Girl Getting Her Own!

I made it through my first month of employment! Alhamdulilah! Most of you won’t get this but it is a big deal.
Huh! Where to begin? I find myself so busy that I hardly have the time to update Simply Shanah. I spend the weekends sleeping like someone suffering from sleeping sickness. Something I rarely did until now. My sleep pattern is definitely changing.
The writer in me keeps these little notes on the phone to keep track of what is going on with my life at particular moments in time but they rarely make it here. Let me just say, A LOT has happened in this one month of working.
To take it all back to the beginning; I was on the fence about working full time because of my health and all the other issues that cropped up to make it a little more difficult than I anticipated. There was a point where I felt like throwing in the towel after two days!
The day I felt like giving in, I spent it in a teary chat with one of my best friends. The old friend I talked about here. Somehow she understood me and gave me a pep talk that I believe helped me carry on. I just don’t know what was wrong with me. Even now, I can’t explain it though I have an inkling as to what brought it on.I am glad that she is in my life because if it were not for her, I wouldn’t even be writing a post about my first month. She means a lot to me and I am glad to have her back in my life.
I like what I am doing and the people I come in contact with. I have been involved in situations which I thought I would never be in and came out unaffected. I am learning how to deal with a conniving work-mate whose motives I am yet to understand and also work in an environment where I can’t call any of the people friends.
All in all this is a good thing. It took me awhile to get here and now that I am - I am happy to say I like it. Yes! I am FINALLY a girl getting her own! And that feels fantastic. ;)

Random Act Of Kindness: The School Experience.

Once in awhile, keeping; time, mood and nothing to do constant, I do a random act of kindness for some of my friends provided it is within my power and reason.
The request for this act of kindness came in form of a Facebook message from, Zacky. He needed help writing about a school experience-something i had never done before.
I asked for all the pertinent information which would make a skeleton of how it would shape up but just like a guy, he wasn’t so forthcoming yet it was about his school.
After my promise to help out; I felt like backing out on more than one occasion. There was hardly any information to go on and picking my girl Shar’s brain showed how off topic what I had come up with was. I remember asking her if two heads could be wrong?
I have the tendency to put stuff on hold after a failed first attempt and that’s what I did. Sleeping on it always gives you a clear mind and a new perspective the next day.
Since Zacky was hardly informative, the logical alternative was to draw from my own school experience- how I felt, loved and remember about it. I thought, ‘if it were me in his shoes, what would I write or talk about?’
I still wanted to chicken out, thought better of it and took the plunge. Putting that thinking cap on led to the creation of something I liked at the last minute. And best of all, he liked it too.
There goes my random act of kindness.

When kindness Sucks!!

I'm not going to talk about the pros/advantages of being kind. We all know what those are. I'm going to talk about the pitfalls of being the kind and generous soul that I am.
I'm the type of person who is generous and kind to a fault, well... to the people I choose. I always have this mantra in my head, "why not help if you can?" I never think twice when someone asks for my help, I go all in or half way if I can no matter what the situation.
I'm a giver. I give away things for no reason at all sometimes. I never expect anything in return because it's who I am.
They say, "Help a man once and he'll always come to you when in trouble." This has happened to me several times that the one time I failed to help someone, he looked at me with eyes suggesting I were the worst human being he has ever laid eyes on! That hurt but there was nothing I could do about it.
There are people I used to know who I let go of because they were taking advantage of my generous soul. They always expected me to bail them out of whatever situation they found themselves in which I couldn't take any more. It's not a crime to be kind because I don't do what I do to win brownie points, but don't let me find out that you're using me or are friends with me because you know you can get something out of me! That's not right at all!
I have been there for a few people in situations that as I look back on them, I realize that they will never be there for me if, I were the one who is going through what they went through. I have been or tried to be a good friend and a good sister. The more I grow, the more I realize that the people I've always been there for will never be there for me. And it hurts so damn much, I won't lie nor sugar coat it.
There are situations we go through that push our backs against the wall. Situations that make you have a few expectations from those you've helped to just once; step up to the plate and show you that they've got your back just as you have theirs.
I've had a few bad situations since the year begun that made me reflect on how I got to them and it's because of my generous and kind soul. These bad times made me realize that; much as I love to help or give, the people I give will never do the same for me. Some of them will never come up and do something good for me without asking questions as to why I deserve it because it's who they are. I'm not saying that I give expecting returns because I don't.
What hurts so damn much is the knowledge that whatever I go through, they'll never ever lift a finger to help, out of the goodness of their hearts. This is where being kind absolutely sucks because; as generous souls, we always have that little bit of expectation from others because we want to see a piece of ourselves in them. A piece of our kindness.
Don't you wish that sometimes, at least once in a lifetime, someone can step up to the plate and surprise you? Is it too much to ask especially with the knowledge that you've tried so much to be there for that person?
  

April Highlights.

I decided to do a roundup of what I was dealing with during the month of the Fool or Fools.

I have been sick for the longest time! Unfortunately, I am not one of those that happen to be endowed with good health throughout the year. I envy such people! But in my religion i.e. Islam, sickness is a way of expiating on your earthly sins which is a good thing but on the other hand, I must be such a Sinner! The good thing about all this is that my best friend and a few of my good friends were there for me in spirit. I love them for that. Nothing makes one feel better about themselves than knowing that they have someone who absolutely cares, no matter what!

I suffered a crushing disappointment from someone who really did not have the option of disappointing me. It took me awhile to wrap my brain around the fact that he really did it but I got over it. We all have expectations in others because we want to see a little of our own kindness in them, when we don't receive nor see any of it, it absolutely hurts. We live and learn everyday and it’s because of this that my faith in the person has diminished a notch.

April saw the beginning of the 'walk to work' protests in Uganda led by the opposition leaders. They were meant to be peaceful protests but the outcome and damage caused wasn't what they had hoped for. I got to witness police brutality and also found out just how much power the police have in their hands. Why don't we have a disciplinary committee for the police? Why must they assault citizens and get away with it?

The hugest highlight of last month had to be the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. She looked so beautiful and her doing her own makeup was a bonus because she got it right. I think Harry looked better than the Groom but hey, it was his day. David Beckham (massive crush) looked so handsome and dashing in his morning suit. I loved his sleeked back hair. Victoria is a lucky woman. The British have a thing for hats because, it was a HAT show. Kate deserved her prince and this showed that fairy tales really do come true.

The exit of April marked the beginning of one of my favorite TV shows Big Brother Africa. The adverts throughout the month were making me anxious. Tension was at its peak due to the fact that I wasn't sure of who was going to be our representative. They ended up being revealed on the forum just a week from the premier and it wasn't all bad. There is a massive provision of male eye candy!

Now, that we said bye to April. I am happy to finally see the arrival of MAY which happens to be my birth month. So excited! And happy to be better so I can enjoy it and everything.

Have a Fantastic May everyone.

xxxShanahxxx