the better. It is said that,”The friends we keep define who we are as a person”…well, I didn’t want to be defined by such people because who they are is not the person that I am.
I am proud of the set of friends that I keep and maintain now because they are good people. They have been there for me in more ways than they could ever know. It is partly due to them I am who I am at the moment and I am happy about it and I appreciate them more. Here goes the quote….

"The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.
Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who is not going anywhere With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl, but if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses." The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends"…Colin Powell