Beauty In Ugly

I love saying that I never have thoughts during the creation process and for that matter cannot honestly tell anyone what inspired a piece. There is usually nothing to tell because most of my pieces never ever have back stories. They are simply the results of an imaginative mind.
However, this particular piece has a story. A story I didn’t want to share until a friend of mine asked when my next blog post would be. His question made me reflect on the draft hence the decision to share. To show that sometimes; it is OK to fall apart. To feel like the loneliest soul in the world without anyone to see you through except yourself. So, here goes nothing.
Her misfortune was being worked on during the most tumultuous weeks of my life! A week in which I was dealing with the intense pain of a sprained shoulder, a week where my emotions were in an upheaval, a week where I wished for my brother’s presence like I have never done in my life and intermittently wept like a bereaved person with wracking sobs to match.
On that fateful day; I took her out of the work-in-progress pile and went to work. Black was the color of choice given the situation and mind frame. I filled up the white space taking care not to mar her looks and the design which made her unique.

All she could do was purse her pink lips and take what I had to offer-pain, sorrow and emotional chaos. She was left without choice for she couldn’t talk back. She knew her creator needed to try and keep it together and this was the only way she knew how. After my emotions were spent, I put her away. To be worked on another day; when the mood struck.
Luckily for her, I took her out for inspection, in a better frame of mind no less. I looked at her with a critical eye trying to find the imperfections and irreparable damage my chaotic emotions had wrought. But most of all; it was to check how black suited her because no color does justice to feelings and thoughts like black.

I looked at her through the lens of a camera and seeing her stare at me with her pursed pink lips nudged my heart a little. I felt guilty for making her bear the brunt of my emotions yet she wasn’t the cause of it. Why continue to drown her in my sorrow? Thus, I gave her color. I wholeheartedly tried to bring her to life the way she was originally meant to by putting an effort into making her pretty. In an attempt to make up for the marks of sorrow she could not hide.
However, even in color: she smacks of so much pain and sorrow. The sorrow in her eyes alone is incomparable to the darknss in the lines on her face. In her lies the proof of her creator's hardest lesson in life - a lesson she failed at miserably. And for that; she will forever be the reminder of that lesson and the memories that come with it.

Slave To A Muse.

No Artist Likes Being A Slave To Her Muse. 

I’ve never really had a muse before. I’ve never had a person whose voice, words, thoughts and personality act as sources of inspiration for my art.To date; all my artwork has been a result of my thoughts, imagination and most of all curiosity when it comes to changing up a design. Well, this recently changed and I am torn between good or bad as regards judgement.
Don’t get me wrong, as an artist, any source of inspiration is a godsend. It is an excuse to let go of all the banal and mundane things we do on a daily basis and just be: one with the pencil, one with the mood and let the wave of inspiration lead you where it wants you to go. The process of putting together an art piece and seeing it come to life is much more exciting and breathtaking than everything I have ever known. Much, much more.
The excitement when the creative juices are flowing and seeing your thoughts come together on paper and colour is the reason as to why artists should not be slaves to their muses. Not if the muse comes in form of a living, breathing person. Nope.
I am painstakingly putting the finishing touches to the name doodle I talked of here, a name that belongs to my source of inspiration. Yes, my muse. Someone I could frankly tell you never at all expected to inspire the pieces he has inspired. My creative juices have been overflowing and the artist in me loves it though loathes the thought of being a slave to a muse. The Shakespeare in me has been wrung out in ways you could never imagine and the ever evolving artwork has played background to many a poem. I have written more poems than I could share because they reveal so much. Sharing all would remove several cats out of the bag and arouse questions I have no answers to.
When I begun the artwork, it was a release of my thoughts and feelings. Little by little this ‘Labour Of Love’ (as I call it in my head) is slowly evolving in front of my eyes. The artist in me keeps looking at it in disbelief, wonderment and appreciation of my gift. At the back of my mind, I keep working on it with the intention to give it to him as a memento because they are my memories and want them to be his as it says but now, now, I am like hell NO! I’m going to keep it as my own memento. Something to look back on in my senior years as a reminder of my misbegotten youth and moment of folly.
Recently, it was revealed that Kim Kardashian is Peter Dundas’ muse for Roberto Cavalli. I keep thinking about this while working on my artwork, wondering how he feels having Kim for a muse because I do know how I feel. That one moment when he is in the process of fitting her with his most breathtaking dress for Fashion Week only for Kim to flee? What would happen to his entire collection?
Much as I appreciate my muse for the strokes of inspiration and flexing of creative muscle, I know I do not want my art to be a slave to a muse. No. These muses have the tendency to leave when you least expect it and before you know it, your entire creative mojo is off kilter. Some artists never creatively recover from the loss of a muse. They may keep at the craft but the pieces after are never as good as the ones before the muse fled, so the critics say.

Ps: The background in the picture is a collection of the artwork in its stages of evolution.

Emotionally Tired!

