It Hurts Too Much Not To Forget

Why is it hard to get over hurtful words?
Words you never thought you would hear?
Acts you never thought you would see?

Why does the mind keep going over every little thing?
Eternally analysing intent and purpose?
Forever picking apart the situation like hungry vultures on a carcass?

Why can't we forget as easily as the way we change clothes?
Why do feelings of betrayal, anguish and impotence linger?
And make us walk around with the heavy burden of sorrow in our hearts?

It hurts too much not to forget,
And yet, too heavy a burden to carry around.

Disappointment

This is what we nowadays term as a ‘throwback’ post because I wrote it last year 15th/12/2014 to be exact. At a time when I was so frustrated, moody and disappointed with someone I thought would eventually be a life partner. The feelings were mutual and much as the conversations at the start felt like pulling teeth, I loved his company and who he was.
I titled it ‘disappointment’ because it is how I felt and still do. Disappointed mostly in having to let go of someone who I share religious affiliations with. This is what hurt the most - letting go of a good Muslim guy. I attract boys who hardly share my religious beliefs and finding someone who does is a godsend that I treasure. To have to let go of one is painful.

Disappointment
You know what disappointment is?
Disappointment is the realisation that the person you thought would be your life partner wants to change you into someone you are not.
It is knowing; however much you may ignore your instinct, it will always be right at the end of the day.
It is facing up to facts of life. Much as you may like the person, you will never be his ideal.
It is knowing that the people you care about will always find you lacking.
It is in the knowledge that; that picture in your mind of the two of you shall never come to pass.
It is in the knowledge that you will never be who you truly are with him for fear of criticism.
Disappointment is what makes the heart ache over what it is losing.
Letting go of someone you truly care about hurts but at the end of the day, you have to look after YOU.

By the time it came to this; I had ignored all the tell tale signs until I couldn’t anymore.

How The Cookie Crumbles…

"Smile like there's nothing wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting you."

 

Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived a boy and a girl who have quite a history. The boy and girl grew closer from the onset of their second meeting.

They would chat and talk to each other almost everyday or every other day for hours on end without awkward silences. It was beautiful to watch if I say so myself.

The Girl thought they were going somewhere with it until she woke up one morning to find the boy had listed himself in a relationship with some hussy and it wasn’t her! As expected, the girl was quite distraught. She mulled it over; left, right and center trying to find a reason why? Why with someone else and not her? Could she have read it all wrong? Was it because of the fight they had had? But fights are supposed to make you stronger not to weaken the bond. As she recalled, they had successfully mended fences after the fight and everything was back to normal. Why this and Why now? All the signs had pointed to getting together even if they never actually had “the talk”.

She put everything that had happened down to reading too much into the signs when clearly it was all in her head. A consultation with her best friends told her otherwise. He was into her just as she was judging by prior actions. Actions speak louder than words sometimes but when it comes to matters of the heart, the talk needs to be had.

The girl felt like confronting the boy upon finding him listed but thought otherwise. You do not confront someone on something you have never talked about. She then contemplated telling him how she felt but it was a little too late. Doing so would put the two of them in an extremely awkward situation therefore killing the friendship. How do you survive something like that? She decided to keep it to herself and went on being the ‘good friend’ she is. Besides, her brother had once told her that for boys, there is safety in numbers. He can say the same things to three different girls later settling with the one who gave in first. The not so best woman won in this insistence.

Even if it kills her a times, she holds onto who she is. Fine, she misses the endless talking on the phone. The texts and well…the thought that she is talking to him and no one else. But hey, the cookie had to crumble at some point, right?

The boy and the girl occasionally talk though not as frequently. At the back of their minds, they both know it will never be right as rain like before not until the boy talks about the elephant in the room. The girl, however much she wants to bring it up can’t dare to. No! It is his business and therefore he has to be the one to bring it up.

THE END!

loss

 Why is loss the hardest thing to go through? Why do we have to lose friends, the people that we care about in this process? Why does it turn out that the person you trusted the most is the one that you should have been wary of more than anything in the world?

I wonder if everyone thinks about the loss of a great friend. Loss in the sense that you had to let go of the friendship due to something that happened not because of death

I had a friend who I loved talking to so much, everything was all about laughter and fun with a bit of seriousness here and there. The sad thing is that this friend took advantage of our friendship and did something I least expected. It wasn't a big deal but for some reason I can't move on from that and when I see her, I feel this overwhelming rage. I don't want her near me nor associating with the people I talk to yet we have people we share in common.

When I think about the moments we shared, I end up regretting the loss of that friendship because I do miss her. I sometimes wonder if I handled that situation badly. I can't help think to myself that maybe its my fault, the way things are between us.

However much I might regret the loss of the friendship, I don't feel any remorse in letting go of her because, I feel that, once someone wrongs you and you forgive, they might take advantage of you at some point in the future.

Maybe I just have an unforgiving nature?