We Don't Always Get What We Wish For... 08/11/2014

I wish he'd let me forget him.

I wish I'd had 6months to a year to get over him and the feelings he arouses in me.

I wish he'd never reached out at a point where his name was becoming a distant memory.

I wish I never felt this way about him knowing it cannot be.

I wish I didn't have to deal with the thought of 'us' again when I'd just buried it.

I wish my heart didn't ache with thoughts of him.

I wish I had the strength to cut him out of my life once and for all.

And most of all; I wish he wasn't who is.

It'd make the loss of him much easier.

But we don't always get what we wish for.

 Xx Shanah.

I have this habit of making little notes on my phone 50% of the time because it is always at hand and this is one of them. The downside of writing on the phone is the lack of time to make necessary transfers. I get to it a little later than I should. The notes are either deleted or sequestered away on email but often deleted during general clean up sessions at the end of the year when the feelings/mood that inspired them is nonexistent.

Thinking Out Loud.

Ever been on a concentration high that suddenly took you back to a few memories or something that happened before? Recently, I was in the grip of a creative process that made my mind and thoughts roam over to a few things that went on in 2013. I found myself reflecting on what had happened and how hard a year it had been for someone close to me.
This person had a really trying 2013 that made me wonder if she’d be able to get through it all as she thought. There is so much I would like to talk about but can’t because it is not mine to tell. What I learnt from this person then is: never lose your optimism if you are the eternal optimist. Sometimes it is all you need to make the pessimists around you have faith in you and your beliefs. Seeing this person keep her optimism made me have a bit of faith albeit with a truck load of niggling doubts. So, believe in your rainbow at the end of a hard storm however long it takes.
And to the little soldiers with faux bravado like myself, cry! Cry when you’re seeing something you worked hard for fall apart. I am a firm believer in crying because to me, it means whatever it is meant quite a lot. If you lose it all and don’t cry over the loss, then it wasn’t worth much. And it is said that we cry over the things and people that mean a lot to us. Even if they say crying doesn’t solve anything, having a tear cleanse makes all the sorrow and anger flow out of the body. And things always look much better and easier to deal with after a good thunderstorm in your eyes.
Sometimes, we tend to think we might not make it out of particularly hard situations when we’re going through them but life and God is surprising like that. Now, it all seems like a distant memory and is a little easier for this person. It is too early to tell how the year might play out but I pray for smooth sailing. I am quite the critic on her but I never want to see her go through hard times like last year. Not when I am incapable of helping her.