Where Is Your Boyfriend?!

As I grow older, I find myself weary of answering the 'where is your boyfriend?' question from interested and idly disinterested but nosy parties.

Before; I would take it on nonchalantly and either respond with a joke or honesty to those that hold genuine interest in my life and wish me well but now, I am exhausted.

The question has become an endless reminder of my failure as a female despite my many accomplishments and successes career-wise. There are so many things I should be grateful and proud of at the moment but they are encapsulated by sorrow over my incapacity to be attached to someone for society's validation.

Whenever a person asks me, 'where is your boyfriend?', I am reminded of the many futile attempts made to hold on to people that don't want to be held on to, the boys I had hopes in but never measured up and the number of times I have been led towards dead end roads and each memory cuts like a sharp knife. The memories still sting like they happened yesterday yet enough time has passed for the pain to lessen.

Many may not know this but I have tried. So much so that I have let go of the dreams I held in this regard and made peace with the fact that they shall never come to fruition in this life. I am slowly getting used to the notion that I might be the spinster aunt to my nephews and do not have the time nor the energy to help everyone along. The only energy I have is for the betterment of me as a human, to show kindness to others and be good where possible. Besides, this body is giving up on me faster than my spirit is. I can't be fighting two things at ago. I am enough with or without a man.

A Moment's Catch Up.

It's been a minute, no? I wish I could say a lot has been going on in this social butterfly's life but I would be telling lies.
my brother finally left me. It is coming to a month since he's been gone. Oddly enough, I don't miss him as much as I thought I would. I guess it has to do with the realization his life is not here. It has never been since he was a teenager. He was of unfathomable help during my transition to work. Without his help, guidance and dry sense of humour I would not have made it. I'm glad for the year and a half we had together this time round. Longest period we spent as young adults.
 With my brother's leave; someone I knew many years ago and consider quite special popped back into my life. It was such a surprise because I had long abandoned thoughts of ever crossing paths with him. For the moment: I like the knowledge of having him around however short a period it may be. Fun-knee how we think some people are special yet they hardly hold us in the same regard.
A few weeks ago,a friend
riend asked me not to dodge Cupid. Tall order for someone like me. I am trying not to dodge Cupid. He/she is not playing his part. All I am getting from him are young boys. Yes! Boys who hold me in reverence. Boys who are intimidated by little me. Boys who make me feel like I am saying naughty things to my favourite male cousin. It is an appalling feeling and thought to say the least. Much as I like them and would love to keep some, I can't help but wish they were a couple of years older.
 The person, no. The girl I know I am wants and prefers a man. Someone who will have a firm hand on the tiller. I want to feel intimidated for once. I last felt so in high school during a Maths class pairing with a certain boy. No other guy has ever made me feel like that to date. In essence a man who will not let me get away with my own bullshit as I am accustomed to given the opportunity.
is there anything wrong with just sitting tight and waiting? doesn't what is meant to be happen as was ordained by god without us giving it a push because i would love nothing more than sitting tight and waiting for the one who is meant to be fall into my lap. foolish thoughts but it is how i feel nowadays.

credits: burberry