Where Is Your Boyfriend?!

As I grow older, I find myself weary of answering the 'where is your boyfriend?' question from interested and idly disinterested but nosy parties.

Before; I would take it on nonchalantly and either respond with a joke or honesty to those that hold genuine interest in my life and wish me well but now, I am exhausted.

The question has become an endless reminder of my failure as a female despite my many accomplishments and successes career-wise. There are so many things I should be grateful and proud of at the moment but they are encapsulated by sorrow over my incapacity to be attached to someone for society's validation.

Whenever a person asks me, 'where is your boyfriend?', I am reminded of the many futile attempts made to hold on to people that don't want to be held on to, the boys I had hopes in but never measured up and the number of times I have been led towards dead end roads and each memory cuts like a sharp knife. The memories still sting like they happened yesterday yet enough time has passed for the pain to lessen.

Many may not know this but I have tried. So much so that I have let go of the dreams I held in this regard and made peace with the fact that they shall never come to fruition in this life. I am slowly getting used to the notion that I might be the spinster aunt to my nephews and do not have the time nor the energy to help everyone along. The only energy I have is for the betterment of me as a human, to show kindness to others and be good where possible. Besides, this body is giving up on me faster than my spirit is. I can't be fighting two things at ago. I am enough with or without a man.

Why Are You Single?

The above question has been posed my way several times and more often lately. In moments of cheekiness, my usual reply is,’I don’t know why because if I were a boy, I would date me.’ I know most of you think I am single because I am a three legged hussy. It would be the first thought that comes to mind but this is not the case. Most of the boys I have dated and tried to are normal, no handicap whatsoever. This is something a man who propositioned me brought to my attention. It had never crossed my mind until he asked whether they boys I have attempted to date are handicapped or not. I have never been hit on by a handicapped person though.
I think one knows why a situation is so or at least has an inkling why at the back of their minds and I think I do. Although mostly through opinionated friends and family who are not afraid to let you know what they think. According to my family and friends these are the reasons they claim I am still single.
I chase away the boys. I had quite the laugh over this a few years back when my cousin said it. But judging from recent occurrences, it has turned out to be true. I don’t chase away the boys because I want to, no. The situation usually calls for it. Case in point; a stranger recently sent me a text on WhatsApp. I asked for the name of the person that gave him my number, he kept quiet but went as far as asking for a meet. Really? My reply to him was, ‘since you won’t tell me who gave you my number, let’s meet in our dreams.’ What makes them think they will get their way when I don’t get mine?
Time Constraints. The few boys I have attempted to date tell me how I never give them enough time and I am always busy. Contrary to that I am never as busy not until lately. The time issue is a pet peeve of mine. If we make a date at 12:00pm and you decide to show up at 2:00pm best believe I shall never make time for you unless we are in the same place at the same time. My allowance is 30 minutes. If you don’t show within that then I am sorry.
Lack of Emotions. Apparently I lack a show of emotions so much that even when I am interested in the guy and very much like him, I won’t show it. What’s there to show? I let you touch me when you are talking and I try much as I can to sit close to you? Our knees touch at some point, so what show of emotions does one want? I am not the kind of girl who will be all over a boy just because I like him. I want the knowledge to be enough. It took me forever to utter the words ‘I love you’ and this is to only friends and family.
Rude. I think I am misunderstood here. People take my bluntness and honesty for rude which is so wrong. On my off days; I don’t entertain foolishness of any sort. And since I don’t I am quite brutal in the delivery. Which puts off those that want something else from me.
Lack of seriousness. This is one of the reasons I have come to know personally. My level of seriousness depends on how serious the other person is. If you come and tell me, ‘I like you’ once and we maintain a friendship, I automatically think you mean it in a friendly way and nothing else. And with me; friends are a no go area. No way, no how! Make your intentions clear and we figure out how to proceed.
Habit. I think having the personality of a loner plus single status is a loner’s haven. 90% of the time I am by myself and quite used to keeping my own company that it has now turned into a habit. When forced to contemplate traversing the dating world and all the negatives that sometimes come with it, the thoughts enforce my being single. I try here and there but majority of it all ends up with me remaining in my comfort zone while there is a little broken heart with my name on it living the world.
On the whole though; You could say I am waiting for someone serious preferably a man. Someone who knows what he wants and goes after it. Someone who will not let me make the decisions nor be intimidated by me. Because these relationship attempts crash and burn when left to my own devices. I have been single for far too long to be left with the choice of picking a time and day for a date. I will definitely not try unless you are on my case. I have grown accustomed to my single status that digging myself out of it will be a huge deal.
Since I don't want to be the spinster aunt to my friends' kids, I am trying to take chances and figure things out as they happen.

Single For The Moment.

When we are in a relationship, we tend to let go of our values, what we really wanted out of it in the first place and we learn that everything is not about you. We lose our selves because we want to make the other person happy.

You never know how much of yourself is lost until you're out of the relationship and forced (sometimes) to be single for whatever period of time. You suddenly realize how hard and unbearable it is to be single when all you see are happy couples.

I'll be happy to tell you that Me, Myself and I have been in the longest relationship. The duration of this relationship has brought a lot of good things to the fore and I have managed to learn a few things.

I have managed to be there for my friends. Through the good, bad and ugly. I don't know why some girls let go of their friendships all because of a man. Friends other than family are the one thing that remains constant, especially good friends. They will always be there to see you through bad boyfriends, dates etc.

I learnt that if a guy really likes you and is interested in you, he'll do whatever it takes to have and be with you. I have a lot of friends who make excuses for the guys they happen to be interested in. we've all heard, 'he is busy,' 'works a lot,' excuses but truly, he just doesn't care as much as you do. Relationships are a two way street, you should receive just as much as what you've put in.

Being single gives you a chance to re-evaluate and honestly think about what it is you want out of your next relationship. Something that would be of mutual benefit and not just for one party's satisfaction. There is a time when you think you're on the same page with the person you're dating only for something to happen and make you realize that; not only aren't you on the same page, you're not even on the same chapter!

You re-gain your inner confidence. Most of us ladies go through stressful relationships in that by the time you're out of it, you're unsure of what to do next and feel inferior because the guy took away yourself confidence. Its through being single that you get a chance to regain your self confidence and build on it.

You get to find out who you truly are and what it is you want. Until you really know who you are and are honest to yourself, you'll never know what it is you want. And before you find yourself, you'll never be happy nor be able to make the other person happy.

So… go ahead and be single. Don't let yourself be the kind of guy or girl who goes from one relationship to the next. Give yourself time to discover who you really are and what you want out of a relationship before you embark on another one.