Beauty In Ugly

I love saying that I never have thoughts during the creation process and for that matter cannot honestly tell anyone what inspired a piece. There is usually nothing to tell because most of my pieces never ever have back stories. They are simply the results of an imaginative mind.
However, this particular piece has a story. A story I didn’t want to share until a friend of mine asked when my next blog post would be. His question made me reflect on the draft hence the decision to share. To show that sometimes; it is OK to fall apart. To feel like the loneliest soul in the world without anyone to see you through except yourself. So, here goes nothing.
Her misfortune was being worked on during the most tumultuous weeks of my life! A week in which I was dealing with the intense pain of a sprained shoulder, a week where my emotions were in an upheaval, a week where I wished for my brother’s presence like I have never done in my life and intermittently wept like a bereaved person with wracking sobs to match.
On that fateful day; I took her out of the work-in-progress pile and went to work. Black was the color of choice given the situation and mind frame. I filled up the white space taking care not to mar her looks and the design which made her unique.

All she could do was purse her pink lips and take what I had to offer-pain, sorrow and emotional chaos. She was left without choice for she couldn’t talk back. She knew her creator needed to try and keep it together and this was the only way she knew how. After my emotions were spent, I put her away. To be worked on another day; when the mood struck.
Luckily for her, I took her out for inspection, in a better frame of mind no less. I looked at her with a critical eye trying to find the imperfections and irreparable damage my chaotic emotions had wrought. But most of all; it was to check how black suited her because no color does justice to feelings and thoughts like black.

I looked at her through the lens of a camera and seeing her stare at me with her pursed pink lips nudged my heart a little. I felt guilty for making her bear the brunt of my emotions yet she wasn’t the cause of it. Why continue to drown her in my sorrow? Thus, I gave her color. I wholeheartedly tried to bring her to life the way she was originally meant to by putting an effort into making her pretty. In an attempt to make up for the marks of sorrow she could not hide.
However, even in color: she smacks of so much pain and sorrow. The sorrow in her eyes alone is incomparable to the darknss in the lines on her face. In her lies the proof of her creator's hardest lesson in life - a lesson she failed at miserably. And for that; she will forever be the reminder of that lesson and the memories that come with it.

A Colourful Exploration.

I finally took the plunge and started experimenting with color in my drawings. You can not imagine how tedious the process was first time round. The time taken to settle on the colors to use; what to put it and the eternal question, ‘aren’t I messing it up?’ plagued my mind like no man’s business.
Drawing to me is a natural process, one that looks infinitely better in black and white in my mind. The idea of putting all that I draw in color was just a smidgen of thought at the back of my mind. A thought I never let fester at all because I draw for myself. Sharing on social media and some few friends has made me reconsider because not all of us see black and white and neither do we prefer the stark beauty of it when we can have it in color. With all that in mind; I decided to give it a go.
In all honesty; the exploration is not easy! It is easier for me to come up with a new design rather than dilly-dally over color choices and the indecision it brings. I hate indecisiveness in people and this makes it much more worse as I am forced to be. If I were a painter, it would be so easy. I personally think their mental concepts are completely in color before the final piece. By the time they translate it to paper, they know what colors would be best and know how to execute it all.
I have, so far, colored three of my many drawings and at the end of they day, I look at them with a dubious eye. This is how unsure I am. However unsure and doubtful I am over the process, I am giving it a chance. The chance to see what others see in color.

My First Love.

Art is my passion, my first love and most of all the definition of who I am. - Shanah

The two top pieces from the left are more recent than the rest. Some of these are finished

Writing is and has never been my first love nor passion. No. I write because it is the only way I get over feelings of hurt, anguish and most of all incessant thoughts on a particular subject. What I think of myself in those dark solitary moments of creation and drawing is ‘artist’ not writer. I love to design and to draw. It is my first love and will always be. It is the one thing that I have a knack and desire for.
When I talked about it here; I never went into the details. I have drawn since I was a young girl – pre-teens. I used to draw on and off school holidays and breaks. I even remember my first pieces as a young girl. Drawing is something that comes naturally to me, as easy as breathing when the details aren’t so intricate. There are days where I sleep the next morning because I spent the night working on a piece. Days where I unplug; switch off the phone, get off social media and mute the television while I get lost in the moment. In the beauty of the process of creation. Those are the days I live for sometimes. The days when artistic inspiration is on a high and I lose everything to my imagination and the pencil executing the mental concept on paper, are the most exciting days of my life.
I draw a little more often lately and what never ceases to take my breath away is the evolution of a design. There is a whole lot to marvel at during the execution of a mental image and what eventually ends on paper. The mental vision is always different from the final design.This is why it is so hard to put into words the thoughts that brought on a particular piece and the source of inspiration. Thoughts are usually parallel to the actual design. To be honest; when I am drawing nothing is going on in my mind. I’m more still and at peace during those moments- I compare it to meditation and those peaceful moments you find yourself in during prayer.
Much as I am more open with my writing and don’t mind sharing, I am much more sensitive when it comes to my drawing. I never used to let anyone look at my pieces in my youth and still don’t. The only person who used to see the process from start to finish is my brother. No one else. I do share some on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook but it makes me feel like I am standing in the nude for the whole world to see and criticize. And it freaks me out. But I am trying to be a little more open.
Art is the only thing that makes me feel as agitated as a drug addict in withdrawal due to the lack of creative release. Last year, I was forced into buying art supplies for my former place of my employment because I needed that relief. It was the only thing I could think about the entire week. I would surely be lost if I couldn’t draw unlike writing although I need it too to stay sane.
Art is my passion, my first love and most of all the definition of who I am. Everything else comes second to it.

