Saturday, May 27, 2017

A Year Older.



I turned a year older on the 22nd of May. Am I a little wiser? Smarter? Not in the least but a whole lot better emotionally and mentally.
Getting older last year was such a source of turmoil that to look back on it and not feel a pinch of the emotions it wrought is a blessing in itself.
I've never been filled with so much despair and impotence over my lot in life nor have I ever failed at everything I attempted to do more than I did last year.
The year itself was a full study in patience that when it came down to the crunch; there was nothing to do except bend. To the will of God and life itself. I discovered that a person can only try so much without losing themselves in the process. So I caved. I accepted the situations as they arose and left the rest to God. 
The funny thing about life is that turning points happen when you're in a different frame of mind. By then; I was firmly into acceptance of the way things were that when the turning point came; I didn't know whether to laugh or just crumble into a little heap and weep. 
I did neither of those nor did I express any form of excitement. I guess I was still caught up in disbelief that by the time it wore off and contract signed (this year), the little window of excitement had become shut. 
After 9 months of failed attempts, I became gainfully employed. Inasmuch as it was a hard year, the ending was absolutely perfect. It made me realize how nice it is to end a year with a promise. A little bit of hope to hold on and look forward to in the future. 
Alhamdulilah to another year. For the gift of life and chance to do better and be better. All I ask for this year is patience - with myself mostly.
Aside from that; my life, right now, may not be as perfect as people think it should be but it's enough.



Thursday, May 18, 2017

Shattered Heart


Her head held high,
She stands tall and proud,
Making solemn promises,
Never to see the one who stole her heart.

Beneath the facade,
Pieces of her broken heart are trying to break the wall that's keeping the pressure in.

If only she could be alone for a minute,
Free the jagged pieces of her shattered heart.

But she has to hold onto the facade a moment longer.
Which she will!
If her will doesn't break under the pressure,
Let her down like her heart did.


Shanah

Saturday, May 13, 2017

He Called Her At Midnight



He called her at midnight. She was so startled by the sound of her ringtone she could barely think beyond seeing his name flash across her phone screen. In that moment; she tried to recall the last time she'd talked to him and realized she could no longer place the sound of his voice. No matter how she tried, the voice she'd loved so much had faded from memory. With a furstrated sigh, she gave up and concentrated on the call.
Why was he calling now? Why today of all days?
It was almost five years to the day they said their final goodbye. The day she had looked into his vacant eyes and whispered 'goodbye' to him. Burying the love they shared along with it. That day was quite unforgetable that thinking about it now brought a slight chill to her arms. The air had been so frigid she had felt the chill down to her bones. Like God was freezing every fibre of her love for him in time, in a place she could no longer visit because of the memories.
Over the years; the chill had thawed to be replaced by a warmth she was beginning to revel in. Until his name flashed across her phone screen. She knew she couldn't let it ring intermittently, because when the love of your life calls, the call never goes unanswered. Alexandra took two deep breaths to still her racing thoughts and picked up the phone. "Hello? Alexandra, are you there?"
Every little scenario Alexandra had conjured up in the past five years couldnot prepare her for this moment. She had dreaded it ever since their goodbye. And now; it was finally upon her. The moment she would say 'hello' to him again. All the little scenarios and mental peptalks disappeared like ash beneath a strong wind, as memories of their time together chased each other across her mind, in preparation for the words that would let him back into her life.
"Hello."

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Fragile Love




Even in love
She remains shy as a butterfly
Afraid to leave its cocoon
And test fragile wings
In faith that
They are truly hers
And no one else's.


Shanah


Photocredits: google

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Choice




We have no say over the memories people choose to keep of us.

We only have it over the feelings we evoke in them. 


Those last longer than the memories. 

x Shanah

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Lost Love



Love of each others lives,
Back from the past,
On the brink of something new,
Something wonderful,
Would it be the same?
Because time took its toll.
Led them to different paths,
Changed them from who they used to be,
Into people they hardly recognize.
Is it worth the chance?
To carry on from where they left of,
Love as adults,
For they have changed.
They are hardly who they used to be.
Have fought indescribable battles,
Battles that left them scarred,
Yet here they are,
On the brink of discovery,
Of finding out,
If what life took from them,
Is something they ever wanted,
A second chance to love,
To live out their love story,
And finally see where it might lead,
If indeed their story was meant to last,
Marked as their final one,
In the book of life.

- Shanah

I wrote this poem in 2015 and coming across it while going through my starred emails was such a pleasure. I think it was inspired by the telenovela, "What Life Took From Me". The first but not last poem I wrote inspired by a telenovela. This goes to show how addicted I am to those things.






Photo credit: googledotcom

Friday, March 10, 2017

You Don't Know Me Enough

You don't know me enough
You don't know me enough to call me 'Honey',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Sugar',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Baby',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Boo',
You certainly don't know me enough to call me 'Love'.
Call me by my name.
Say it when we talk.
Write it in reference to me.
Then I'll know you know,
who you're talking to,
The person behind the name.

Shanah

A Year Older.

I turned a year older on the 22nd of May. Am I a little wiser? Smarter? Not in the least but a whole lot better emotionally and mentally. ...