Could We Start Over?

Could we start over?
Learn each other anew?
Appreciate the quirks we missed about us?

Could we start over?
Let the love we held onto tightly unfurl?
Blossom into the splendour we denied ourselves?

Could we start over?
Heal the hurts between us and build new memories?
Nurture the love that can no longer be hidden?

Could we start over?
Our bodies are starting to betray us
In recognition of the attraction between us

Could we start over?

Photo Credits: psiloveyou.xyz
Ps: This poem was inspired by a Bollywood series (Kum Kum Bagya) I watch now and then. Seven years has passed and the lead characters are suddenly back into each other's space although attached to different people. 

Plus One

It has been a year since I composed this  under the influence of a sugar high and poor health. I was so chafed to see it in today's Facebook memories because I have been anxiously anticipating its revival, in a good way.

I still want to be someone's pain in the ass but maybe not exactly at this point in time. A later date or year or months when I am emotionally and mentally in a good place... possibly.

At this point in time:
I'd love nothing better than to be someone's plus one,
I want to be pampered,
I want to be cosseted,
I want to be a sugar-babe :(
I really miss the 3 am texting,
The ordained time for a soul-soul connection,
When insomnia was more of a friend than enemy,
I want to be someone's pain in the ass,
In the name of love!

Shanah

Moments

There are moments when he looks at her,
Seeking the love that shone brilliantly with each gaze.
Searching for the little smile that crossed her lips with each interaction between them.
Aching for the acts of affection that were given so lavishly but went unappreciated.

There are moments when he looks at her,
With bated breath and a frightfully hopeful gaze.
Looking for the love that he thought was infinitely his,
From eyes clouded by his disappointments,
And a heart forever broken by them.

Her Mother

Her Mother.
Her strength,
Her courage,

The adoration she basks in with each success,
The source of pride in her uncompromising values,
The beacon of hope in an uncertain future,
The unwavering faith behind her pursuit of happiness,
The will behind her indomitable persona,

Her courage,
Her strength,
Her Mother.

Your Face On Mine

No.
I don't know how to kiss.
But, I do know,
I want to feel your face on mine.
To look into your deep-set eyes,
Until all I see is my reflection.
Rub the tip of my nose with yours,
And prolong the anticipation.
To feel you draw breath,
As you prepare to drink in my taste.
Watch my hands,
As they wind themselves around your neck.
Pulling you closer,
Into our embrace.
While we slowly kindle,
The fire that sizzles between us.

No.
I don't know how to kiss.
But, I do know,
I want to feel your face on mine.

xShanahx

You Never Cared

You never cared.
What I don't understand is why you're taking so much of my thoughts, lately?!
Why does your name pop up in my moments of sadness?
I shouldn't even ask this because you found me at my most vulnerable. As much as giving you the oars to my boat was freeing, you caused a lot more damage than I expected.
A year and half later; unmarred by your poor attempt at communication, why does your name suddenly pop up in my thoughts?
What you don't know is; the first quota of the year has been more than splendid my side. The one thing I've been unable to complain about is my life and all that's happening. In fact, I'm more appreciative of it-the way it is.
When your name pops up, it hangs like a shadow on the fringes of this happiness. I don't want that. I don't want anything to do with you casting shadows over my glow!
You never cared.
So, why does your name keep popping up in my thoughts?
I weaned myself off giving permanent feelings to temporary people, chasing nonexistent emotions and affection. Feelings and emotions that should come naturally with ease between people who actually care for one another. The girl you thought you knew reverted to the person she was before giving up her oars for you.
Knowing you never cared should be a barrier to your occupancy of my thoughts.

Shattered Heart

Her head held high,
She stands tall and proud,
Making solemn promises,
Never to see the one who stole her heart.

Beneath the facade,
Pieces of her broken heart are trying to break the wall that's keeping the pressure in.

If only she could be alone for a minute,
Free the jagged pieces of her shattered heart.

But she has to hold onto the facade a moment longer.
Which she will!
If her will doesn't break under the pressure,
Let her down like her heart did.


Shanah

Choice

We have no say over the memories people choose to keep of us.

