As I grow
older, I find myself weary of answering the 'where is your boyfriend?' question
from interested and idly disinterested but nosy parties.
Before; I
would take it on nonchalantly and either respond with a joke or honesty to
those that hold genuine interest in my life and wish me well but now, I am
exhausted.
The question
has become an endless reminder of my failure as a female despite my many
accomplishments and successes career-wise. There are so many things I should be
grateful and proud of at the moment but they are encapsulated by sorrow over my
incapacity to be attached to someone for society's validation.
Whenever a person asks me, 'where is your boyfriend?', I am reminded of the many futile
attempts made to hold on to people that don't want to be held on to, the boys I had
hopes in but never measured up and the number of times I have been led towards
dead end roads and each memory cuts like a sharp knife. The memories still
sting like they happened yesterday yet enough time has passed for the pain to
lessen.
Many may not
know this but I have tried. So much so that I have let go of the dreams I held
in this regard and made peace with the fact that they shall never come to
fruition in this life. I am slowly getting used to the notion that I might be
the spinster aunt to my nephews and do not have the time nor the energy to help
everyone along. The only energy I have is for the betterment of me as a human,
to show kindness to others and be good where possible. Besides, this body is
giving up on me faster than my spirit is. I can't be fighting two
things at ago. I am enough with or without a man.
