Looking For ME!

There are situations or rather experiences we go through that are sometimes indescribable.  Situations where there are no words befitting of a description on what is being felt at that  moment. You find yourself going on with your life and the memories the experience left you with.
I have come to realise that just like everything else in life, words also come to you at  a time they are meant to and they couldn't be any less honest and befitting of past experiences.
These are my words to sum up a situation and an experience that thankfully no longer brings that hitch of regret.

At first I was looking for you,

Then I realised the reality of you,

Is much more different from my dreams. 

Now,

I am looking for ME. 

 

We Don't Always Get What We Wish For... 08/11/2014

I wish he'd let me forget him.

I wish I'd had 6months to a year to get over him and the feelings he arouses in me.

I wish he'd never reached out at a point where his name was becoming a distant memory.

I wish I never felt this way about him knowing it cannot be.

I wish I didn't have to deal with the thought of 'us' again when I'd just buried it.

I wish my heart didn't ache with thoughts of him.

I wish I had the strength to cut him out of my life once and for all.

And most of all; I wish he wasn't who is.

It'd make the loss of him much easier.

But we don't always get what we wish for.

 Xx Shanah.

I have this habit of making little notes on my phone 50% of the time because it is always at hand and this is one of them. The downside of writing on the phone is the lack of time to make necessary transfers. I get to it a little later than I should. The notes are either deleted or sequestered away on email but often deleted during general clean up sessions at the end of the year when the feelings/mood that inspired them is nonexistent.

Quotes

• “Taste cannot be taught” – Rivals

• “Peace of mind is the most fabulous accessory.” – Rivals

• “Everything you experience and learn in life makes you who you are.” – Natalie Massenet

• “You accept the love that you think you deserve.” – Perks Of Being A Wallflower

• “Don’t underestimate the allure of darkness, even the purest of hearts are drawn to it.” – Klaus (TVD)

• “It is not the strong who survive. It is those who survive who are called strong.” – Sword And Flower

• “Old money is quiet money.” – Paradise

• “Some people feel love in their hearts. Some of us feel it all the way into our souls. We’re the ones who can’t forget.” – Paradise

• “Even when the bad is staring a woman in the face, she wants to believe her man is good.” – Sandra Brown

• “Most messes can be cleaned up with the right broom.” – Diana Palmer

• “Love has never recognized age.” – Diana Palmer

• “A woman is instinctively afraid of a man she thinks can conquer her.” – Diana Palmer

• “There’s always a grain of truth in every lie.” – Diana Palmer

• “Hatred is a sin not paid with death.” – Woman Of Sacrifice

• “Hard times teach hard lessons but they stay with us.”

• “Life is boring without a little spice.”

• “People change and forget to tell each other.” – Lillian Hellman

• “Everyone always brings their past to a party, whether they intend to or not.”

• “As nervous as a whore in church.” – Sandra Brown

• “Legends are lessons, they ring with truth.” – Brave

• “Our fate lives within us. You  only have to be brave enough to see it.” – Brave

• “If you’re gonna be bad, be bad with a purpose.” – Damon Salvatore (TVD)

• “It’s not what we’re used to that attracts us.”

• “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you.” – Stefan Salvatore (TVD)

*Paradise is a novel by Judith McNaught that I am currently reading all over again. First time I read it, I was in my teens and now that I am in my 20s, I can appreciate it more than I did before. She’s one of my Favorite authors.

How The Cookie Crumbles…

"Smile like there's nothing wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting you."

 

Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived a boy and a girl who have quite a history. The boy and girl grew closer from the onset of their second meeting.

They would chat and talk to each other almost everyday or every other day for hours on end without awkward silences. It was beautiful to watch if I say so myself.

The Girl thought they were going somewhere with it until she woke up one morning to find the boy had listed himself in a relationship with some hussy and it wasn’t her! As expected, the girl was quite distraught. She mulled it over; left, right and center trying to find a reason why? Why with someone else and not her? Could she have read it all wrong? Was it because of the fight they had had? But fights are supposed to make you stronger not to weaken the bond. As she recalled, they had successfully mended fences after the fight and everything was back to normal. Why this and Why now? All the signs had pointed to getting together even if they never actually had “the talk”.

She put everything that had happened down to reading too much into the signs when clearly it was all in her head. A consultation with her best friends told her otherwise. He was into her just as she was judging by prior actions. Actions speak louder than words sometimes but when it comes to matters of the heart, the talk needs to be had.

The girl felt like confronting the boy upon finding him listed but thought otherwise. You do not confront someone on something you have never talked about. She then contemplated telling him how she felt but it was a little too late. Doing so would put the two of them in an extremely awkward situation therefore killing the friendship. How do you survive something like that? She decided to keep it to herself and went on being the ‘good friend’ she is. Besides, her brother had once told her that for boys, there is safety in numbers. He can say the same things to three different girls later settling with the one who gave in first. The not so best woman won in this insistence.

Even if it kills her a times, she holds onto who she is. Fine, she misses the endless talking on the phone. The texts and well…the thought that she is talking to him and no one else. But hey, the cookie had to crumble at some point, right?

The boy and the girl occasionally talk though not as frequently. At the back of their minds, they both know it will never be right as rain like before not until the boy talks about the elephant in the room. The girl, however much she wants to bring it up can’t dare to. No! It is his business and therefore he has to be the one to bring it up.

THE END!