A Few Edits.

The thing about artistic inspiration is; you never know when it is going to take a break nor return, it just does. All of a sudden, you find yourself thinking about these ideas for a design and how to make something work or you fail to come up with an idea when you want to.
By now, y’all know I am BIG on making something work for You, so this shouldn't come as a surprise. I've had these colored square beads for quite a long time. Whenever I would think of making something out of them, it wouldn't work. You won’t believe how many times I've made them into something then taken it apart because it doesn't gel until I resorted to leaving them be.

Well, artistic inspiration decided to return and on one fine weekend, I got everything I needed to work on together and accomplished it all…some of it anyway. I am so lazy. I took apart these beads and reworked them into arm candy. A bracelet, to be honest and I think (at the moment) it works. I like the crisscross shape it does when wound on the arm.

Another thing I had to do on my edit list was this chunky necklace I got last year…I think. It was so long and heavy what with the chunky balls. The first time I wore it, people kept asking me whether my neck hurt. LOL! If it could look that heavy to onlookers, how about me the wearer? I made the decision to reduce it to a collar necklace, not a chocker but those that hang to above or on the chest first chance I got.The thing about ideas is you can think it, keep it at the back of your mind until you get round to working on it.

When I was done with re-working the beads into a bracelet, I reduced the necklace too. I made sure to keep the original ball arrangement so as not to spoil the colour combination. On editing, I got more beads to make arm candy to go with the necklace. They were so many, I made two beaded bracelets out of it.
I also had a necklace my sister had given me that needed editing. Some of the stones had fallen out but the pearls were intact. I took out the empty stone shells, remained with the pearls and made two bracelets. One chunky one with the large pearls and a smaller one. These are faux pearls, by the way.

Guess where all this is, in my little basket of arm candy. Yeah, I keep my jewellery in these little baskets for easy access and storage. I have enough to run a small boutique apparently, people keep telling me this but I refute it.

Make It Work For You!

My mum got me these teardrop stud danglers and I’d never worn them (by choice) until awhile back. When I first got them, it was with a lot of misgivings. I liked the design but not the length. They were too long for my taste and I couldn’t turn them down. You know it is rude to turn down a gift, right? I decided to keep them with the knowledge that I’ll never wear them. I never wear stuff I don’t like. I either give re-gift (give) or leave it at the bottom of my stuff.

Considering how long it  had been since I got the danglers, I was pestered into wearing them which I didn't like on principle. The first time I wore them; I received a few stares cause of the design and the look probably. I didn’t dwell on it. I had my own thoughts to entertain where they were concerned; they were long, weighed my ears down and the constant swinging got on my nerves! Ps: this is why some girls have extremely large ear piercings! Isn’t it weird how self conscious you feel when you do or wear something you have a lot of misgivings about? That’s how I felt.
There was a moment when we were caught up in traffic and I got the chance to take a hard long look at the danglers. As I looked at them; I developed the itch to edit/tweak/tone them down. That day was  the first and last time I wore them long.

So bored I took a picture!

I took quite awhile in getting round to shortening them. One of my friends came to visit over the weekend and I sought her opinion which as expected was contrary to mine. She thought they looked better longer whilst I preferred short. Since I had two similar pairs; same design different colours, I decided to edit the ones I would wear most.
Editing jewellery never takes long. A few weak spots is all it needs. Anyway I took them from a length that got on my nerves to something short and sweet! Which I definitely like!
I had the opportunity to wear them and showed mum the newest version. I held my breathe for a bit waiting and let out a huge sigh when she approved of the new look (She’s the one who got them for me after all)!

New Version.