I hinted at my foray into being a social butterfly here without going into detail just how exhausting it is. The words were not ready then but are now.
Aside from having lunch dates with two of my oldest best friends who I hadn’t seen in years, I went on two dates as well although the last date happened after the social butterfly had hung up her wings. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing between both parties.
Anyway, the difference between these two dates is: one felt like a catch-up between old friends because we spent five hours eating and chatting while date two… Had the same overtones, yes. But, there were a little of those things that creep in when you are with someone that makes you feel some type of way (as we say nowadays). I had a good time at both but if it were up to me; date one would be the yardstick on which I’d measure a good date be it with or without feelings.
Judging from the lack of posts on dating, you can safely assume that I haven’t been in the dating field for quite sometime. The last time I dated or even made attempts at a relationship was at university. After that I have been loving my company. These attempts are to allay the fears of some of my aunts and me trying not to become a spinster without a concerted effort to mitigate the spiral.
What I have come to realize or learnt along the way is; all relationships are not only different but come with nuances that are uniquely theirs. It probably has to do with how someone makes you feel- the feelings dictate how to go about it or maybe the guy does. Every guy has his method of operation, no?
At this point in my life, I know I do not want to make investments in something that isn’t going anywhere. Not because age is catching up with me, but because it is tiring trying to make something work when you both clearly see it isn’t going anywhere. Too many feelings and memories to get rid off if it doesn’t work and too much time wasted trying get over the heartache. This is why I do not personally encourage guys who come my way when I know what they want is not on the table nor will it ever be.
Also, I’d like the boundaries of whatever it is defined. Come as a friend in my life and I’ll treat you as such. Come with not so friendly intentions and you’ll be treated as much as your intentions warrant. But do not come as a friend then try to cross over. No. It throws everything into a tailspin and once you realize you want to be friends again, it doesn’t work out. We all have a formula to friendships that don’t include one trying to crossover then seamlessly transition to again. It makes you an expendable entity.
I’ve said it before; once you friend-zone me, what makes you think I will comfortably be the friend? You will never be my friend. You are not going to loan me money if I ever need it. It takes years to cultivate a friendship full of trust, generosity, kindness and comfort unlike a relationship. People form relationships everyday unlike friendships. Friendships can stand the test of several bad relationships. The little you know about me or I you is not enough to make us friends and never will.
Decide who you want to be in my life and I shall treat you as such.

A Catch Up!

It is a little hard to believe how the year is going by so damn fast! I recently leafed through my gratitude journal and diary as a look back on all that I’d gone through the first half of the year in comparison to what is happening. Between then and now; nothing much has changed yet a lot has happened. I have failed to get over an experience or two that happened in the first quarter unlike the second. This continues to lurk in not only my thoughts but also lingers in my happy place. The last thing one wants is the presence of someone (even in thought) in your happy place. 
Speaking of my happy place, my reading has fallen off the wagon. I have managed to read just a handful of books this year almost by force. I can’t seem to find the time to just luxuriate in a good book and sigh over the story. If at all I do; it is to read a few chapters here and there which makes for a disconnected experience between the story and I, the reader. If the year wasn't almost up, I would have made this a resolution.
If I knew then what I know now; I would not pray for being a social butterfly! I never prayed for being a social butterfly. It just happened and is TAXING! How do people who go dancing everyday of the week manage to make it through one day to the next? The several Saturdays I have managed neither to cancel nor postpone plans took the stuffing out of me. July came to an end with me being a social butterfly- a situation I didn’t want for August but much as I try not to be involved there is something to pull me out of my cocoon.
This year has been quite full of surprises especially when it comes to writing. I say it over and over that writing is not my forte and this sentiment hasn’t changed. But, I am beginning to enjoy the little things that bring out the Shakespeare in me. Who knew I had a poetic muscle that loves to be flexed now and then? However, much as I love flexing it when the need arises, I have come to realize that the sources of inspiration are no good. Yes, if that girl or guy ever brings out the Shakespeare in you, stay the hell away but enjoy the creativity. Let the creativity flow like it is meant to because it takes away all those little niggles of doubt and you get to say everything you cannot tell him or her. That’s the beauty of creativity.
For the first time in my life; I made a doodle of a guy’s name. Name doodles are usually reserved for self as every artist knows because they say  a lot. A lot more than the actual drawing could ever say. I have never ever made name doodles of someone else’s name except mine. I did it at the end of one of the most exhausting days at work and being able to do so after such a hard day said it all. It was a day of letting go of everything and being one with the pencil. In those moments; nothing else matters. Nothing.
 

Acquaintances

The days you cross my mind make me

wish we were the kind of friends who told each other anything and everything.

The kind that would laugh at shared inner jokes, 

Revel in shared silences as we savored the memories and experiences that bound us.

But we are nothing more than strangers with shared thoughts 

And  a minute to weave the bond of acquaintances.

Shanah

Pinspiration

I took a break from my heart series when the idea to explore something new was just a little seedling at the back of my mind.

With the idea, came Lady Luck filled with loads of inspiration. I must say; I hate it when inspiration strikes while I am doing that which pays the bills because it makes it hard to give it the concentration it deserves, and I am usually without pencil and paper.

