Disappointment

This is what we nowadays term as a ‘throwback’ post because I wrote it last year 15th/12/2014 to be exact. At a time when I was so frustrated, moody and disappointed with someone I thought would eventually be a life partner. The feelings were mutual and much as the conversations at the start felt like pulling teeth, I loved his company and who he was.
I titled it ‘disappointment’ because it is how I felt and still do. Disappointed mostly in having to let go of someone who I share religious affiliations with. This is what hurt the most - letting go of a good Muslim guy. I attract boys who hardly share my religious beliefs and finding someone who does is a godsend that I treasure. To have to let go of one is painful.

Disappointment
You know what disappointment is?
Disappointment is the realisation that the person you thought would be your life partner wants to change you into someone you are not.
It is knowing; however much you may ignore your instinct, it will always be right at the end of the day.
It is facing up to facts of life. Much as you may like the person, you will never be his ideal.
It is knowing that the people you care about will always find you lacking.
It is in the knowledge that; that picture in your mind of the two of you shall never come to pass.
It is in the knowledge that you will never be who you truly are with him for fear of criticism.
Disappointment is what makes the heart ache over what it is losing.
Letting go of someone you truly care about hurts but at the end of the day, you have to look after YOU.

By the time it came to this; I had ignored all the tell tale signs until I couldn’t anymore.

Quotes.

I have been reading a lot lately; it is my pastime especially when it is a slow day at work. Most of these quotes and passages are from books I have read and my favourite shows. If they are mushy, blame it on the novels. I haven’t read a serious novel since The Fault In Our Stars? No, that’s not true. I returned to the author who got me hooked on to novels- Danielle Steel. And if you know her stuff she is as serious as they come. So serious that I first prepared myself by reading Five Days In Paris; a book I read in my teens before delving into her latest books.

“A beautiful woman alone is always vulnerable”- Anne Mather
“I’m the kind of girl who likes company. When traveling through hell.” – Fearless Heart
“Fear tells you where the edge is. Fear is a good thing.” - Gotham
“Torture is an art form. It is a skill you cultivate.” – ARROW
“Passion is a storm not love.”- Windeck
“The unloved and unlovely of this world are often invisible to those of affluence.” – Dorothy Clark
“Lust is not love, and passion can turn cold when expectations are not met, when deeply set needs are not answered.” – Sandra Marton
“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals. They seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.” – Anne Frank (Echoes)
“Whoever saves one life, saves a world entire.” – Talmud (Echoes)
“When they act like you mean nothing to them, it means they are madly in love with you.” – Danielle Steel (Echoes)
“I wanted you to know that I love you, in case something happens to me when I go back. I want you to know that this man loves you, and will love you till the day he dies.” – Danielle Steel
“The important things were never easy. That is what made them important.” – Danielle Steel
“Some griefs are not meant to be shared.” – Danielle Steel
“Language could be every bit as filled with subtle textures that hold concealed messages as art.” – Penny Jordan

Echoes – Danielle Steel
Fearless Heart – Telenovela
Windeck – African Telenovela

A Gradual Resolution.

It’s a New Year, New Beginnings and all that fan fare people associate with a new year. And I couldn’t be any more less excited. Why? Because I miss the two weeks I had off work. I was just starting to relax, enjoy being home and before I knew it; the fortnight was done. And my brother is leaving me sooner than I thought which makes it suck more!
However short it turned out to be; I enjoyed it immensely. I got the chance  to take naps and remembered how waking up from one felt like – refreshing. I think the lack of taking one at work is what drains me most. I should look into getting alone time over there.

My Creations

The creative juices flowed like never before and I made two necklaces which I loved. Not forgetting the one I edited. Drawing, making something and reading are my most treasured moments of free time. They symbolize peace, rest and I get as much out of them as a Zen master would out of meditation.
So it’s the new year. Hmm… I try not to have resolutions because no one ever goes through with them anyway but this time round, I am forced to have one. Yes. I realized last year that I have massive anger issues and might need anger management lessons at some point in my life. I’m pretty much a laid-back girl: the kind that is not fazed by anything for I take people at face value, I rarely let little things get to me so it takes forever for me to become enraged.
Well, I suffered my most enraging moment last year! The kind of rage that is only spent by breaking several things. And I broke some. The sound of shattering glass and ceramic definitely does something for the mind. There is that sense of fulfilment and calmness that overcomes the body after expending those emotions. Last time I felt this enraged was in High School and even then I broke a little something. What’s not cool though is; the muscle pain garnered from the energy and force put behind breaking stuff. I went around with a sore shoulder for two weeks.
Seeing as I can’t go round breaking things; the need to work on my anger is real and as such I am going to try as much as I possibly can. This will, however, be a gradual process. Those of us who take forever to combust take twice the time to work on it. So, wish me luck.
And with that; may you all be able to go through with your resolutions. Happy New Year.

A Look Back On My 2014.

Not so long ago on an evening out with my brothers, I had a moment of reflection upon everything that happened in the course of 2014. This took me to the years where my girl Shar and I would promise each other on new years eve- the new year was our year. We did this for a couple of years until we both realized ‘our’ year was yet to come.
I smiled to myself as it occurred to me that 2014 was the year we were both waiting for; the one God had ordained. So much has happened in this year than in all the previous years we used to hang our hopes on. A dream I had stopped dreaming finally came true. I am gainfully employed and so is my girl. Knowing that we are going through this at the same point in our lives means everything to me. To be able to share experiences and hurts with each other as we navigate this new journey is more than one could ask for.
The road to financial independence is quite challenging for both of us. However, I am glad to be back on a scheduled and focused point in life. There is a lot of comfort in knowing where you must be at a particular time and what you should do than trying to figure out how to spend the day and make the time fruitful.
Also, artistic inspiration has been on a high this year than any other. I draw on and off every year which is nothing new but trying my hand at creating jewellery and carrying it off is something I never saw coming. Nurturing the talent has been quite the ride. The ideas are endless yet the time is rarely there. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Being a jewellery designer is one of my biggest dreams. It is what I want to be in the years to come. God willing. And taking these baby steps in the right direction are everything.
Best of all this year; is having my brother around. Sad’s being here has made the work experience a little bit easier. There are times when I don’t think he understands me at all yet he does. Having him around at this moment in time is more than I could have ever imagined because at the end of the day; he is my confidant, my sense of humor and most of all my brother.I shall miss him immensely when the time for him to leave dawns. I pray for nothing but the best for him.
Enough of the mushiness. LOL. I couldn’t be more grateful for everything that’s been 2014. The friends I have made both old and new, the experiences, gift of life to see most of it come true and the new dreams.
Happy New Year people. May all your wishes and dreams come true in the coming year.