I Love Reading!

It feels so good to finally get back to what I love and am most passionate about in my life, that passion is reading. I am one of those avid readers, if I take long, I feel incomplete, and like something is lacking and I miss it.

Lately, I have been able to do just that; Read. I have read so many books that people get surprised when they find out but it is what I do. I had stopped reading for quite a few years due to a lack of access to novels. The guy I used to borrow from disappeared and also being done with school put a temporary stop to the passion.

 I am the type that hardly spends on a novel but given the chance, I will read it even if from someone else. I don't see the use of buying the book when I am going to be done reading it in a few hours and will probably lend it to a friend.

I used to go to my country's main bookstore, browse through the authors and titles or novels they had in stock.  If I came across a novel I was yet to read. I would take it off the shelf and make myself comfortable in the provided arm chairs, open the novel and read halfway through it. So as not to look suspicious and attract unwanted attention nor give myself away, I would stop midway through the novel, mentally mark the page I had stopped on then I'd leave only to return a few weeks later to finish the novel.

Surprisingly, I was able to carry off the act until one of the shop attendants found me one day, very caught up in the novel! Imagine my shock when she tapped me on the shoulder! She gave me such a fright that I couldn't even pretend or claim that I had been going through the summary! From then onwards, I wasn't allowed to sit in their arm chairs for more than five minutes and I also had to be visible whilst there so they could keep their watchful eyes on me. Due to that, my trips to the bookstore have been infrequent, why go when I can't indulge in my passion?

Where I work, our neighbor happens to sell her collection of novels and rents them out too since few people buy. That is how poor our reading culture is. I used to borrow from her until she refused to rent to me claiming I let my whole family and friends read her books thus returning them in frazzled conditions! I was too surprised because I am the only one that read her novels and aside from my mum, no one else reads in my family. Besides, my mum doesn't read as often as I do. I told her I will never rent from her again. She could as well eat her novels for all I cared!

One of my closest friends ended up giving me a few audio books and one in pdf format. I managed to read the one in pdf format within a few days despite having to read it from my laptop but I have to this moment failed to completely listen to the audio books. Funny thing is; one of the audio books is "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. There are so many rev reviews about the book which should motivate me more but…

Whenever I make the decision to dedicate a day to give it a complete listen, I end up getting irritated by having my earphones on for more than an hour and my mind would keep straying. I am more of a paperback person than an audio listener. It is so weird having a book read to you by someone else instead of you doing it by yourself, having it in your hands and letting your imagination run wild.

I must say, I have some pretty awesome friends. They always try to help me out when it comes to novels and books. One of them recently sent me pdf formats of a few relationship books by Steve Harvey (he is the author of the season) and not only that, he introduced me to online piracy! I should not be proud of that but I am. I have been able to download a few other books and the reader in me is very appreciative because I can satisfy my craving and passion for books. The fact I have to read from my laptop doesn't get me down, much as I am a paperback person, pdf isn't so bad.

Every time I finish a book, I always think of the person that sent it to me and I end up appreciating them more and more. 

xxxShanahxxx 

First Loves

Before we grew up to become sophisticated young men and ladies. Before us girls discovered boys, and before we learnt how to deal with life's little stresses and problems. We had fun little hobbies that used to bring us pleasure every time we carried them out, when we were younger.

When I was younger, I used to draw as a hobby and I loved it. I would draw every weekend and possibly after classes sometimes at school. It’s something that used to make me relax and stop thinking of school problems and other issues that a young girl is sometimes forced to deal with.

As I grew up, dealing with high-school and later university, I stopped drawing. The urge would come to me now and then but I would rarely act on it. This doesn't mean I gave up on it or forgot entirely. Sometimes we have to prioritize and in this case; school had to come first because that laid the foundation of my entire life.

A few months back, my brother returned for vacation. He saw all my art books and asked if I still drew. Sadly, I answered him in the negative. His thinking was, I stopped because I had to deal with school and exams but that didn't mean I should give it up. He knew how passionate I was about it. I realized then that we should never completely give up on something that we love no matter how busy we are.

The funny thing is, a friend also reminded me of how good I was and the pleasure I used to gain from it. Inspiration is a funny thing. After having a good pep-talk with my best friend, ideas begun popping up as I felt the excitement build. I remembered how I would get excited about a design, the finished product. The rush to draw came back and I was happy about it. I had missed not being able to do so all those years that I had stopped.

However much we may be young ladies and men, try not to forget about the things you loved as a child. They are the ones that remind you of your childhood and sometimes you need them to remind you of your innocence.

PS: I would have loved nothing more than to use one of my sketches but I don't have them scanned maybe next time.