Why Are You Single?

The above question has been posed my way several times and more often lately. In moments of cheekiness, my usual reply is,’I don’t know why because if I were a boy, I would date me.’ I know most of you think I am single because I am a three legged hussy. It would be the first thought that comes to mind but this is not the case. Most of the boys I have dated and tried to are normal, no handicap whatsoever. This is something a man who propositioned me brought to my attention. It had never crossed my mind until he asked whether they boys I have attempted to date are handicapped or not. I have never been hit on by a handicapped person though.
I think one knows why a situation is so or at least has an inkling why at the back of their minds and I think I do. Although mostly through opinionated friends and family who are not afraid to let you know what they think. According to my family and friends these are the reasons they claim I am still single.
I chase away the boys. I had quite the laugh over this a few years back when my cousin said it. But judging from recent occurrences, it has turned out to be true. I don’t chase away the boys because I want to, no. The situation usually calls for it. Case in point; a stranger recently sent me a text on WhatsApp. I asked for the name of the person that gave him my number, he kept quiet but went as far as asking for a meet. Really? My reply to him was, ‘since you won’t tell me who gave you my number, let’s meet in our dreams.’ What makes them think they will get their way when I don’t get mine?
Time Constraints. The few boys I have attempted to date tell me how I never give them enough time and I am always busy. Contrary to that I am never as busy not until lately. The time issue is a pet peeve of mine. If we make a date at 12:00pm and you decide to show up at 2:00pm best believe I shall never make time for you unless we are in the same place at the same time. My allowance is 30 minutes. If you don’t show within that then I am sorry.
Lack of Emotions. Apparently I lack a show of emotions so much that even when I am interested in the guy and very much like him, I won’t show it. What’s there to show? I let you touch me when you are talking and I try much as I can to sit close to you? Our knees touch at some point, so what show of emotions does one want? I am not the kind of girl who will be all over a boy just because I like him. I want the knowledge to be enough. It took me forever to utter the words ‘I love you’ and this is to only friends and family.
Rude. I think I am misunderstood here. People take my bluntness and honesty for rude which is so wrong. On my off days; I don’t entertain foolishness of any sort. And since I don’t I am quite brutal in the delivery. Which puts off those that want something else from me.
Lack of seriousness. This is one of the reasons I have come to know personally. My level of seriousness depends on how serious the other person is. If you come and tell me, ‘I like you’ once and we maintain a friendship, I automatically think you mean it in a friendly way and nothing else. And with me; friends are a no go area. No way, no how! Make your intentions clear and we figure out how to proceed.
Habit. I think having the personality of a loner plus single status is a loner’s haven. 90% of the time I am by myself and quite used to keeping my own company that it has now turned into a habit. When forced to contemplate traversing the dating world and all the negatives that sometimes come with it, the thoughts enforce my being single. I try here and there but majority of it all ends up with me remaining in my comfort zone while there is a little broken heart with my name on it living the world.
On the whole though; You could say I am waiting for someone serious preferably a man. Someone who knows what he wants and goes after it. Someone who will not let me make the decisions nor be intimidated by me. Because these relationship attempts crash and burn when left to my own devices. I have been single for far too long to be left with the choice of picking a time and day for a date. I will definitely not try unless you are on my case. I have grown accustomed to my single status that digging myself out of it will be a huge deal.
Since I don't want to be the spinster aunt to my friends' kids, I am trying to take chances and figure things out as they happen.

Folly

Folly is the contemplation of being someone you are not for a person that cares naught for you.

smart are the circumstances that snatch you from folly's grasping hands and make you aware of how 

stupid you were for giving excessive thought to something you might regret in the long run.

Clarity is when the smog lifts and everything is left in glaring fact. It is in these moments where we fully know our true selves and the characters of people we choose to let into our lives.

What people don't know is: at a given moment; it is the littlest things that irrevocably change our perceptions and attitude toward the people we choose to let into our lives.

And when this happens, the smart thank their lucky stars for having escaped folly's grasping hands.

Girl Getting Her Own!

I made it through my first month of employment! Alhamdulilah! Most of you won’t get this but it is a big deal.
Huh! Where to begin? I find myself so busy that I hardly have the time to update Simply Shanah. I spend the weekends sleeping like someone suffering from sleeping sickness. Something I rarely did until now. My sleep pattern is definitely changing.
The writer in me keeps these little notes on the phone to keep track of what is going on with my life at particular moments in time but they rarely make it here. Let me just say, A LOT has happened in this one month of working.
To take it all back to the beginning; I was on the fence about working full time because of my health and all the other issues that cropped up to make it a little more difficult than I anticipated. There was a point where I felt like throwing in the towel after two days!
The day I felt like giving in, I spent it in a teary chat with one of my best friends. The old friend I talked about here. Somehow she understood me and gave me a pep talk that I believe helped me carry on. I just don’t know what was wrong with me. Even now, I can’t explain it though I have an inkling as to what brought it on.I am glad that she is in my life because if it were not for her, I wouldn’t even be writing a post about my first month. She means a lot to me and I am glad to have her back in my life.
I like what I am doing and the people I come in contact with. I have been involved in situations which I thought I would never be in and came out unaffected. I am learning how to deal with a conniving work-mate whose motives I am yet to understand and also work in an environment where I can’t call any of the people friends.
All in all this is a good thing. It took me awhile to get here and now that I am - I am happy to say I like it. Yes! I am FINALLY a girl getting her own! And that feels fantastic. ;)