We only have it over the feelings we evoke in them. 

Those last longer than the memories. 

x Shanah

Lost Love

Love of each others lives,
Back from the past,
On the brink of something new,
Something wonderful,
Would it be the same?
Because time took its toll.
Led them to different paths,
Changed them from who they used to be,
Into people they hardly recognize.
Is it worth the chance?
To carry on from where they left of,
Love as adults,
For they have changed.
They are hardly who they used to be.
Have fought indescribable battles,
Battles that left them scarred,
Yet here they are,
On the brink of discovery,
Of finding out,
If what life took from them,
Is something they ever wanted,
A second chance to love,
To live out their love story,
And finally see where it might lead,
If indeed their story was meant to last,
Marked as their final one,
In the book of life.

- Shanah

I wrote this poem in 2015 and coming across it while going through my starred emails was such a pleasure. I think it was inspired by the telenovela, "What Life Took From Me". The first but not last poem I wrote inspired by a telenovela. This goes to show how addicted I am to those things.






Photo credit: googledotcom

You Don't Know Me Enough

You don't know me enough
You don't know me enough to call me 'Honey',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Sugar',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Baby',
You don't know me enough to call me 'Boo',
You certainly don't know me enough to call me 'Love'.
Call me by my name.
Say it when we talk.
Write it in reference to me.
Then I'll know you know,
who you're talking to,
The person behind the name.

Shanah

The Way It Is

It's sad you no longer see the truth in my words without getting your back up.
You are the one person I have ever shared my truths with implicitly.
With each truth lately,
I am either pushing you away or explaining myself.
I do not want to explain myself.
It is either you believe or not.
Your actions and responses claim you do not and it is OK.
You may not be fine with the way things are but I am.
I am fine with the way it is.

Shanah

One Day

I'd like for one day,
On a bright sunny afternoon,
To sit on a park bench
Side-to-side with the one  I love.
Listening to the sound of birds,
As they flit past.

On that one day,
I'd love nothing more than,
To feel the love between us,
Basking in the solitude
Of our silence.

Shanah

Spirit

"Poetry is not for the poets but those who need it."-Unknown 

My January seems to be a replica of everything I went through last year and to say I am happy or OK would be putting a nice face onto emotions I do not feel. I'm barely holding it together.

You know you're lost when you ask a friend to write you a poem. 

I was scrolling through my feed and read a nice update from a person I've known so many years enough to consider a friend about 'beautiful people'. Instead of commenting about his update I asked him to write me a poem as a pick me up. I have always loved his writing and made no secret of it.

Some people have a way of putting ones emotions into words without knowing their full story.

When I asked him to write for me, I never gave him any pointers or direction on the kind of poem I want. But he came up with something that made me tear up. The appropriateness of it in connection to my mood was a surprise. I guess he deduced my feelings, mood and current frame of mind from my posts. The words are simply simply perfect!

 

The spirit wants to roam free, at the sea of your emotions and just be. But fear is like an anchor holding you down. 

The restless thoughts you entertain are making a sound. 

And your skies may be filled with clouds. Understand, you will never be the sun in the universe of another: not even of those you hold dear like mother, father, sister or brother. 

Happiness will shine once your sun is discovered. But first; tears gotta fall like the rain. lifting that anchor will bring pain. 

Sometimes a loss in disguise is a gain. With faith by your side you'll see your sun again. when your skies clear you'll feel sane. 

A spirit is at peace when it's free to sail.

---Nosh

He is the third person to write me a poem. As someone who spent half of last year writing poems to another person, I must say it feels good to be on the receiving end of one albeit at my own instigation. 

All I Wanted.

Deep in the night, we all have those thoughts and words that come to us. I think that is why most writers recommend sleeping with a notebook and pen besides you. To write down your thoughts, feelings and sometimes a thread to a dream you would like to explore.

I have several of these and only started writing them last year albeit in my journal and oftentimes on my phone where I would forget all about them until a certain time necessitating a phone check up arises.

This was my first one and for this year, I asked myself, 'why not?' Why not share them on my blog instead of keeping them on my phone? Since I draw and love to play around with words and filters, I did the combination of both and voila!

