A month ago, I had a lengthy chat with one of male supervisors after he expressed concern over my love cycle and the lack thereof an active social life. The chat was discomforting to put it mildly but after I got over the cringe factor, I gave him my full attention and took the opportunity to ask a few pertinent questions from a well seasoned man.
"When the opportunity comes, take it. Give it a try."
In the midst of him relaying love related stories of his friends and giving me tips along the way: I reflected upon my love cycle and how far it had come despite all attempts failing to reach butterfly stage. I have given more of me this year than all previous years combined.
At the beginning of the year, matters of the heart were no where on my list of resolutions. If anything it was the last thing I could conceive of in thought. But, God returned a blast from the past and made me re-think it. Unfortunately, his presence in my life this time round was briefer than the years we spent apart. Suffice it to say; the reasons as to why you never made it with someone in the past apply a second time.
"Have you ever seen a woman drive a relationship?"
When he asked this, I literally laughed out loud! He soundly hit the nail on the head and didn't even know it! I am a control freak! I like to see things go my way and if I can commandeer them, I will! If I can spend a few minutes giving my own father orders like a general: why not a guy of no relation?
But, I relinquished my control freak tendencies this time round because the guys refused to dance to my tune and toe the line.
"The thing about you girls is: you think just because a relationship failed, the friendship shouldn't remain."
I think maintaining a friendship with someone you like or liked and rejected you is the cruelest thing you can ever do to yourself especially if you have nothing in common to go on. They serve as constant reminders of something that could never be. Those feelings are better invested elsewhere than in a dead end situation. Nevertheless, some people make for better friends and once the friendship is priceless and invaluable that is enough to forget about the little hiccup in friendship.
"What you need is a modern relationship. One without commitment."
Love in the contemporary world as he calls it. Anyway, with those words; I knew he was a man after my own heart. The one thing I am not looking for is commitment! I love my independence and truthfully, the constant presence of people in my space stifles me a lot and makes me resentful. The moody girl that I am cannot handle commitment because my mood is reason enough to get me chucked!
I shall not pretend to lie and say that I understood that. No. However, I took it to mean there is no such thing as fidelity in this generation of ours. If you believe he is faithful or not it is really up to you. It is better to have both eyes wide open and see life for what it truly is."There is no faithful man and there is no unfaithful man. Once you know the difference between those two you will have successful relationships."
As of the moment; I feel my love cycle has been used, abused and mistreated hence needs to be buried for the rest of the year. I have used up my quota of emotional and time investments for this year because emotions I last felt 5 or so 6 years ago were wrought and my heart needs serious stitches. It is for that matter that I am officially taking a break. Try me next year around September.
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