Quotes

• The minute you stop looking for luck. You find it. - Susan Sarandon
• When money starts talking everybody listens. - until Forever
• Romance, education and good manners have nothing to do with age. - Por Siempre Mi Amor
• I want to see you naked covered in my kisses. - Fearless Heart
• You have to be ready to be by yourself and like being by yourself. - Susan Sarandon
• No matter how sure the monkey is; it can still be outsmarted. - Valiente
• The weakness of any woman lies in her children. - La Patrona
• Sometimes the most trustworthy people lack trust. - Boss
• You can never understand the decisions another makes unless you've walked in their shoes. - Anya Bast
• Poison is an art and the essence  of art is surprise. - Reign
• The key to a good lie lies in the details. - The Big Bang Theory
• When the company is good, time does not pass. - Destiny River
• You can't find a rose without a thorne. - Por Siempre Mi Amor
• A true love is very selfish and cannot be shared. - Fearless Heart
• Intelligent people know when to change their minds. - Amor Bravio
• Dead bodies and freeloaders start to stink after three days. - Amor Bravio

Currently obsessed with Reign. It took me awhile to understand the entire plot but I love it. It might be the only new show that I am watching.

A New Chapter.

A lot has been going on the past few weeks that I hardly had the time to sit and let it all sink in. I spent the past couple of weeks in a state of ceaseless anxiety brought about by unfulfilled goals. Luckily everything is finally sorted albeit not the way I wanted but the end result is what I wished for.
I left the volunteer position for a new job, a job I applied for on a whim. After a series of really annoying processes and an interview that felt more like an IQ test, being told I was a successful applicant took the wind out of my sails. I never expected that outcome for I’d just began to settle into my voluntary position and was at ease with everyone.
On my last day at the Organisation; I attended my first and hopefully not last workshop over there. Seeing how things were dealt with and actually participating in something of that magnitude pertaining people with disabilities was an awesome experience to say the least. It is good to know there are people out there fighting for the rights some of us knew nothing of and seeing the changes take place.

Lunch after the workshop

There were several instances where I felt like sharing my news but held back. Seeing people I’d grown used to and knowing it would be the last time I see them put a slight damper on my mood. I couldn't share the news until I had a talk with the person who asked me to join the organisation out of respect. Our schedules were so parallel that I eventually told him over the phone. All this after I’d told the person who asked me to apply for my current job and the two people I was closest to on my last day.
Yeah, the cat is out of the bag so to speak. Since it’s been a week at my new job, my feelings as regards to it are 50/50. I like what I am doing over there and with time; I guess, the challenging aspects will be dealt with. I pray all goes well and that it maybe the beginning of even better things. Ameen.

Visiting An Old Habit.

I have had quite the week that at some point I thought it would end as poorly as it begun. I started it off with a fall which left my tibia in serious pain, it still aches to date although the pain is a little bearable at the moment. Someone at work told me how I shouldn't be bothered by a fall since I am already physically disabled. I do get his point but, I would rather the unaffected bones remain intact than injured. I am a 20- something with the bones of an 80 year old. I can’t go around falling irresponsibly.

Just when I thought it couldn't get better; I got the opportunity to treat myself to lunch at a restaurant all by my lonesome. It was wonderful! As I sat there waiting for my food and drink to arrive, I couldn't let go of the happiness I felt and the pleasure I derived from it. I’d definitely missed it.

Way back when, I used to do this sort of thing every other month. I’d ask my mother to drop me at a mall where I would spend the entire day. The mall I frequented  on those solitary weekends happened to have a bookshop. I would go to the bookshop, pick a book from the shelf and sit in the comfy couch they had available for us browsers and proceed to read the book halfway. I’d then go out to eat in a restaurant of my choice and later browse through shops that piqued my interest or people watch.

Having my solitary lunch reminded me of all those weekends and how I miss them. This habit of spending lazy weekends at home catching up on telenovelas omnibuses is the reason why I no longer have solitary lunches at restaurants. I need to cultivate this habit. I know a few people who wouldn't be caught dead eating by themselves in public restaurants but not me. This shameless hussy is beyond that.

Credits: Photo credits go to my sister though I had a burger and not an ice cream sundae.

The Fault In Our Stars.

Once in awhile, I adhere to the dictates of pop culture and read some of it’s over-hyped books especially those that turn into movies. In this case; the fault in our stars. After a few abortive efforts, I finally got round to reading the book to its end.
Reading the book in entirety has taken me close to a year because of John Green’s First-person narrative when it comes to the narrative mode. Literally placing oneself in someone’s shoes is more taxing than you can imagine. The story never flows as well as I would like and it is unsettling. These are the things one has to put up with when adhering to pop culture dictates.

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves.” - Shakespeare

The book was an OK read. I expected it to have a sad ending but John Green spared us from that by making it as ambiguous as the ending in the mentioned An Imperial Affliction. Did she or didn't she die? No one knows since it ends on a love scene. If most of us readers were as obsessive as Hazel Grace was with the ending of An Imperial Affliction, we’d all be camped at John Green’s door asking for answers regarding the state of her life.

These were some of my favorite quotes/passage from the book.

“I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence.” – Augustus Waters

“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.” – Augustus Waters

However sad Hazel Grace’s story is, I am glad she gave herself the chance to love and be loved. Now that I have finally done away with the book, watching the movie is not on my agenda. In most cases, movies have the bad luck to not live up to par with the books they originate from.