MY 2015

The year is a stone’s throwaway from coming to an end and I couldn’t be anymore glad to see it go. 2015 has been exceptionally hard in ways I never ever thought would be so much so that concentrating on the good in each day was a chore as the passed by.
Along the way; I made a lot of decisions that so far are turning out for the better. I hope they hold for times to come. Regardless of my mood and emotional chaos, there were a few smile inducing moments in my darkest of days even if I had to edit this compilation several times!
01/01/2015 – New year, new beginnings
02/01/2015 – Jewellery design
07/01/2015 – Some people come into our lives to loosen up buttons we never thought of loosening in the first place.
- Sad is leaving soon
- Sometimes, it is better to be honest with a person and let the decision to stay remain in their hands.
08/01/2015 – Visit from  my girl Stella
12/01/2015 – Sad is counting days
14/01/2015 - Seeing the one to whom I am best niece and my little darling in her last stages of pregnancy
- Pre- birthday celebration for my Nyabo
16/01/2015 – Sad’s leaving for his homeland. I’m going to miss the big guy!
18/01/2015 – Knowing Sad might have his old job back is the best news ever
23/01/2015 – Sue’s graduation and I have never been so exhausted in my life!
24/01/2015 – Another drawing added onto my Heart series
26/01/2015 – Re-connecting with old friends
28/01/2015 – Catch up with Baby J and the boy talk was insightful
1/02/2015 – I love being in control but letting go has improved my disposition in this case
5/02/2015 – First poem from a boy!
- The reassurances from friends Shakira, Allen and Robert made me feel a whole lot better about work
06/02/2015 – My Nyabo saying I am a good writer
07/02/2015 – Treated myself to a fancy lunch after so many months!
08/02/2015 – Poem “we don’t always get what we wish for.”
10/02/2015 – When you least expect it; God brings you a ray of hope.
13/02/2015 - Surprise visit to my baby. So happy to see her in her last days of pregnancy.
14/02/2015 - “Tired” poem
18/02/2015 – To have someone whose written word leaves you in awe call you talented is an honour. I am humbled to know strangers find my writing good.
- A surprisingly good day. Alhamdulilah
21/02/2015 – Indecision is a decision. Let nobody tell you differently
22/02/2015 – I don’t know how Ntinda will work out but it was good to me the first time. Hopefully, it is where I am meant to be for now.
23/02/2015 - “Self preservation” poem
25/02/2015 – Got my letter of appointment for voluntary work
- Anila Naby’s birth
26/02/2015 - With change comes clarity. A clearer picture of who you want to become and the paths we must take to get there.
27/02/2015 – Catch up session with my girl Emma on the last day of gainful employment! I am looking forward to no work Saturdays
02/03/2015 - Some memories you just don’t need.
04/03/2015 – First day of voluntary work and I like it
- “The Moon” poem
06/03/2015 - Patience is a virtue for the virtuous.
11/03/2015 – The feedback on the poem “woke up to your birthday reminder” is heart-warming.
12/03/2015 – Fruitful day at work. Alhamdulilah
14/03/2015 – Added two new drawings to my Heart series and coloured one.
15/03/2015 - Art is an expression of my thoughts and life at that particular moment.
17/03/2015 – My Art portfolio consists of 20 pieces so far
18/03/2015 – Chat with my Supervisor gave me a little hope as regards the direction I want to take my career
- Some people don’t like being met at their level. so you take them to yours.
19/03/2015 – Another fruitful day at work! I’m glad for the chance to impart skills I usually take for granted
- Our thoughts are words waiting to be written.
20/03/2015 – Visit to see my baby’s baby
21/03/2015 – A reply tweet from The Single Woman
- “It doesn’t matter” poem
22/03/2015 – I pray God gives me the courage to pursue my dreams
23/03/2015 – Spent the day with my baby and her baby. I am proud of Baby J and her accomplishment. She is where I would like to be financially
25/03/2015 – The fact that people find me inspiring is an amusement in itself!
26/03/2015 – A new drawing. I can never tire of the creation process especially when a merger of two designs is involved. It leaves me awestruck
- Being asked to write for someone whose work leaves you breathless! Jon Storm!
27/03/2015 – Worked on my third coloured piece and love how it looks
28/03/2015 – Waking up to Jon’s feedback is indescribable!
- Colouring art pieces wouldn’t be possible without Ama’ help
30/03/2015 – Seeing Patience again and having the opportunity to work with her is a pleasure
31/03/2015 - Sometimes, the battle lines need to be drawn for you to know where you stand.
2/04/2015 – Sad never fails in his attempts to cheer me up
- Having a heart to heart with Clare made my heart a little lighter
05/04/2015 – The feeling of success is sweet!
- Five drawings coloured so far
09/04/2015 – Fruitful day at work! The mini-workshop was not only educational but insightful as well
12/04/2015 – Spent the weekend working on my choker necklace and the reality finally met my vision
14/04/2015 – First read into Manuscript Found in Accra
27/04/2015 – A chat with my ride or die girl is always what I need
03/05/2015 - “Imperfect hearts” poem
07/05/2015 – De Ja Vu moments due to work make me feel like I am walking in familiar footsteps
05/14/2015 – Trip to Gomba
- Creative firsts at work make me think I was meant to be in publishing
19/05/2015 – Fantastic feedback over my creative efforts especially the newsletter
22/05/2015 – Birthday!
25/05/2015 – Shakira always pops up when I need her most
26/05/2015 – Wonderful feedback about Simply Shanah
02/06/2015 – Gainful employment gives me a sense of fulfilment I am beginning to love. Alhamdulilah for the abundant opportunities.

