My First Love.

Art is my passion, my first love and most of all the definition of who I am. - Shanah

The two top pieces from the left are more recent than the rest. Some of these are finished

Writing is and has never been my first love nor passion. No. I write because it is the only way I get over feelings of hurt, anguish and most of all incessant thoughts on a particular subject. What I think of myself in those dark solitary moments of creation and drawing is ‘artist’ not writer. I love to design and to draw. It is my first love and will always be. It is the one thing that I have a knack and desire for.
When I talked about it here; I never went into the details. I have drawn since I was a young girl – pre-teens. I used to draw on and off school holidays and breaks. I even remember my first pieces as a young girl. Drawing is something that comes naturally to me, as easy as breathing when the details aren’t so intricate. There are days where I sleep the next morning because I spent the night working on a piece. Days where I unplug; switch off the phone, get off social media and mute the television while I get lost in the moment. In the beauty of the process of creation. Those are the days I live for sometimes. The days when artistic inspiration is on a high and I lose everything to my imagination and the pencil executing the mental concept on paper, are the most exciting days of my life.
I draw a little more often lately and what never ceases to take my breath away is the evolution of a design. There is a whole lot to marvel at during the execution of a mental image and what eventually ends on paper. The mental vision is always different from the final design.This is why it is so hard to put into words the thoughts that brought on a particular piece and the source of inspiration. Thoughts are usually parallel to the actual design. To be honest; when I am drawing nothing is going on in my mind. I’m more still and at peace during those moments- I compare it to meditation and those peaceful moments you find yourself in during prayer.
Much as I am more open with my writing and don’t mind sharing, I am much more sensitive when it comes to my drawing. I never used to let anyone look at my pieces in my youth and still don’t. The only person who used to see the process from start to finish is my brother. No one else. I do share some on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook but it makes me feel like I am standing in the nude for the whole world to see and criticize. And it freaks me out. But I am trying to be a little more open.
Art is the only thing that makes me feel as agitated as a drug addict in withdrawal due to the lack of creative release. Last year, I was forced into buying art supplies for my former place of my employment because I needed that relief. It was the only thing I could think about the entire week. I would surely be lost if I couldn’t draw unlike writing although I need it too to stay sane.
Art is my passion, my first love and most of all the definition of who I am. Everything else comes second to it.

Where I Need To Be.

"When your heart speaks, take good notes." -  Judith Campbell

There is a way God does his things that leaves one in awe. At a point in my life where I was so fed up with my previous place of employment; I was handed a ray of hope amidst all the changes and everything I found so hard to deal with. God handed me a ray of hope. It was so unexpected that I tweeted about it for it was something I had long forgotten. I felt like throwing in the towel right there and then but as mothers go with their opinions, I didn’t. What I knew back then is; I wanted to be somewhere where I was happy and this ray of hope provided it. Suffice it to say; I am happy at the moment. Very happy.
I went back to where this gainful employment started: volunteering. I love it. It has brought me more experience that putting it into words would be an injustice. Some things need to be seen and been through personally to understand and this is one of them. I feel that this time in my life is exactly what I need. To be at peace and on a slower pace. The opportunity to figure out where this journey is leading to at the end of it all. But I’ll let God figure it out while I work on other areas in my life.
There is no better feeling than a peace of mind especially for a creative soul. My creative juices are flowing ever so gently which I love. Being given this opportunity to not only develop but nurture a talent is more than I could have asked for. Working Monday-Saturday 8:30-6:30 used to take not only the stuffing out of me but the creative juices as well. I barely had time to update this blog and work on my creativity too. Now; I have time maybe not for everything but it is enough.
The best part of it all is the opportunity to learn how things are done in a field I would like to be in. There is so much room for growth and development than anywhere else and the perks are infinite. And the people over my current place of employment drive HARD cars! If one is car shopping, there is the place to be. I hope to be a HARD car owner in years to come. God willing.
Let nobody ever lie to you. HAPPINESS is the TRUTH no matter the situation and areas in life. If you have to work hard at being happy then it is definitely not the right place, time and person.