It's been quite the lazy week at work so when inspiration struck, I took pen to notebook and doodled my thought. It has been years since I doodled. I even thought I didn't have it in me but it is still there. The last doodle I made never translated well into a drawing which I guess, put a stop to my doodling.

Doodling is a fun little way to see how the design will look on a small scale without having to whip out the A4 and sketchbooks. 

My first doodle in several years had quite the reception on Instagram and led me to believe it will transition well on paper complete with details.

The design however, is much more different from the doodle, if I am to be honest. It is so rough in my opinion and something that can easily turn into a work-in-progress for an entire year or two. I'm not writing it off yet just not anxious enough to see it complete at the moment.

When lady inspiration strikes, she is usually with me for a week. This is why I tend to have a succession of back to back designs. This time was no different. I was of the mind to take my art supplies with me to work then eschewed the thought. I thought it fanciful and over expectant of me. You cannot recreate magic twice in a row. Well, I stand corrected. When inspiration struck again, instead of making a little doodle, I gave the actual design a go and voilà. Magic. 

 

Doing an actual design complete with details at work would be grounds for dismissal. I'm glad I didn't get caught. This drawing inspired a different design that I am absolutely in love with. Working on it has brought me so much awe because of the evolution. The evolution of a design remains the most breathtaking experience of my life!

After completion of the outline, I spent the next day scouring Pinterest for pattern inspiration ideas. The talent on Pinterest is immense! The time I spent left me inspired and I now want to start maintaining an art journal. Kudos to the person that invented Pinterest and the people who share their ideas and designs. 

Much as it was overwhelming looking at the scores of ideas, my sojourn over there was successful. I found a pattern (though no less different from what I am usually drawn to) that would fit my vision and the results are amazing!

I am proud of my talent. Being an artist on my off days is the best thing that could happen. And when a design leaves me awestruck, I send a little prayer of thanks to the Almighty. Art is who I am. 

Letter to MTN Uganda

MTN,
For years, I have been hearing stories about your poor services and inefficient customer care personnel from friends and relatives. I would turn a deaf ear to these stories because I was never affected by it all. Not until I started subscribing to data services on your network.
On the eve of 06/07/2015, I purchased a 20,000/= airtime voucher with the sole purpose of subscribing to 500MBS of data valid for a month. I dialed *160#, followed the prompts and reached one where it said ‘insert other number’ instead of ‘your number’ or ‘own number’. That prompt gave me pause for thought and after a minute of indecision wondering what it implied, I decided to feed in someone else’s number thinking the data would be given to the person requesting it and the verification code sent to the number inserted.
To my disbelief and utter annoyance, the data was sent to the number of the person who did not ask for it! A mistake that cost me a lot to say the least! I immediately called your customer care personnel and spoke to two people but the one I remember is a Vincent who told me I could send the data back to myself at no cost! After several fruitless attempts with the number saying ‘insufficient data to send me2u’, the chap then came forth with information that the person sending the data had to have a minimum balance of 100MBS!
I decided to make the small sacrifice thinking it was finally sorted.  Your agents said I wouldn’t incur any costs yet I did by the reduction of 100MBS and the limitation to a week in subscription. Your agents just like your prompts gave misleading information once again! If I had known the subscription would be cut to a week, do you think I would have made the transfer? Is this how your business thrives? On deceit and misconceptions plus poorly informed agents?
With extreme annoyance and agitation, I sent you a couple of E-mails seeking rectification in the duration of the subscription. I minded very much about the duration of the subscription because much as I am a social media addict, I cannot spend 400MBS in a week neither do I go around making weekly subscriptions at the tune of 20,000/=! I do not partake in pornographic material which would necessitate the spending of a large amount of data nor do I download music and movies.
My series of E-mails garnered two responses and they certainly differ in information. A clear signal that your agents do not know what they are doing! Ronald, one of your CS Correspondence Admin. stated in the E-mail, ‘the validity is not different from the actual activated bundle i.e. Weekly shared data bundle should also be valid for a week to the other recipient number.’

And yet, a certain Edwin K, said in his E-mail, “Please be informed that the validity of any amount of shared data is seven days from the time of receipt.”

This begs the question, do these people know what they are doing? No! Why do you limit shared data to a week when all other networks let the duration of subscription remain the same for the activated and shared to number? You put constraints on your services which are not free by the way, to make your customers prisoners of your network!

I am so disgusted by your actions as a network and your personnel. Unfortunately, I cannot throw your Sim card to the dogs because it is my officially registered and business number. I do not expect you to offer any more help regarding this issue. It is known you prefer to rob your customers than settle their grievances with your network. No wonder few subscribe to your data services. They would rather wait for the measly 30MBS you freely give every month which also have restrictions now.

Thank you for your attention.
Shanah

PS: I noticed the removal of the prompt with the message ‘please insert other number’. It is no longer there yet it was last night. I am sure you got one of your people to remove it and make me look foolish. Another indication of your thieving ways!