A Catch Up!

It is a little hard to believe how the year is going by so damn fast! I recently leafed through my gratitude journal and diary as a look back on all that I’d gone through the first half of the year in comparison to what is happening. Between then and now; nothing much has changed yet a lot has happened. I have failed to get over an experience or two that happened in the first quarter unlike the second. This continues to lurk in not only my thoughts but also lingers in my happy place. The last thing one wants is the presence of someone (even in thought) in your happy place. 
Speaking of my happy place, my reading has fallen off the wagon. I have managed to read just a handful of books this year almost by force. I can’t seem to find the time to just luxuriate in a good book and sigh over the story. If at all I do; it is to read a few chapters here and there which makes for a disconnected experience between the story and I, the reader. If the year wasn't almost up, I would have made this a resolution.
If I knew then what I know now; I would not pray for being a social butterfly! I never prayed for being a social butterfly. It just happened and is TAXING! How do people who go dancing everyday of the week manage to make it through one day to the next? The several Saturdays I have managed neither to cancel nor postpone plans took the stuffing out of me. July came to an end with me being a social butterfly- a situation I didn’t want for August but much as I try not to be involved there is something to pull me out of my cocoon.
This year has been quite full of surprises especially when it comes to writing. I say it over and over that writing is not my forte and this sentiment hasn’t changed. But, I am beginning to enjoy the little things that bring out the Shakespeare in me. Who knew I had a poetic muscle that loves to be flexed now and then? However, much as I love flexing it when the need arises, I have come to realize that the sources of inspiration are no good. Yes, if that girl or guy ever brings out the Shakespeare in you, stay the hell away but enjoy the creativity. Let the creativity flow like it is meant to because it takes away all those little niggles of doubt and you get to say everything you cannot tell him or her. That’s the beauty of creativity.
For the first time in my life; I made a doodle of a guy’s name. Name doodles are usually reserved for self as every artist knows because they say  a lot. A lot more than the actual drawing could ever say. I have never ever made name doodles of someone else’s name except mine. I did it at the end of one of the most exhausting days at work and being able to do so after such a hard day said it all. It was a day of letting go of everything and being one with the pencil. In those moments; nothing else matters. Nothing.
 

Acquaintances

The days you cross my mind make me

wish we were the kind of friends who told each other anything and everything.

The kind that would laugh at shared inner jokes, 

Revel in shared silences as we savored the memories and experiences that bound us.

But we are nothing more than strangers with shared thoughts 

And  a minute to weave the bond of acquaintances.

Shanah